what to do........

Incapuppy

pinkskyatnight wrote: »

i think the whole proposal thing has got a bit out of hand!

To be fair it was you who mentioned berating him every time he missed what you thought would have been a 'perfect moment' for a proposal!

That said I am glad you have spoken to him about the matter and are now signing from the same hymn sheet as it were.

VestanPance

catkins wrote: »

I think you have been very patient to be with someone for over 4 years and not have a date to get married. I would not have wanted to wait that long.

I was together with my ex for seven years before getting married. Got together at 18 and married in our mid-20's.

The OP is still very young. I don't see there being any need to rush into marriage.

JimmyTheWig

pinkskyatnight wrote: »

i think my first question that i made this post about was whether to get married now with debts in a simple registry office ceremony and then a very low key reception of some sort or whether to wait and pay off all our debts and then get married, in the same sort of style with perhaps more of a budget.
...
i bite the bullet and spoke to him about it and the truth of the matter is that he thinks proposing and getting married is all a bit hassle, hes not one for being the centre of attention and hes not one for wasting money

Then it sounds like the small wedding would be ideal.
Assuming that you can find the money for this now, you can do it whenever you are both ready.

he does want children but is like me unsure when we should start, we agree that we would like to get our debts down before heading off on that mission, he knows that i would like to be married before having kids.

Doesn't mean that you can't get married now.
Or is his thinking that if you get married that you will want children shortly after? Is not proposing his way of ensuring children are pushed back until the debts are down?

thank for your posting the carat* website

I'm still confused by this. When I clicked the link it showed a ring for hundreds of dollars.
Have I missed the point?

valk_scot

I've been married for twenty years now and I still don't have an engagement ring. We got together in the days when the mortgage rate was ~16% and we were skint after we'd paid the bills. (No debts apart from the mortgage though.) We got married four years after we'd moved in together, at the local registry office, and had a party at the local pub for a reception. I made my dress, he wore his kilt (we're scottish) and we had a fortnight in a relatives cottage up north as a honeymoon. And as I said, we've been married over 20 years now, three kids and we've paid off the mortgage. I'd never have wanted to spend thousands on a dress or reception.

ETA: He proposed to me in the local pub btw, same one we had our reception in. If I recall correctly he came back from the bar with the drinks, sat down and said "I was thinking we should get married sometime?" "Okay" said I and that was it. No big hearts and flowers and fireworks moment but I still remember it. Romance has nothing to do with the trappings, the jewelry or the pound notes.

Ames

I don't understand why the proposal is such a big deal? You're already talking about the wedding, so surely you're already engaged since a wedding is already in the plans for the future?

Mojisola

pinkskyatnight wrote: »

hes not one for being the centre of attention

pinkskyatnight wrote: »

if i had my way i would only have my mum at the wedding but my boyfriend is close with his family and by the time you invite one you have to invite the whole lot!

This could be a big stumbling block. It's difficult to reconcile the two issues.

Which will he cope with best - being the centre of attention or having a very quiet ceremony and possibly upsetting his relations?

bodmil

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catkins

Scorpio33 wrote: »

The question I have is why would you want to get married? The only answer I can see is that you want kids. Maybe he doesn't want kids yet, and so has yet to propose. I am sure he understands the issue about debts, but that should not stop him buying an engagement ring if he wanted to. So I think that he doesn't want to propose as he doesn't want kids yet..

Why can she not just want to get married? Some people believe in marriage and not everyone gets married because they want children. I am married and don't have children through choice.

VestanPance wrote: »

I was together with my ex for seven years before getting married. Got together at 18 and married in our mid-20's.

The OP is still very young. I don't see there being any need to rush into marriage.

I don't think that after over 4 years together it could be called rushing into marriage. Age doesn't necessarily make any difference either. I was 26 and OH 23 when we got married after only being together 5 months. We have been very happily married for over 30 years.

Mojisola wrote: »

This could be a big stumbling block. It's difficult to reconcile the two issues.

Which will he cope with best - being the centre of attention or having a very quiet ceremony and possibly upsetting his relations?

I don't agree. It is possible to have a quiet wedding but still invite everyone you want. Registry weddings on the whole are quieter or just have immediate family to the wedding and everyone else invite to the reception.

I didn't want a big white wedding partly because I don't go to church although I do believe in God and partly because I did not want to be centre of attention. Me and OH got married in a register office with just parents and siblings there and then had a party in the evening with all our other family and friends. Some of OH's family weren't happy but it was our day.