Help! 18 yr old sis and 46 yr old man

POPPYOSCAR

*Beki* wrote: »

I think the difference is the support group...

At Uni if she gets hit on by an unsavoury guy she'll (hopefully) have a bunch of girlfriends to give her advice, warn her, look after her, tell him to get lost- it will be an open, socially accepted relationship etc.

At the moment, she's sneaking around, hiding it from everyone (I'm the only one who knows) and has no-one to see what they're doing and warn her of the potential pitfalls.

Her choice or his?

glitter_fairy

How is the relationship making her feel? Does she seem happy? worried? scared?

duchy

Depending what "sneaking off in corners" means.

A new relationship she's quite shy about and isn't ready to go public with in front of Mum and Dad yet ....... At eighteen I wasn't rushing to introduce my boyfriend and my parents to each other until we'd been together a few months as I knew they'd be asking a million questions -and I didn't want him thinking I was leaping ahead in the relationship either .......certainly wouldn't have introduced him after a couple of dates and hand holding which is the point Beki's sister is at and everything beyond that that which may or may not happen is all in Beki's head !

You sister as she's 18 and planning on Uni next year is presumably at school or college .......You say she has no-one to advise her-are you seriously saying she has no friends her own age from school or college or anywhere else?

Idiophreak

The fact that she says she loves the guy means she's probably not viewing this as a bit of fun, so the best you can do is encourage her to make it into a "proper" relationship, rather than sneaking around behind everyone's back and not telling the parents etc...Try and get her to get things out in the open...

Try and get together with them as a couple. If there's anything really fishy going on, the guy will probably be scared off by the thought of meeting the family, if not, he might not be a serial killer...in which case, you should give the guy a fair go...

*Beki*

She's never going to tell my parents- she knows they wouldn't approve, so she's already told me she's not going to tell them. I don't know whether it was his idea to sneak around, or hers, but I wouldn't imagine either of them would want to deal with the repercussions from my parents.

She does have friends at college, and did have a boy she fancied and kissed, but it didn't go any further and she's now decided college boys are "too immature". Her friends seem to just agree with everything she says, and be impressed that she has a "boyfriend", they probably see it as being a rebellious teenager and it's cool.

I'm hoping she's making more out of this than it actually is, and my imagination is just getting carried away...

Errata

I dunno, if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck it's very often a crocodile with large snapping teeth.
The bottom line is that they appear to be keeping it a secret from everyone, which is a pretty fair indication they both know it would meet with nobody's approval. Probably because biologically he's old enough to be her grandad.
Invite them round to yours for an early Christmas drink and nibbles.

LandyAndy

Errata wrote: »

I dunno, if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck it's very often a crocodile with large snapping teeth.
The bottom line is that they appear to be keeping it a secret from everyone, which is a pretty fair indication they both know it would meet with nobody's approval. Probably because biologically he's old enough to be her grandad.
Invite them round to yours for an early Christmas drink and nibbles.

May be keeping it a secret because they fear reactions like yours?

*Beki*

Thanks for all the feedback. I know people were only trying to help.

My sister actually just contacted me to say that the relationship is over, as she went away and thought about our discussion and decided she wanted to talk to him about the future of their relationship and his intentions/why he liked being with her, keeping it secret etc, and he apparently flipped out and said how dare she question him. And then switched his phone off, unfriended her on FB etc etc. A bit OTT and makes me think I definitely made the right decision talking to her about it.

glitter_fairy

*Beki* wrote: »

Thanks for all the feedback. I know people were only trying to help.

My sister actually just contacted me to say that the relationship is over, as she went away and thought about our discussion and decided she wanted to talk to him about the future of their relationship and his intentions/why he liked being with her, keeping it secret etc, and he apparently flipped out and said how dare she question him. And then switched his phone off, unfriended her on FB etc etc. A bit OTT and makes me think I definitely made the right decision talking to her about it.

Sorry your sister went through that.

Well done for keeping her confidence and now she still trusts now, she is really lucky to have you.

POPPYOSCAR

*Beki* wrote: »

Thanks for all the feedback. I know people were only trying to help.

My sister actually just contacted me to say that the relationship is over, as she went away and thought about our discussion and decided she wanted to talk to him about the future of their relationship and his intentions/why he liked being with her, keeping it secret etc, and he apparently flipped out and said how dare she question him. And then switched his phone off, unfriended her on FB etc etc. A bit OTT and makes me think I definitely made the right decision talking to her about it.

Be careful what you say to her now about him.

If she loves this man he may get back in touch with her and start it all up again. If you say to much about him now she may not tell you if this happens.