what to do........

londonsurrey

shegirl wrote: »

Have you ever considered that the ring is important TO HIM?

I totally agree that if the ring is important to him, then he has a right for it to be important.

However, if getting married was important to him, then surely he'd have found a way in 4.5 years to overcome this impediment, i.e. saved up for the ring or a good portion of it by now. Has he even got 25% of the ring saved up? At this rate, it will be another 4.5 x 3 years before he can afford it.

catkins

I think you have been very patient to be with someone for over 4 years and not have a date to get married. I would not have wanted to wait that long.

Do you really need to get engaged? You have been together long enough so just book the church/registry office and get married. I certainly wouldn't wait until you have paid off your debts.

You don't want an expensive flashy wedding so why wait?

Fire_Fox

pinkskyatnight wrote: »

il give you some details first before i need your opinions!
i am 23 my boyfriend is 26.
we have been together nearly 4.5 years.
we have owned a house together for just over a year.
i just want to get married!
i dont care about the big day, the ring, the blah blah blah.. i just have a really strong urge to be married, i feel that we have been together for long enough now and we have the house etc. i keep saying to him it will cost nearly the same to make a will as it will be to get hitched in a registry office! i want us to be connecting in the eyes of the law regarding our house and assets etc - not that there is much!
we are currently just under £10,000 in debt - naughty naughty i know but we have sorted ourselves out and now are living within our means paying as much debt off as we can..
my question is.. should we get married now, just because we love each other and we dont care about the traditional 'big day'.. or should we pay all of our debts off first and then get married in the big day lots of money fashion??!?!?!?! lol
questions on a postcard lol

pinkskyatnight wrote: »

as i said, i just want to get married, i would be happy with a registry office and then some sort of party in the evening for friends and family. if i had my way i would only have my mum at the wedding but my boyfriend is close with his family and by the time you invite one you have to invite the whole lot! lol

i just dont know if i want to wait say 2 years to pay the debt off and then however long to save for a wedding and then get married, seems like forever away! i am also in baby mode and have been for the last year or so, hated them before that, and i know that i would like to be married before getting pregnant and planning that new journey, i know i am only young but there is nothing else i want, i am definately not a career women!

You are contradicting yourself, you don't just want to be married you want marriage and a baby. Maybe the baby mode thing is part of why your partner does not want to propose, given you are only 23 and he is only 26? Oftentimes people get into debt because they 'just want' something now instead of saving up for what they want. You've only had your house for just over a year according to your other thread, has the novelty worn off already?

If you don't want to wait a couple of years don't. There is almost always more budgeting you can do, more debt that can be paid off - there is a list of challenges on the Debt-free Wannabe board, and all of Weezl74's threads. Or sell your house, or let out the house and move into a bedsit together, or sell your car and start using public transport, or take in a paying lodger. Do you want marriage and a baby badly enough to do any of those?

BTW even if you got married you still need to write a will.

JimmyTheWig

mogwai wrote: »

OP how about something like this

http://www.carat.co/web/product/en/1044?antiCache=13534339017789019F6C50C53904191754EBC3501F370

looks gorgeous and can't distinguish from the real thing..
he can always buy you a 'real' engagement ring later

I don't understand.
That link takes you to a ring for more than $300!

Did you see my ring suggestion in post #21, OP?

JimmyTheWig

LEJC wrote: »

when I met my H2B
...
anyway 6 weeks later and the marriage question happened and we set off to buy a ring

Wow, that's even quicker than we were!!

stir_crazy

You dont need to pay a lot of money in order to have a nice engagement ring. I got mine online, there are a lot of websites offering a few deals, some of them have been discussed on the wedding and anniversaries forum so you can decide if you want to use them. If your OH does want to propose but is set on getting you a "proper" ring before you get engaged, maybe have a look round stores to get an idea of what you like then have a look on t'internet to see if you can get a bargain. There are also lots of threads on MSE on how to have the wedding you want without breaking the bank.

For the record, we waited 3 years before getting engaged, and had a 2 year engagement, one of my friends has waited 19 years to be proposed to!

ETA: There's also the Waiting for a Proposal thread on the wedding forum. https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3283450

Scorpio33

I think it is time for an honest chat to your OH.

If he wants to propose, then he should be able to do it in his own way. I agree with him being old fashoined, that he should present you with the ring that he alone pays for - how he does that is up to him.

The question I have is why would you want to get married? The only answer I can see is that you want kids. Maybe he doesn't want kids yet, and so has yet to propose. I am sure he understands the issue about debts, but that should not stop him buying an engagement ring if he wanted to. So I think that he doesn't want to propose as he doesn't want kids yet.

Maybe make it clear to him as to your reasons for wanting to get married. Maybe suggest you can get officially engaged now, and then get married in a few years time - when you are both ready for kids, and when the debts are paid off.

Personally I think you have used the excuse of money to hide the real issue here - to have kids or not together.

Mojisola

Scorpio33 wrote: »

If he wants to propose, then he should be able to do it in his own way. I agree with him being old fashoined, that he should present you with the ring that he alone pays for - how he does that is up to him.

This is 2012, not 1912, isn't it? If one of couple is very keen on getting married, why don't they ask the other one? If he says no, you know where you stand.

Why on earth are you waiting for him to ask you?

notanewuser

daska wrote: »

He's being daft. If you've agreed you're getting married then you're engaged, end of, that's what engagement is!

Why don't you pull the ring off a coke can and propose to him?

Friend of mine for engaged with a ring fashioned from the cage of the bottle of champagne they had when she said yes.

pinkskyatnight

hi everyone, thank you all for your posts.
i think my first question that i made this post about was whether to get married now with debts in a simple registry office ceremony and then a very low key reception of some sort or whether to wait and pay off all our debts and then get married, in the same sort of style with perhaps more of a budget.
i think the whole proposal thing has got a bit out of hand!
i bite the bullet and spoke to him about it and the truth of the matter is that he thinks proposing and getting married is all a bit hassle, hes not one for being the centre of attention and hes not one for wasting money, he does want children but is like me unsure when we should start, we agree that we would like to get our debts down before heading off on that mission, he knows that i would like to be married before having kids.

thank for your posting the carat* website, this looks really interesting as we have now both agreed that neither of us want an expensive ring and we find the novelty of a fake ring quite funny!

there are so many options in life, sometimes we all need a little help with our path and realising what we hold dear