Wait for Babies?



  • mousegirl
    mousegirl Posts: 66 Forumite
    Difficult one this. I got married at 30, had to wait for an operation on gall bladder before we could try for a baby, took a year, so first child born 2002, then had another 2006 (he was 1 last week!).

    We originally said that we wanted to be more financially secure, but when we told friends this, they said if we waited for that we would never have children and we just decided they were right.

    However, we never had any debts other than mortgage and we both worked full time, I went back to work after 4 months full time and paid a friend to have eldest. I would always prefer to stay at home if poss. but my wage is better than husbands so I need to work. This time we were going to work out if we could afford for me to go part time, but I decided that full time was too much and did it anyway. Now have £1000 credit card debt - unrelated to child, this happened because husband now on long term sick.

    So I know my situation is a bit different, we're just managing, it's hard but I wouldn't have it any other way. Also we want another child as well, and there is this to factor into your decision. How many children would you like, presuming there's no problem? You'll be surprised how you could manager, but you can always check out price of childcare with both childminder and nursery and then check out what help with costs you would get.

    Start budgeting strictly straight away, get it all written down and it may give you a clearer picture.

    Would it be possible to pay your debts off over a longer period of time, but paying less per month - not ideal but would be manageable.

    Even though its commendable to want to pay off your debts the shortest time, I would say try and extend the time, pay off less, budget properly, and enjoy having kids!

    BUT Lauralla is going to be debt free in 2008 - that time will fly, not sure of your age, but I would wait in your case. Let's face it you have a good goal to aim and budget for.

    I would have wanted kids when I was younger but didn't meet my husband till I was 29, we'll never be rich, probably never be where we want to be financially, but still want that third child.

    Hope my thoughts have been a help to someone. Another thought, if it would help go to local cab office for advice/help on debts.

    Good luck all!
  • helenm1005
    helenm1005 Posts: 14 Forumite
    There is never a right time - we had our baby in January and my husband just found our the full extent of our debts three days ago - still never regret having our daughter and niether of us would be without her - gives you something to focus on and areason other than yourself for getting sorted out.
  • I think im form a differant school of thought from the majority of you guys on here.

    Im 27 without kids, im not big on the idea of having them, however with all this debt on my shoulders and the worry it brings me, i certainly on a personal level would not go down that avenue.

    The fact you questioned whether now was the right brings uncertainty to it and in my opinion you should not do anything if you have doubts, if paying your debt off is yourr priority and you are after a clean financial life when you have children i would wait, make sure you are 100% comfortable with you circumstances first, then you might have one less thing to worry about and spend that time concentrating on the little one when he/she comes along.

    These are just my opinions however and i thought i would post from a different perspective.

    Hope ive not offended anyone
  • SusanCarter
    SusanCarter Posts: 781 Forumite
    First Post
    Ciara wrote: »
    Also, bear in mind that you may not get pregnant straight away, me and OH have been trying for the last 2 and a half years. Hopefully with the aid of fertility treatment theres light at the end of the tunnel.

    It takes an average couple 6 to 12 months to conceive.

    But you need to be prepared for it happening straight away. Also, you need to take into account whether you will get any money if you are too ill to work during pregnancy. I got pregnant straight away and was unable to work through the whole pregnancy. As I was a supply teacher working through an agency, I didn't get any sick pay or anything.
  • Great thread, good advice and a nice range of views.

    me and Mrs Best both worked full time before out little boy was born 6 months ago. Mrs Best has a years maternity leave from work (3 months full pay, 3 months half pay and 6 months unpaid). She is going to go back to work part time in the evenings when the little man is 12 months old. That way we won't need to pay child care costs. The loss of income can be hard but you can juggle and cut back.

    Apart from the financial aspects I think maybe more important is that your relationship is strong and in good shape before you have children. Apart from all the joy a baby brings it is hard work, exhausting at times and can put a strain on a relationship.

    Good luck what ever you decide !

  • Bella_S
    Bella_S Posts: 1 Newbie
    Mine is a cautionary tale. When I was 33 my boyfriend was still at university and I was paying the mortgage but feeling broody. I went to my doctor who said not to worry, it would be fine to start trying in a couple of years when my boyfriend would be my husband and would have a job. So at 35 we duly wed but 6 months later no baby. Back to the doctor and 18 months later finally get seen by the NHS fertility specialist who tells me my eggs are too old to qualify for IVF on the NHS! 2 years on I am 39, still have no baby and have spent over £10,000 on 2 private IVF cycles. I wouldn't like anyone else to end up where I am so my advice is if you are ready for a family you will find the money.
  • esthomizzy
    esthomizzy Posts: 492 Forumite
    I suspect even if/when you have no debts you will still feel too poor to have a baby the costs on paper are scary. Especially if you buy everything new and up front however you can get lots of good stuff through places like freecycle (things for new babies are too small too quickly to be worn out). If you decide to go for it you'll muddle through, everyone does. If it's something you want then go for it I think.
    MFi3 member 105 - MFW date Oct 2023 - 12 years 9 months more
This discussion has been closed.
Meet your Ambassadors


  • All Categories
  • 343K Banking & Borrowing
  • 250K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
  • 449.6K Spending & Discounts
  • 235K Work, Benefits & Business
  • 607.7K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
  • 173K Life & Family
  • 247.7K Travel & Transport
  • 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
  • 15.9K Discuss & Feedback
  • 15.1K Coronavirus Support Boards