7.5 months pregnant & rudely refused a seat on the train!

ziggy2004

thegirlintheattic wrote: »

Whilst it was a rude response, pregnant women don't automatically have a right to a seat and shouldn't expect one. It's nice if it is offered but you shouldn't be going around asking for a seat.

Anyone who has problems standing for the length of time they are on public transport should be able to ask for a seat and I for one will be glad to give it up if I am able to do so regardless of whether the person asking looks like they need it or not.

Common courtesy goes a long way

( and of course remember that in case of pregnancy she may well be carrying the nurse who will wipe your drool away when you are old, as a society we can choose to lock away our pregnant women, die out or support them where needed in ways that generally barely inconvenience us)

thegirlintheattic

The OP asking could have put someone in a very awkward position, just because someone looks like they can stand doesn't mean they can. How would you feel if you had a condition that meant you couldn't stand up but were then either given abuse for not giving up your seat when asked or had to explain that you had a condition in front of everyone.

I once ended up very ill in hospital and it took months to recover. I could not walk or stand very long because I was still very weak and yet when on the Tube when asked to give up my seat and politely declined I was verbally abused by one of the other passengers until I explained that I was not able to stand for any length of time. BUT I shouldn't have had to explain anything, and did not like having to do so.

If someone offers the seat, fine, and I think it's good manners to offer your seat BUT people shouldn't be going around asking.

Nicki

thegirlintheattic wrote: »

If someone offers the seat, fine, and I think it's good manners to offer your seat BUT people shouldn't be going around asking.

Indeed!

If OP is going to pinpoint individuals and ask them to justify why they are sitting in a priority seat, then perhaps she should also be prepared to put herself out there and explain why, other than being towards the end of her pregnancy, she needs it more. eg "Please could I sit down as I am heavily pregnant with vulval varicose veins which give me gip when I stand". It isn't fair to put a stranger in the situation of having to explain why they are seated if you aren't willing to do this yourself

Or as I and others have suggested, if you do feel the need to sit down, address a general request to the entire carriage as not everyone who is seated will need a seat, and someone may well be happy to offer it to you.

Bogof_Babe

I was wondering why the OP chose a woman to ask, as presumably there were men on board too, and (sexist or not) traditionally men seem stronger and therefore more able to stand for a while. As a (60-year-old but don't look it on a good day :cheesy:) woman myself, I think I'd be a bit surprised, to say the least, if someone targetted me to relinquish my seat when there were younger, fitter males seated close by.

[waits for war to break out over sexist comment :rotfl:]

j.e.j.

I wonder if the OP maybe came across a bit more.. 'assertively' shall we say.. than she intended and this is what provoked such a strong reaction? It certainly sounded like an OTT response to a reasonable request. Having said that there are some people around who behave like that!

ziggy2004

thegirlintheattic wrote: »

The OP asking could have put someone in a very awkward position, just because someone looks like they can stand doesn't mean they can. How would you feel if you had a condition that meant you couldn't stand up but were then either given abuse for not giving up your seat when asked or had to explain that you had a condition in front of everyone.

I once ended up very ill in hospital and it took months to recover. I could not walk or stand very long because I was still very weak and yet when on the Tube when asked to give up my seat and politely declined I was verbally abused by one of the other passengers until I explained that I was not able to stand for any length of time. BUT I shouldn't have had to explain anything, and did not like having to do so.

If someone offers the seat, fine, and I think it's good manners to offer your seat BUT people shouldn't be going around asking.

So if in that situation you would have entered the tube and had been unable to find a seat you would have stood anyway despite being unable to do so :undecided

You should not have been abused either a simple ' I am sorry but I cannot give you my seat' should be enough.

uk_american

I'm finding this discussion to be quite interesting from a cultural perspective! All the insights of whether someone can/should ask or can/should offer a seat...

I've been here in the UK for 4 years, and seat offering is much more plentiful is my corner of Essex than it is in London. Previously I've been in Germany 5 years, where someone just standing in front of a priority seating area would be enough for a person sitting there to recognise the need and move, no asking needed.

Once on a local bus in Mexico, it was crowded and all the children were shoo'd off the seats as older people got on the bus, the babies and toddlers were then 'redistributed' to any available laps...I ended up with a random 2 year old riding on my lap the rest of the way. :eek: Different cultural norms...

Growing up in the US in the late 70's early/80's, I was fortunate to spend a lot of time with my 3 grandparents who were quick to drill in the lessons of growing up during the depression and WW2, one of those being, that as a healthy, able-bodied person, you have a responsibility to get out of a seat if someone needs it more than you, and when in doubt to gently offer. It seems to me a more prevalent mentality in the US, but maybe I need to compare more similar areas, such as New York to London, vs. small towns.

persa

alias*alibi wrote: »

What's a baby on board badge??? I haven't used public transport in years so intrigued!

I don't know the specific criteria (presumably you show a scan and/or wait until you're showing!) but pregnant women can get hold of a badge from TfL that essentially tells other commuters they're pregnant not fat and it's ok to offer their seats up.

Nothing worse than sitting down on the tube, noticing a lady without a badge get on and trying to figure out if she's pregnant or overweight without her catching you staring.

I think it's okay to make a general announcement of 'Would anyone mind giving up their seat, I'm pregnant and don't feel well enough to stand', but targeting one person in particular may be a little rude. Chances are, there's someone sat a few seats down who is perfectly fit and healthy but couldn't spot your bump from where they were sitting due to people standing between you. If you ask someone in the priority seats - well, they may be sat down for a reason.

motherofstudents

Just wanted to mention a more positive experience that my son had recently. He got on a train from Manchester to Lancaster and for the first 10 - 15 minutes it was crowded with football supporters. An announcement was made apologising for the overcrowding and saying that it would be alleviated when most of the fans got off in two stops time.

My son is a very bad traveller and as he was jammed in amongst the crowd, started to feel very faint. Fortunately (or not ?) he did not fall to the ground as the number of passengers meant he was held upright. People were very good and tried their best to help him. One person gave him a bottle of water and a middle aged woman got up and offered her seat. She said she was getting off soon anyway so he got the seat for most of the way. The seat was actually reserved but the person who reserved it was given another seat by a passenger who had witnessed him faint. So, it's not all bad. My son is 24 fit and healthy normally but I was very grateful to those people for helping him.

thegirlintheattic

ziggy2004 wrote: »

So if in that situation you would have entered the tube and had been unable to find a seat you would have stood anyway despite being unable to do so :undecided

You should not have been abused either a simple ' I am sorry but I cannot give you my seat' should be enough.

Considering I was not travelling in peak time I would have simply moved to a carriage with seats - Tubes are not always full you know. In fact, the only times I've ever been in a situation with no seats on the tube were commuting to work in peak time and after about 10 pm. Most of the time you can easily find a seat, especially if you don't try the carriage opposite the exit/entrance. If I had found myself without a seat I would have got off and waited for a train with seats - simples.

Unfortunately saying you can't give up your seat is in my experience is treated as if you won't give up your seat.