tell me what you think!!!

jinxy_jane

Saint_Chris wrote: »

I would just simply say to him, i don't enjoy asking you this, but to easy my mind, and get rid of the niggling doubt that is there, would you mind showing me a list of your calls, (not on phone, as call logs can be deleted), this can be done on-line or by calling your phone provider and they will send you a estimated bill out, and it will list all in-going and out-going calls plus texts. And how long the call was for.

Don't say sorry for asking this.

Just say, i have worked very hard over the past 9 months, to regain trust and rebuild this relationship, so if you have done nothing wrong, then you would not mind doing this little thing for me, to ease my mind.

do bills show incomming calls though, i have checked outgoing and her number is not on there, but i know online it doesnt show incomming calls, very sensible answer i wish i had thought of that, might ask him to give vodafone a call and do just that, i know he doesnt ring her from his fone and at least this way i would know she doesnt ring him on a regular basis to avoid the outgoing call on his fone.x

VestanPance

Maybe I'm biased or my rational is not what most would do, but my thoughts would be in an instance like that to mention the call if it was actually a mistaken call in order to defuse the situation and let you know that there is nothing to be worried about. The fact he sounds like he's trying to cover his tracks would concern me.

You are a stronger person than me though, as I could never forgive someone for having an affair.

EDIT: One thing though just be aware that any actions you take in order to get him to prove his faithfulness could end up as a wedge between you, and something he may become resentful about.

Saint_Chris

jinxy_jane wrote: »

do bills show incomming calls though, i have checked outgoing and her number is not on there, but i know online it doesnt show incomming calls, very sensible answer i wish i had thought of that, might ask him to give vodafone a call and do just that, i know he doesnt ring her from his fone and at least this way i would know she doesnt ring him on a regular basis to avoid the outgoing call on his fone.x

I'm not 100% sure, but you could ask him to ask his provider, to do a full list of ingoing and outgoing calls.

I'm with tesco and i'll have a check of my online bill and see if it logs all calls. x

balletshoes

jinxy_jane wrote: »

9 months after the affair, her phone number is calling his phone,
so my only option is A) to believe his story and carry on
end the marriage or C) carry on with that niggling feeling so you see its a hard one, and i wanted some more points of view from people on the outside, to check whether im just making a moutain out of a molehill.x

no, 9 months after the affair you've found her phone number has come up once on your husband's phone. I totally understand that this has shaken you, it would me too. I'd have to talk to my husband again in your shoes, tell him you need the truth and you'll listen to him.

jinxy_jane

VestanPance wrote: »

Maybe I'm biased or my rational is not what most would do, but my thoughts would be in an instance like that to mention the call if it was actually a mistaken call in order to defuse the situation and let you know that there is nothing to be worried about. The fact he sounds like he's trying to cover his tracks would concern me.

You are a stronger person than me though, as I could never forgive someone for having an affair.

EDIT: One thing though just be aware that any actions you take in order to get him to prove his faithfulness could end up as a wedge between you, and something he may become resentful about.

no you are quite right i suppose you can look on it both ways, it could have been an accident on her part? likely no, possible yes, or he could be covering his tracks in order to save me hurt, he does know how much it hurts me.

and yes this has been the hardest thing i have ever had to do in my life, i trusted this man with my life, only man i have ever trusted, never in my wildest dreams would i imagine he would cross this line, everyday has got easier, but this out of the blue fone call has certainly made the doubts appear, i know some may think im being stupid and i expected all the trust issues to come up in the conversation, do i trust him fully the answer is no not yet, as i have said trust has to be earned and it takes time, this call has just caused me so many doubts, he knows this and says he doesnt know what else to do or say! x

balletshoes

jinxy_jane wrote: »

thats just it though he didnt tell me about the call! said he was going to ask me if i knew who the number was from and thats why he left it on his phone, you are right trust has to be earned ive got a long way to go yet before he earns that trust and thats natural i think

oh dear - now to me that sounds like a complete crock of sh*t. Is he usually in the habit of showing you phone numbers and asking you who it could be?

WestonDave

What did he come back from the golf shop with?

My view is that it would have been hard to keep this running for 9 months without getting caught out even on incoming calls only - how would she always know when it was safe to call. However its possible that after trying not to see her for a period he has now lapsed back - arranges during work to meet up Saturday (going to the golf shop hence odd behaviour), sees her, and lets her know you are planning to go out later so its safe to ring....

That said its all supposition - its possible she just randomly called him, its possible (although I can't see how) that his version is true, its also possible that she did just call him up out of the blue (possibly by hitting the wrong name on her phone directory) and they had a conversation but he then panicked and made up the story about the background noise.

My instinct is that you've possibly caught them on their first lapse into temptation and may have done enough to make them realise they won't get away with it again as you are too suspicious. I would do what digging is possible but ultimately you have to decide whether its work going through however long it takes on edge to let him build trust or whether to cut your losses now and start rebuilding your life earlier (thereby minimising the waste)

barbiedoll

If they have split up and she has been sacked from your OH's place of work, why does she still have his number on her phone?
If I'd been dumped by a married man who had gone back to his wife, I wouldn't be keeping his number unless I thought I would need it one day.

You should text her and tell her to bog off!

Saint_Chris

Just looked at my phone bill, and sorry it just tells me my outgoing calls and texts.

But i'm not sure if you contact the provider they maybe able to tell you, outgoing calls.

good luck. xxx

Kayalana99

Hiya,

Read through this pretty quick so sorry if someone has said this because it seems so obvouis?

How LONG was the call. It will show this on his phone. If she rang by mistake you would listen to the background noise, say hello and then put the phone down in less then 60 seconds.

Right?

Tbh, I've had that gut feeling something is wrong before - its usally right. But its so hard to convince yourself you are right when the person you love is telling you its not true and you end up feeling guilty your thinking like this in first place. Demand the truth.