Here I am in debt again. 2nd time lucky

mummybearx

Haha! I was thinking, Is she trying to tell me something? :rotfl:

StressedSteph

armchairexpert wrote: »

Steph, I have long since noticed that because it tends to be the woman in a household who is responsible for buying children's clothes, birthday and Christmas presents, homewares, etc., they get tarred with the spendthrift brush a lot more readily than the man. Most of the things you have bought weren't for you. Sure, you bought on credit and that's now something you're addressing, I'm certainly not saying "hey, go out and buy anything you want", but please don't fall into the trap of thinking that because you were the one to physically choose the items, they therefore count as "things you have bought for you". If you see what I mean?

Rising, I'm going to go ahead and say this: I'm really upset and offended by your rant. I believe that working parents materially contribute to the economy in valuable ways, and it's appropriate that they are supported to make it a financially viable choice. But this is Steph's thread, so I'm not going to have a huge debate about it. I just needed to not let that go, because I was pretty taken aback to read that on someone's DFD.

Thanks so much for that post ArmchairExpert.

I really do think you are right. I am sure he thinks I am ALWAYS out spending. He does'nt realise that its food / School shoes etc

Hubby & I had a chat last night. (Admittedly not the best timing after he had come in from Skittles abit tipsy).

Anyway I tried to explain the whole process, of me not liking to say no to him or the kids about what gadgets/outings we can afford. So I get us hocked up because of it, and then its a viscious cycle of then not affording to buy stuff, like clothes etc, so it has to go on Expensive catalogues which then makes more debt.

He did seem to understand, but then in the next breath he is asking why, when its HIM that goes out and works very hard, that he can't go out to Golf/Tennis/Skittles etc etc.

He can't seem to get it out of his head that he is at work all day working hard and I am home relaxing. I tried to explain that if I could get a job, I would. But what can I do :mad:

I think we are just somehow going to have to agree to disagree.

Regarding the working parents thing. Is this about the Free vouchers you get when your child turns 3?

I guess it is the government trying to get mothers back to work, and I do think it should only be paid to mothers who ARE actually working. (I used mine and I was'nt ). But in reality it only pays for a tiny proportion of the working week so unless you have a pretty good job in the first place, I don't think the voucher helps THAT much.

My personal opinion is that if you have a child, you should be there for them. Which means staying home until they start school and then only working part-time so that they don't turn into latch key kids eating ready meals every night.

BUt thats my opinion and possibly why I am in debt :rotfl:.

Each to his own

StressedSteph

Morning Rising.

Feel free to debate on my diary, I am fine :cool:.

I personally don't work because I have no immediate family available to help. End of story....

I would LOVE to work, especially after the arguements hubby and I have been having lately :mad:.

But I do know my limitations. I am at best a PA or secretary. What would I earn? Maybe £9 per hour, if I am lucky?

So thats £63 per day before tax.

During the summer holidays I think the cheapest thing I could do with the children is either a Local nurserys summer school which costs £22 per child per day or a local sports centre which charges £18 per child.

during the school holidays I would be earning after tax £6.40 per day. If I count the fuel to deliver and collect them the 14 mile round trip twice . Thats me probably in a minus situation.

Every friend I know who works, has family back-up

And then I am not sure what would happen to my TaxCredits if I earnt so I would probably be even worse off than I am now.

I am hoping this temping idea might work. I am worried as I live in the sticks that the amount of travel I might have to do might cancel out a few hours of pay each day in fuel. But will wait and see.

I am pretty traditional. I think you need to be there for your children as much as possible, so working a 40 hours week would not sit right with me anyway.

Anyway another ramble over

StressedSteph

Morning all,

As you may have read in one of my above posts, hubby and I had abit of a row last night.:mad:.

Its the age old arguement of = I work, you don't, why can't I spend some of my money???.

I tried to explain that WE together had gotten into this debt and WE together needed to get out of it.

When he moaned about not having any money, I explained that he does have money (Cigarettes / Skittles). What do I have???
I have nothing at the moment, because I am trying to sort out our finances.

Anyway - The arguement fizzled out on a disagreement.
I told him a while ago that if he wanted a shotgun then he could save the money that he occasionally earns from little extra jobs and buy it with that.

He said last night that he was'nt that fussed about the gun anymore as he probably would'nt use it that much - I asked him what he was going to do with his extra money and told him that I did'nt want him drinking it down the pub.

He wanted to know why not??. I tried to explain that I would rather pay off our debts than make the local landlord rich, and that I thought we were a family team? He said we are, but the arguement kind of fizzled out then and we both went to bed.

Aaaargh. I know he works hard, but what on earth can I do about it?.

I sometimes think we ought to sell this place and buy a regular house. We have 295k left if we pay off the mortgage. We could easily get a normal house and have no debts and no mortgage. But we love having the extra land and space. Sometimes not sure if its worth it though?

Wow this diary is becoming a monster. Sorry guys xx

lurvlyloz

if you seriously cant see the worht in being in the bigger house with the land then would a house move may be a solution? what would hubs think to that?

does he know the fulle xtent of the debt?

*hugs for you * xxx

eco_farmer

hello:D am de lurking for a sec so how much i enjoy this thread with animals and land myself i relate to your situation well!

i am sure your doing this already but if not it may help with communication. tell him when your debt free date is i Know you have said you got the debt and you want to sort it out but it may help him to understand the current situation isn't going to be forever and he may be less resentfull and more supportive especially as i think we are not talking to long 2014? and things will be a lot easier after that prehaps sit down and paint a broad and slightly narrower plans of how/what you will do with the surpluses you will have after this date. there's nothing like a shared vision/plan to unite people:beer:.

With the risk of getting my head ripped off can i just say to one or two on this thread not all men are crap with money and (this is a general comment not specific) if couples communicated better money were concerned then situations where one person is deemed as being selfish or irresponcible may not arise.

gets his coat and puts on his hard hat;)

eco

rising_from_the_ashes

StressedSteph wrote: »

He said last night that he was'nt that fussed about the gun anymore as he probably would'nt use it that much

So ... the up side to this is - thank goodness one wasn't bought out the household finances when he said he wanted one!:)

StressedSteph wrote: »

I sometimes think we ought to sell this place and buy a regular house. We have 295k left if we pay off the mortgage. We could easily get a normal house and have no debts and no mortgage. But we love having the extra land and space. Sometimes not sure if its worth it though?

Difficult one ..... I guess it depends on what you use the extra land for / whether it makes a profit (if it's supposed to) / whether the lifestyle it affords and being able to raise your children in a rural area weighs up against moving somewhere where you could be debt / mortgage free....

PinotGrigio41

Just de lurking very quickly, I have had a quick skim read of your diary Steph . You seem worried you are venting on your diary . Thats what it there for ! Its your diary for you to vent on if need me. Lords knows I have done it time and time again and it really does help. Also hearing other peoples perspective and take on things is also very helpful.

I will read your diary properly when I have more time.

Oh and Eco Farmer some very valid points made there !

Take Care Steph, I have subscribed

Mrs PG X

StressedSteph

Thanks for all your replies everyone,

I guess everyone has a rough week, and this must be mine.:o

I think I will just have to settle for hubby using his extra money for what he wants to do and just be glad I have his usual wages with no extra entertainment expenses coming out of it.

I WILL guard our spreadsheet from pointless spending if it kills me .

The small holding was always our dream. We have always wanted to eat fresh home reared food and could never afford to buy organic free range veg & meat.

2011/2012 year we raised pigs, lambs, chickens (eggs & meat) geese & ducks.
2013 we hope to get the polytunnel and veg plot sorted.

Unfortunately we also have 1 extension half finished and another one yet to be built on the house.

The house sits on 6.5 acres and is truly lovely, but it is SUCH a money pit. The trouble is, we have gotten in such debt rushing to get the house habitable that we now have to spend most of our money servicing the debt rather than renovating the house etc.

I have calculated we have about £700 surplus every month. I have been trying in the short-term put that into the debt and then when it lessens a little and the OD looks better, then split the £700 into two. And spend half on the house and half on the debts.

I sometimes wonder though, if the struggle is worth it. We have definately made the harder choice.

We had a cross roads when my mum died.

1) Normal house / No mortgage, odd holiday etc

2) Small-holding with mortgage. land, ability to live a more self sufficient lifestyle, animals, large veg plot etc. Freedom for the children.

Don't get me wrong Option two is fantastic and once we have renovated the house and sorted the out-buildings, it will be alot easier to manage. But sometimes looking at Option 1 makes me think we were insane :eek:.

Eco Farmer - Hubby is USUALLY very good with money, and gets quite stressed if he has to buy anything of any expense. But socialising is a big thing in our village and most of the people here are alot considerably richer than us (or appear to be). So I guess he is trying to keep up with them .

Thanks for looking in Pinot, it might take a while to read all my waffling

Off to draw out the £90 to pay for the tobacco. Boy thats going to be painful as all my penny pinching

Speak to you all later.
Lv Steph x

StressedSteph

Update:-

Have just posted another 22grams of old gold to [EMAIL="postgoldforc@ash"]postgoldforc@ash[/EMAIL]. Am hoping for about £200. Fingers Crossed

Got a statement from one of my closed BT accounts thats in credit for £63.99. Endured a 15 minute phone call and should hopefully get my cheque refund within the next two weeks.

Thats money I did'nt expect :T.

Dragging money into the account slowly but surely. Certainly feels better than it going out of the account