Falsely accused of bullying in school l

Chakani

I think you need to go to the school and find out from the teacher who dealt with the situation exactly what happened before representing your child as an innocent, injured party.

Admittedly, the child with Aspergers may be reacting inappropriately, but that is something for his parents and involved professionals to sort out with him.

But, reading what you have written, I wouldn't be very surprised if the children accused of bullying have done something to warrant the accusation. They might think of it as banter, but if it's hurtful to someone else, then it's not banter. Maybe bullying is an extreme word to use if they were just getting carried away and weren't meaning to be hurtful, but if the other child is feeling bullied, then something needs to be changed, regardless of what name you attach to it.

Start with the school, who will hopefully be able to give you an unbiased opinion of what has been going on, then talk honestly with your daughter about how to deal with situations like this appropriately.

seabreeze_3

I have sat down with her this morning and she swears on her life that she has done nothing to this child i know she is no angel but bullying is not in her nature she is a very timid child but her friends in her peer group are all familiar with each others humour and likes and dislikes as they have been good friends since nursery and play and take part in activities together with no trouble at all at weekends she has also told me this morning they went to quiet part of the yard this week to practice a sketch for the school play together and he followed them again and was sending another child over to see if they were talking about him then he just stands staring at them as I have said they have tried to understand his condition and include him but this child is not coping socially in this group which i believe is down to his aspergers I have told her 3 weeks ago to stay away from him after the incident when he hit her in the face for no reason other than not having his own way in game they were all playing which she assures me she has tried to but as she said if he following them everywhere what are they supposed to do I will be putting my concerns in writing and making an appointment with school to see if they have any ideas how to remedy this situation with a child who is obviously struggling with mainstream schooling socially but as we all remember that is one of the most important parts of comprehensive this when they do a good part of their growing up and i will not have this child making her life a misery with false accusations as by his mothers own admission his condition is getting worse as he gets older so this needs to be addressed and moniterd not pull in every child who looks at him the wrong way thanks for your views

LondonDiva

Seabreeze

Please, please, please break up your posts as it is very dificult to understand them.

People who say that punctuation and attention to detail when writing doesn't matter are lying to you.

shegirl

If they're 'joking around' and making 'banter' that this lad has perceived as bullying then this 'joking' etc has to be about this lad,no?In which case maybe they should realise that and stop 'joking' about him.

Ruby_woo

Sea breeze, I'm finding it hard to read your posts, I think it's because you want to get it all out of your head and onto the screen quickly lol.

Please break it up a little x

mrcow

You need to make an appointment and see her form teacher and head of year.

Talk to them directly about your concerns. Don't write in to the school or speak to the other parent.

And stop worrying. Until you have spoken face to face about it, you are only winding yourself up about the "what ifs?"

Tropez

shegirl wrote: »

If they're 'joking around' and making 'banter' that this lad has perceived as bullying then this 'joking' etc has to be about this lad,no?In which case maybe they should realise that and stop 'joking' about him.

Not necessarily. He follows this group around. I'd say it is possible that he has a crush on one of the girls and mistakes their banter as picking on her so "defends" her and takes it personally himself.

Fosterdog

I may be bashed for saying this but as someone with an Aspie brother and who has worked with Aspie children part of the condition for most includes an almost complete inability to lie. If he is saying he is being bullied then he probably is.

What you and your daughter see as lighthearted banter is bullying, it is causing upset to another person and it doesn't matter whether that person has any sort of condition or not, if he feels bullied and victimised then it is for a reason.

You need to start teaching your daughter some life lessons and maybe teach her about Aspergers, if she understands why this boy has "funny" habits/personality traits she will be more tolerant and will stop making fun of him.

He has a condition that makes socialising and understanding other people very difficult, unless your daughter has a similar condition she is the one who needs to learn some compassion and tolerance of someone who is different.

daska

My view is that you're not listening to what people are saying. Please take the time to draw breath between sentences, if necessary write each thought on a new line.

seabreeze wrote: »

I have sat down with her this morning and she swears on her life that she has done nothing to this child.

I know she is no angel but bullying is not in her nature, she is a very timid child. Her friends in her peer group are all familiar with each others humour and likes and dislikes as they have been good friends since nursery and play and take part in activities together with no trouble at all at weekends.

She has also told me this morning they went to quiet part of the yard this week to practice a sketch for the school play together. He followed them again and was sending another child over to see if they were talking about him. Then he just stands staring at them.

As I have said they have tried to understand his condition and include him but this child is not coping socially in this group, which i believe is down to his aspergers.

I have told her 3 weeks ago to stay away from him, after the incident when he hit her in the face for no reason other than not having his own way in game they were all playing. Which she assures me she has tried to. But as she said if he is following them everywhere what are they supposed to do?

I will be putting my concerns in writing and making an appointment with school to see if they have any ideas how to remedy this situation with a child who is obviously struggling with mainstream schooling socially. This is one of the most important parts of comprehensive, when they do a good part of their growing up and i will not have this child making her life a misery with false accusations, as by his mothers own admission his condition is getting worse as he gets older.

This needs to be addressed and monitered not pull in every child who looks at him the wrong way.

Thanks for your views

Accusing an lad with Aspergers of lying is a rather tricky defence - people with Aspergers tend to see the world as rather more black and white and like things ordered properly. I suspect what is more likely is that the lad in question is taking what they say and do far more literally than they realise as he will, by the very nature of Aspergers, struggle to see or understand the social nuances of their banter, especially if it includes criticisms.

The fact that the girls know each other so well only goes to support this view of what's happening. And it's very unlikely that he hits for no reason at all, far more likely that the girls are not sensitive to the effect their behaviour is having on him.

And no, I'm not saying that they are deliberately tormenting him, but lets face it, a group of pre-teen and teenage friends can be horrible, even if they are lovely as individuals. The combination of that with a child who struggles to understand social situations is not likely to be a successful one. If he's got it into his head that they are talking about him - which they obviously have - then he may be obsessing about that. Or he may have developed a crush on one of them and that could be the cause. Or it could be any number of other reasons.

IME groups of pre-teen and teenage friends can be quite unpleasant to outsiders so, just because your daughter may be timid and nice as an individual doesn't mean that as a group they may not act very differently. Girls also tend to excel at understanding social nuances so a group of girls and a lad with Aspergers is almost the worst combination for generating misunderstandings.

victory

http://www.larchescommunity.org.uk/Learn-About-Disabilities(2512110).htm



http://www.webmd.com/brain/autism/tc/aspergers-syndrome-symptoms

http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/physical_health/conditions/autism2.shtml