Here I am in debt again. 2nd time lucky

StressedSteph

Yay thanks FreebyFifty.

I am subscribed to your diary too.

Thanks hun xxx

Gotta kill those OD's xx

rising_from_the_ashes

Ohhhh I'm going to be soooooo happy once my OD is gone .... *sigh* ..... it's going to take forever tho!

rising_from_the_ashes

StressedSteph wrote: »

I had a FIRST today:-

I noticed the postman had been and I was'nt terrified of what might have come through the door :T:T:T.

I still have the odd reminder coming in, but I KNOW I have budgeted for them and it is under control.

Such a nice feeling. I used to be terrified of the post and phone calls.

:beer:

mmmmm I still hate getting "official" looking letters ... and if I see something from the bank / mortgage co etc, I always assume the worst .... and it takes me ages to pluck up the courage to open them - wonder if that will ever go away?

StressedSteph

I know what you mean Rising, but now I am abit more in control, there seems to be alot less of the scary letters arriving.:j

Grrrrrr I feel abit annoyed at the moment.:mad:

It feels like as soon as I get a little bit extra into the bank account something happens to soak it up.

I know today I have signed us up to an extra £58 per month with the Accident Insurance and the Critical Illness insurances, but we really do need them ,so not overly worried. We should have had them years ago.

Just as I was transferring the Ebay profits for today, hubby asked if he could play golf once a month, which would be another, minimum of £35 per month. I know it does'nt sound like much but I already factor in the money for the cigarettes and Skittles.

I told him that we could'nt really afford it, last summer he also played tennis once a week which involved another £20 at the pub afterwards. I told him he needed to choose what he was doing as we can't afford the social life he wants at the moment. Of course he is now in abit of a mood, I know why, because he feels like he is the one going out working and i am telling him he can't spend any money.
I know i don't work, but i don't have anyone to help with childcare in holidays and i could'nt earn enough to make paying someone to have them make any financial sense.

I also don't have enough fuel in my tank to last the week, with no extra budgeted and I have to find £25 for DS Martial Arts grading, and I haven't found a way to factor in hubbys tobacco yet.

Grrrrrrr I REALLY want to keep the monthly outgoings as small as possible but I feel like I am being hit in all directions with money needing to leave the account. :(:(:(:(

Fed up

rising_from_the_ashes

StressedSteph wrote: »

hubby asked if he could play golf once a month, which would be another, minimum of £35 per month. I know it does'nt sound like much but I already factor in the money for the cigarettes and Skittles.

I told him that we could'nt really afford it, last summer he also played tennis once a week which involved another £20 at the pub afterwards. I told him he needed to choose what he was doing as we can't afford the social life he wants at the moment. Of course he is now in abit of a mood, I know why, because he feels like he is the one going out working and i am telling him he can't spend any money.

I know i don't work, but i don't have anyone to help with childcare in holidays and i could'nt earn enough to make paying someone to have them make any financial sense.

Ohhhh hun (((hugs))) it's such a fine balancing act at the start ..... your hubby needs a bit of a reality check I'm afraid

Does he not see that he's currently the only one with any sort of treats going on .... he's doing pretty well for himself with the tobacco & skittles (every week!) .... now he wants golf too!

I can totally understand where he's coming from but he must surely realise that with only 1 income then you can't afford to do everything you want to .....

As for not working - what would be the point if it all went on childcare?

You can't get back time you'll have spent with them when they're little so enjoy it as much as you can:)


rant warning!

I hate hearing working parents on the news etc moaning about how much they spend on childcare ... sorry but they chose to have kids ... they chose to work - why the h*ll should the rest of us pay their childcare costs :mad: (which we do in the form of taxes) - if they don't like it, stay at home!

please-let-me-be-lucky

Maybe now is a good time to say something like 'well you spend £X on smoking per month, so if you gave that up you could maybe go golfing'.

I know you don't want to tell him the extent of the debt, but you could point out that you are working very hard to pay it off and you and the kids are going without, yet to make him happy you find £20 a week for his skittles, £X amount for his smoking, he wants £800 for a gun and now another £35 for golfing. You'd have to tread a fine line so he doesn't see it as you moaning and blaming him for everything though! It would be easier for him to see your point of view if he knew how much debt there actually is.

Have you asked him if there are things of his you can ebay? It's amazing what DH can find to sell if it translates to him getting what he wants! Xx

StressedSteph

Thanks for your replies Rising & PLMBL

I think the trouble I am having is, that I only had my LBM last November (i.e I stopped spending), I have racked up a fairly large catalogue bill that is taking £600 per month to get rid of.

He see's that I had everything I wanted last year and now all of a sudden I am being Captain Sensible and he thinks he can carry on as normal.

We both skirted around the issue last night, I don't think either of us wanted a row about it, so it was'nt really addressed properly.

He asked about putting Golf in the budget, I touched on how I am already trying to factor in around £120 per month for tobacco & Skittles. (And that is me presuming a 50g pack of tobacco will last 2 weeks, which I don't think it does).

He went quiet when I said that, Then I said to him, what is going to happen in the summer this year, as last year he played Tennis once a week as well with the pub afterwards. He claimed that Skittles would have finished by then, but I reminded him that he played Summer 5 aside skittles during last Summer, so Skittles never actually finished at all. Some weeks he went out 2-3 times :eek:.

Anyway he went quiet and did'nt bite back, but I am sure he has'nt ruled anything out .

I hate to be a party pooper but there is only so much I can squeeze into the budget before there is nothing left for debt paying and then we will never get out of this mess.

I am sat here weighing up my family gold in a bid to pay off extra and he is thinking of new ways to spend it.

Grrrrr. I think he is so not used to me being sensible and saying NO. That its abit of a shock.

Watch this space........

please-let-me-be-lucky

I'm sure you know best Steph about how things would be if you told DH the true extent of the debt, but as an outsider looking in it seems it would make things better if you told him.

I understand what you mean about the catalogue bill etc, but was everything you bought JUST for you?? I doubt it based on what you said about the gun and buying for the kids etc.

Personally I'd say something like "Look, I tried to get everything everyone wanted and keep everyone happy and I now realise I was wrong to do so. My heart was in the right place but I didn't use my head, and now we are all paying for it. I take responsibility for the fact we now struggle to have what we want but it's only because I mever wanted that to actually be the case, that we are now in this situation. This is what we owe ..., but I've already paid off ..., and if I can keep the momentum going we will be debt free by May 2014. That's only one more year of debt busting and then we will have more money again. BUT, I promise that we will never get in that situation again so we will just have to be a bit more sensible and save for what we want in the future".

mummybearx

I feel for you My DH is full time at college just now, so bringing in no money. All the debt is mine (we both spent the money or enjoyed the benefits of the money, but it's all in my name). He smokes and practices with his band at least once a week. What's that, about £55 a week in total? He was talking the other day about joining a local group, something to do with telescopes, night sky etc. I had to say no, I can't afford to give him money for that. Feel really bad saying no, but...... I can't keep stretching my wage to accomodate more and more hobbies, I just can't do it!

Don't feel too bad, yes it makes you feel bad saying no but..... You have to. If you don't then this debt it just going to drag on even longer than it needs to x

StressedSteph

Thanks PLMBL & Zepsgal.

I feel it all coming to a head. I had somehow convinced myself that hubby never really asked for any money so it did'nt really matter if he was'nt on board. He always claims that he's the one that works and i'm the one that spends.

Now I am realising that he does spend quite abit of money per month, I just never budgeted for it.

Most of the catalogue debt is just clothes for the kids and Birthday / Christmas presents because you get in a viscious circle when you are in debt.

You have no spare cash, so you have to use expensive catalogue to get stuff. But if I was more careful with the cash, I could afford to shop around and get stuff alot cheaper. So the debt gets worse and worse. Grrrrr :mad:.

I WILL stick my foot down on this. If he insists on golfing & Tennis etc, then he is going to have to work extra jobs to do it. Even though that would still be annoying as that money would be better going off on debts.

I have already said that any extra above his normal wage he earns, he can save for a gun. He thought it was quite funny, when I suggested him putting it in a savings jar. He has insisted on keeping it in his wallet, where I know it will just get spent. But I guess thats up to him.

I would REALLY like to get a part time job, so that I had money of my own to do stuff with, but even though the children are in school so I could. What on earth do I do during the holidays??.

I have no parents anymore, my inlaws are in their 70's and unwell and no other close family locally.

I have only ever been a secretary so doubt my wages would justify paying for a summer school or some activity thing. and I don't really feel its fair to pack the kids off to something EVERY day of the holidays, it should be their time to chill out at home.
I would probably lose loads of Children Tax Credit as well, so not really be any better off.

Am I just making excuses, am I missing a trick somewhere?

Just ordered another CashforGold package. I have some of my grans old rings that can go. I am just keeping her wedding ring and a couple of bits. It is a shame to sell the bits I am sentimental about.

Sorry to rant on today. just a bad day xxx