Help! 18 yr old sis and 46 yr old man

Tish_P

Well, if he's going to behave like that, a swift ending was the best possible outcome. Phew. Take her out for a commiseratory cocktail and tell her she missed a bullet there, not because of his age but because of he's overbearing and bad-tempered.

She'll be off to uni soon and surrounded by more suitable chaps (and some unsuitable ones too, but let's hope they're the fun kind). Does she do any sports? Music societies at universities are often female-dominated and if she's shy it'd be good to have somewhere she can get used to talking to men.

duchy

Thank goodness you didn't go to your parents.....now just remember not to say "I told you so" to her And invite her down to London for a girly lunching, shopping weekend to cheer her up !

Errata

LandyAndy wrote: »

May be keeping it a secret because they fear reactions like yours?

And know you know that wasn't the case.

Mojisola

*Beki* wrote: »

My sister actually just contacted me to say that the relationship is over, as she went away and thought about our discussion and decided she wanted to talk to him about the future of their relationship and his intentions/why he liked being with her, keeping it secret etc, and he apparently flipped out and said how dare she question him. And then switched his phone off, unfriended her on FB etc etc. A bit OTT and makes me think I definitely made the right decision talking to her about it.

Sounds like your instincts were spot-on, then!

NAR

Thankfully the relationship didn't go too far. Good for you Beki for keeping her "secret" and giving good advice, which was taken on board. So your close relationship has been kept intact. Being 18 and "going" with someone near the age of her father is rarely going to have a happy ending, so thankfully it has finished before she has got too hurt.

*Beki*

Thank you so much guys! I know I may have seemed overbearing and interfering in her life, but it just went against her character so much I felt really uncomfortable and like I had to say something.

I will definitely keep our relationship strong so we can remain close and she will know she can always confide in me. I'm so excited for her about Uni- I had a great time with societies and sports and friends, and she loves music and dancing so I'm hoping she'll meet lots of new people through that.

I'll book in some girlie time so I can cheer her up and take her mind off things She's already told me she's "off men for now" so hopefully if he does get back in touch she won't want to deal with the heartache for the moment. And I am glad that I know she will come back to me and tell me if he does.

Thanks again.

tonyh66

Im glad it has a positive outcome, judging by his reaction sounds like he was married or in a relationship and fancied a bit on the side. Be strong for your Sis.

Mojisola

tonyh66 wrote: »

Im glad it has a positive outcome, judging by his reaction sounds like he was married or in a relationship and fancied a bit on the side. Be strong for your Sis.

Or a younger woman who was easily controlled. Some men can't cope with women as equals.

Angry_Bear

*Beki* wrote: »

My sister actually just contacted me to say that the relationship is over, as she went away and thought about our discussion and decided she wanted to talk to him ....

Good for her! It sounds like she is very capable of handling a t0$$er as required. This isn't a "go", it's good that you look out for your sister - but it seems like she may be a bit tougher than you expected.

I'm sure there will be other men who don't work out (or, do ) - at least now you know she will be able to cope .

SuzieSue

You were right to be concerned for your sister. Unfortunately, at 18 (or at any age come to think of it), it is very difficult for a girl to know whether an older man is being genuine or whether he is married etc.

It is very easy for an older man to buy gifts etc and, yes, he might be sincere, but how on earth do you tell (it reminds me of the recent incidents of young girls being groomed - how could they know that the men were part of a gang - as far as they were concerned the men were just showing them some attention).

Unfortunately, you need to tell your sister that she needs to be cautious when anyone approaches her (old or young) and that she shouldn't start a sexual relationship until she is absolutely sure about him and probably not until after he has met her friends (and family) and she has met his.

I know someone who had a part-time job while she was at uni and met someone where she worked and it turned out that he had half a dozen women on the go at the same time and she only found out after she had been going out with him for over a year.