We’d like to remind Forumites to please avoid political debate on the Forum.
This is to keep it a safe and useful space for MoneySaving discussions. Threads that are – or become – political in nature may be removed in line with the Forum’s rules. Thank you for your understanding.
📨 Have you signed up to the Forum's new Email Digest yet? Get a selection of trending threads sent straight to your inbox daily, weekly or monthly!
what to do........

pinkskyatnight
Posts: 125 Forumite
il give you some details first before i need your opinions!
i am 23 my boyfriend is 26.
we have been together nearly 4.5 years.
we have owned a house together for just over a year.
i just want to get married!
i dont care about the big day, the ring, the blah blah blah.. i just have a really strong urge to be married, i feel that we have been together for long enough now and we have the house etc. i keep saying to him it will cost nearly the same to make a will as it will be to get hitched in a registry office! i want us to be connecting in the eyes of the law regarding our house and assets etc - not that there is much!
we are currently just under £10,000 in debt - naughty naughty i know but we have sorted ourselves out and now are living within our means paying as much debt off as we can..
my question is.. should we get married now, just because we love each other and we dont care about the traditional 'big day'.. or should we pay all of our debts off first and then get married in the big day lots of money fashion??!?!?!?! lol
questions on a postcard lol
i am 23 my boyfriend is 26.
we have been together nearly 4.5 years.
we have owned a house together for just over a year.
i just want to get married!
i dont care about the big day, the ring, the blah blah blah.. i just have a really strong urge to be married, i feel that we have been together for long enough now and we have the house etc. i keep saying to him it will cost nearly the same to make a will as it will be to get hitched in a registry office! i want us to be connecting in the eyes of the law regarding our house and assets etc - not that there is much!
we are currently just under £10,000 in debt - naughty naughty i know but we have sorted ourselves out and now are living within our means paying as much debt off as we can..
my question is.. should we get married now, just because we love each other and we dont care about the traditional 'big day'.. or should we pay all of our debts off first and then get married in the big day lots of money fashion??!?!?!?! lol
questions on a postcard lol
Debt Free Wannabe since Sept 2012!
£8,106.27 / £10,770.00 - 75.26% paid!! Getting closer!
Debt Free by Xmas 2013!!
Thanks to those that post freebies and competitions!
£8,106.27 / £10,770.00 - 75.26% paid!! Getting closer!
Debt Free by Xmas 2013!!
Thanks to those that post freebies and competitions!
0
Comments
-
Strange, you haven't mentioned what his view on it is?"You've been reading SOS when it's just your clock reading 5:05 "0
-
What type of wedding day do you honestly want?
And have you spoken to him and found out his thoughts....
if its the big one then perhaps pay off the debt first...if you are happy with something smaller then theres nothing to stop you doing it that way either...
What you must avoid doing is ending up with a compromise or a make do...and then saying "i wish or what if...."
once you really have your answer about how you want to marry you can go on from there...but the decision really has to be made by you as a couple rather than asking everyone elses opinion on it...tho only opinion that matters is yours and your partners.
Whatever you do ...do it because it represents what you want not because its seen as what is the right wayfrugal October...£41.82 of £40 food shopping spend for the 2 of us!
2017 toiletries challenge 179 out 145 in ...£18.64 spend0 -
pinkskyatnight wrote: »il give you some details first before i need your opinions!
i am 23 my boyfriend is 26.
we have been together nearly 4.5 years.
we have owned a house together for just over a year.
i just want to get married!
i dont care about the big day, the ring, the blah blah blah.. i just have a really strong urge to be married, i feel that we have been together for long enough now and we have the house etc. i keep saying to him it will cost nearly the same to make a will as it will be to get hitched in a registry office! i want us to be connecting in the eyes of the law regarding our house and assets etc - not that there is much!
we are currently just under £10,000 in debt - naughty naughty i know but we have sorted ourselves out and now are living within our means paying as much debt off as we can..
my question is.. should we get married now, just because we love each other and we dont care about the traditional 'big day'.. or should we pay all of our debts off first and then get married in the big day lots of money fashion??!?!?!?! lol
questions on a postcard lol
Why does it have to be either of those?
Surely it would be more sensible to pay off all your debts and just have a simple cheap wedding, because as you said, you don't care about the big day."The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people's money"0 -
sammyjammy wrote: »Strange, you haven't mentioned what his view on it is?
sorry i suppose i should impart his side lol
he wants to buy me a nice ring, which he knows i wont allow him to do with all the debts we have at the moment, so that pretty much rules it out for him. he says he wont propose without a ring.. men!!!!!! whatever you want them to do they wont do it! lolDebt Free Wannabe since Sept 2012!
£8,106.27 / £10,770.00 - 75.26% paid!! Getting closer!
Debt Free by Xmas 2013!!
Thanks to those that post freebies and competitions!0 -
He's being daft. If you've agreed you're getting married then you're engaged, end of, that's what engagement is!
Why don't you pull the ring off a coke can and propose to him?Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants - Michael Pollan
48 down, 22 to go
Low carb, low oxalate Primal + dairy
From size 24 to 16 and now stuck...0 -
I think it's lovely that he wants to marry you, and do things traditional.
Have you mentioned to him about thrift stores?
I'm a big romantic a heart, and I like the thought of a ring having a story (albeit it might not be a nice one) before it having come to me.0 -
What type of wedding day do you honestly want?
as i said, i just want to get married, i would be happy with a registry office and then some sort of party in the evening for friends and family. if i had my way i would only have my mum at the wedding but my boyfriend is close with his family and by the time you invite one you have to invite the whole lot! lol
i dont like wedding tradition, we recently went to a very traditional wedding and we both agreed its not us, sit down meal, dodgy speeches etc. we would just like a big p*ss up, lots of food, drink and good music the way parties used to be!
i just dont know if i want to wait say 2 years to pay the debt off and then however long to save for a wedding and then get married, seems like forever away! i am also in baby mode and have been for the last year or so, hated them before that, and i know that i would like to be married before getting pregnant and planning that new journey, i know i am only young but there is nothing else i want, i am definately not a career women!Debt Free Wannabe since Sept 2012!
£8,106.27 / £10,770.00 - 75.26% paid!! Getting closer!
Debt Free by Xmas 2013!!
Thanks to those that post freebies and competitions!0 -
He's being daft. If you've agreed you're getting married then you're engaged, end of, that's what engagement is!
Why don't you pull the ring off a coke can and propose to him?
haha! i like your thinking!! thats what annoys me, we are practically married anyways with the house and everything! it will be just as much of a nightmare to part now! lol
i dont think i could live it down if i actually proposed, i am the main lead in our relationship and i kind of would like it to be the one thing he does off his own back!! (you know men!) lol ive always said to him, for me its more about the moment when you choose to propose, rather than the fact youve spent x amount of money on a ring, that looks exactly the same as every other engagement ring out there lol i want to be different, the norm is boring in my eyes.. so whenever we have been somewhere romantic or it could have been 'the moment' i always point out and say this would have been a nice moment.. perhaps thats where i am going wrong?! lolDebt Free Wannabe since Sept 2012!
£8,106.27 / £10,770.00 - 75.26% paid!! Getting closer!
Debt Free by Xmas 2013!!
Thanks to those that post freebies and competitions!0 -
Constantly saying something that amounts to "you should have proposed just then" probably makes him feel rushed and pressured. Maybe give yourself (and him) a holiday from even bringing up the subject?
It sounds like he may have more traditional views than you about doing the occasion "properly" - so it's likely to cost more - and his feelings count too!0 -
pinkskyatnight wrote: »so whenever we have been somewhere romantic or it could have been 'the moment' i always point out and say this would have been a nice moment.. perhaps thats where i am going wrong?! lol
How about you look in the Argos book, or similar, and pick out a few nice, cheap rings that you like the look of. Point them out to your boyfriend. Tell him you like them. Tell him any of the ones you pointed out would be nice as an engagement ring. You could even point out to him where the money for one of them could come from (don't know how tight your budgets are, or how you organise your money jointly).
It's a fine line, I'd say. You don't want to tell him outrightly that you want him to do it when and where and how. But equally if you just hint he may not realise what you mean.0
This discussion has been closed.
Confirm your email address to Create Threads and Reply

Categories
- All Categories
- 352.1K Banking & Borrowing
- 253.5K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
- 454.2K Spending & Discounts
- 245.1K Work, Benefits & Business
- 600.7K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
- 177.5K Life & Family
- 258.9K Travel & Transport
- 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
- 16.2K Discuss & Feedback
- 37.6K Read-Only Boards