Wait for Babies?

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  • immoral_angeluk
    immoral_angeluk Posts: 24,506 Forumite
    Combo Breaker First Post
    bclark wrote: »
    It seems that there are a number of differing opinions on here regarding how expensive having kids is. Lots of people have been daying that it is cheaper than you would think and others have been saying that it is really expensive!

    Which is it?

    A lot of it depends on how much money you had to start with!
    Total 'Failed Business' Debt £29,043
    Que sera, sera. <3
  • immoral_angeluk
    immoral_angeluk Posts: 24,506 Forumite
    Combo Breaker First Post
    chevalier wrote: »
    Sorry to hijack but IA is this because she has colic? If so there is some stuff called colief. You put it in babies bottle, or give her a drop or two before she starts feeding. It was the only thing that sorte DS2's colic. Once you have got your first bottle, which is expensive, and it works you can get it on prescription
    chev

    It's not colic as there's always a reason but considering my first rarely cried at all it's a bit of a shock to get a baby that does frequently!
    Total 'Failed Business' Debt £29,043
    Que sera, sera. <3
  • Spendless
    Spendless Posts: 24,138 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Post First Anniversary
    bclark wrote: »
    It seems that there are a number of differing opinions on here regarding how expensive having kids is. Lots of people have been daying that it is cheaper than you would think and others have been saying that it is really expensive!

    Which is it?
    It depends what you are taking into account. I was given a lot of baby equipment (cot, bedding, clothes), bought a couple of things 2nd hand (steriliser) and received others as presents (pram, clothes) so that was cheap. The loss in my income was expensive.
  • Snaggles
    Snaggles Posts: 19,503 Forumite
    bclark wrote: »
    It seems that there are a number of differing opinions on here regarding how expensive having kids is. Lots of people have been daying that it is cheaper than you would think and others have been saying that it is really expensive!

    Which is it?
    To be honest, it's as cheap or expensive as you make it. We were skint when we had DS, but we managed, everything we had was either second hand, or the very cheapest version. This time round we're more financially secure, but the baby still wont have designer clothes or hi-tech gadgets. There are far more important things you can give your kids than the latest pram or the fanciest cot. Things like your love, time and attention, that money can't buy. Sorry if that sounds a bit too soppy, but it's true. :)
    "I wasn't wrong, I just wasn't right enough."
    :smileyhea
    9780007258925
  • good luck in your decision of when to have a baby.

    i agree that there is never a right time to have a baby. there is always something that will stop you.

    you will find so many people offer to buy your firts cot,pram etc. you will have way to many baby clothes bought for baby and there are so many good second hand things out there.

    we have 3 boys and we had our first when i was 21(debt free) second at 25(debts creaping in) and 3rd at 27(lots of debts). now at 31 we have hardly any debts but have a complete and happy family.

    i have lots more friends from mums at playgroup and school and we all help each other out with baby bits. i recently gave my stroller to a friend as shes had another baby(number4) we didnt use it much and it was in excellent condition.

    i think someone has mentioned ebay and its well worth a look.

    as for work, its a tough one, you need to be able to pay off your debts while at home with baby otherwise you may end up with more.

    could you work a few evenings a week instead of in the day(i did this to keep the money comming in) that way hubby can have baby and you have no childcare costs.

    good luck
  • Snaggles wrote: »
    To be honest, it's as cheap or expensive as you make it. We were skint when we had DS, but we managed, everything we had was either second hand, or the very cheapest version. This time round we're more financially secure, but the baby still wont have designer clothes or hi-tech gadgets. There are far more important things you can give your kids than the latest pram or the fanciest cot. Things like your love, time and attention, that money can't buy. Sorry if that sounds a bit too soppy, but it's true. :)

    totally agrree. its up to you how expensive it is.

    baby number 1 wasnt to bad as family offered to buy pram,cot,bouncy chair, and what we bought was cheap. you dont need branded names to get good quality.we kept everything and it got used for babies 2 and 3.

    also babies and children thrive on love and attention.
  • I had my first at 32 having got ourselves debt and mortgage free (just, paid off the last of the mortgage the month I found out) but we had been trying for a few months and I would have tried earlier had DH been ready but he is a few years younger than me. I look at DS and sometimes wish I had had him younger so I had a bit more energy as the birth really took it out of me. But then again because we had sorted ourselves out I was able to stay at home without worrying about if I could afford to. I think whether or not you want to work after might be a contributory factor as if you don't then getting rid of the debt becomes more important than if not. But the joy they bring is worth every second and they don't actually cost that much so long as you can live without every cute outfit and every newfangled gadget (does anyone actually need a babywipe warmer?) there is. We were lucky as DH sister gave us loads of the big things like cot, highchair etc and we only had to buy a bouncy chair (cheapest one Mothercare sold as I don't see the point in spending more than you have to), pram (3in1 thing that was on offer at Babies R Us and came with loads of bits, was really good and glad I didn't spend more) and initially that was about it. I bought a few babygros and vests and waited to see what I got given. Hundreds of outfits was the answer and I don't even know that many people. I had enough to clothe him his whole first year and most of his second and I have continued to receive handmedowns from friends so that even though he is only 2 he has a wardrobe to last him until he is 4 bar underwear and a couple of pairs of shorts. Some of his little friends have loads more toys than him but he has plenty and still only plays with a select few, so I have a tidier house than if he had loads and you can pick up loads at bootsales and charity shops anyway. I am still in DFW mode and I don't think I can shake that as I still look for every freebie and good deal going and it is amazing how little you really need. Depending on how much in debt you are you might find it is not a big deal to have one sooner than you had planned (doesn't have to be right now but just not wait until you are totally debtfree) but if you do wait then that will certainly be a wonderful place to start from. There are no right and wrong answers to this one. But rest assured that when you have your babies you will never regret a second you spend with them. I am happy overall that we waited and it didn't take us long to conceive but we haven't tried for number two yet and I am now 35 and thinking I had better get on with it. Listen to your OH and find what is right for you two and don't mind your friend.
  • Hi everyone

    I just wanted to ask your opinions really about having a baby. My soon to be husband and I have put off having a baby until my loan is paid off which will be in another 3 years. I will be about 30/31 then.

    I have just seen one of my friends who is expecting a baby in August and she was surprised to hear I was going to wait until the debt is paid off. She said her and her husband would be waiting forever to pay off all their debts and reckons there is never a right time.

    I told her my view is that if I've got loan to pay, I have to keep working until it's paid off but she thought we would get by anyway.

    Now she has got me thinking that perhaps we should just go ahead and start trying.

    So what do you guys and gals think? Just after some opinions really.

    Thanks xx


    Hello and congratulations on your forthcoming wedding.

    What will you do if something comes up unexpectedly and in 3 years time you have another debt to pay. I personally would say go for it because it's amazing how you can get by and you do have moneysavingexpert.com for tips/advice and ebay for getting baby clothes etc.

    I'm a mum and I love babies so I would be telling you this ....:rolleyes:

    Do you have family that will hand you clothes etc down?

    It sounds to me that you really do want to go ahead with starting a family.

    I earn a little extra cash through ebay and on-line surveys, not much but every little helps ....

    Also, have you looked into what benefits you would be entitled to?

    Hope this helps and lots of luck
    Caz
  • Spendless
    Spendless Posts: 24,138 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Post First Anniversary
    bluebell13 wrote: »
    You may be better to wait until you are more settled, but, give it a year or so and then re-evaluate as fertility does decline with age.
    When did we start telling women of 27 you need to 'get a move on'. :eek: No offence to you bluebell I know it's not quite what you meant.

    I have a theory;) that men start worrying the female population with this 'hurry up, time's running out' as they are within a few years of 30 cos they're scared we're getting all the better jobs otherwise. :D

    AFAIK the official line is fertility decreases at 35, not sure if it goes into slight decline at 30, I'll go google in a minute though I'm still not convinced that for *everyone* their eggs do have a farewell party the day before a womans 35th birthday. :D . In the days before contraception was widely used many women were having kids into their 40s,



    ETA- Found this link, it does mention a gradual decline at 30, with a sharp one at 35. Still stand by my theory about it's men like scaring us looking at the wording used, there's a 50% chance you won't get pregnant in your 40 but it still means there is a 50% chance you will
    http://www.mydr.com.au/default.asp?article=2876

    In the OP question I think the question is more can she afford a baby and her loan, rather than how expensive is a baby going to be. Several members have mentioned what if it takes a long time but you also need to take into account what if it happens in the first month. (like it did for me on each occassion :eek: and I was in my 30s each time too :p ). I'd say whilst it is still the two of you, make steps to pay off your loan ASAP, and start trying when you are within a year of paying it off, so if you do become pregnant straight away, your wages and maternity money will mean you can afford to keep up the repayments.

    Good Luck.
  • Just to give another voice!! Hubby and I got married last August and he's been desperate for kids for ages (he was 31 last month) while I have never before been overly keen (am 29 and very career orientated). Every conversation we usually had around kids ended up with one or other of us getting in a strop and nothing being resolved but just before Xmas we finally sat down and had an adult conversation (had to happen at some point I suppose!! Hehe).

    We are having our 'proper' honeymoon next September, so 2 years after the wedding as we are doing a full on luxury safari and holiday so we needed time to save for it as well as paying for half the wedding. A lot of people also put money towards this as our wedding present. SO, the final decision is to leave it until the safari has been and gone, both of us will be well settled in fairly new jobs for at least 18 months/2 years by then, and also my bank and student loans are all due to finish then so it all goes hand in hand quite nicely. That and the fact that I know I will be much more ready to have kids at that point - and since its highly likely I'll have twins (OMG) I'll need to be prepared!!

    A bit of a long winded way to say go with whatever feels right to you, isn't it!! ;)

    JMxx
    Proud to be dealing with my debts :T DFW Nerd: 241
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