'supporting each other through really tough times'

Popperwell

The dog seemed better behaved then him and was obviously happy, his tail was wagging all the time. I'm guessing the guy was in his late 50's/early 60's.

jem132

Morning sorry people seam unwell its the weather blame that.
Well had a lovely day in the garden got all the greenhouse down made a nice pen for Bella becose she eats plants if she's left in the garden unsupervised lol. Then really randomly some friends came to look what we had done they only live across the street the kids had been playing all day. So we had hot chocolate round the chimner it was nice k had put a status on fb saying at jem132 house drinking coco round the fire.
A friend who does not know k reply didn't invite me. I feel really bad now she is the one iv spoke about our gets all tarted up to sit in doors and expecting you every Fri well I haven't been on a Friday since last year.
I hate bad feeling
I'm off to put my washing out

nuttyp

Morning, im up ready and sorting of rareing to go for a truly mad day at work. We have sun shining in the garden but there are quite a few grey clouds.

DD has requested being picked up at 1pm, so I have instructed her dad he is on the taxi duty.

I popped to @ldi for my mum yesterday to get her a incinerator for her garden. I will be getting the newspaper again at the end of the month for the free £5 voucher. That's when I buy the cleaning stuff etc for the whole month.

Well I must get sorted out, housework needs doing again - I did leave the house clean and tidy yesterday honest!!!!

Have a good day x

savingqueen

Morning everyone.

Lovely and sunny here, really lifted my spirits and feel much cheerier today after a pretty rubbish yesterday tbh. Washing blowing gently on the line and for some reason all decided to have a bath this morn. Actually we all needed a bath! Actually DH still to go. Its more of a faff with hair washing since our shower packed up. Think we have enough (hope so) to get our bathroom done soon. Waited over 10 years so far and counting. Will be lovely to have another big job done but then our savings will be gone (hopefully a little emergency pot left ) and will need to start saving for the next job. Onward and upwards anyway. There is a lot of things I can do cleaning, decluttering and simple painting wise anyway to improve the house, just need to energy to do it!

Taking boys to their weekly (and only) activity in half an hour, their dance class then after lunch DH is taking them in to town for a wander. I will use that time to do a bit more decluttering and mop the floors. Need to do a food shop for next week so might go this evening when its quieter.

Hope everyone has a good day whatever you're up to.

Forgot to say thanks kidcat - your messages of support mean so much to me.

sq:)

boultdj

It's soooo nice to have dry,sunny day, washing's been on the line outside since 9, I'v hoovered up, made butter using whoppsied cream, done cherry scone's to use the butter milk up and sorted out where to go to get chain saw fixed,...............and lovely neighbour has bought round 1/2 dozen new laid egg's

monnagran

Hi.

Having a lovely visit from my DB and SIL but they have gone off to look round Osborne House so I am catching up a bit.

Fuddle: You look after yourself pet. Tonsillitis is horrible and makes you feel really tired afterwards, so take it as easy as you can. Lots of rest and hot drinks.

SQ. Could you not regard your family as a divorced OH and allow them access to the grandchildren for certain periods of time at specified (by you) places. With the understanding that any emotional blackmail or dubious conversations reported by the children will mean that access is immediately stopped. Then you are in control, the children still see their grandparents under your conditions and they cannot say that you are denying them a relationship with their grandchildren. They will say that of course but will find it difficult to prove if you have allowed them access - if they behave themselves. Just a suggestion. Personally I would behave as if the family just didn't exist, but that is easier said than done, isn't it? I think you have been a saint so far.

I decided to give my bathroom a spruce up before DB arrived. We never use it as we have a much better shower room, and where it's not quite level the water collects in the bottom of the bath and it is quite lime encrusted in places. I squirted some limescale removing stuff all over the bottom of the bath and left it for a while, went back and rinsed it off. It was partially successful. The limescale disappeared and so did the colour where the stuff had landed. We now have a turquoise bath with pale grey puddle and splash marks all over it! I then read the directions on the bottle. "Do not use on coloured bathroom suites." A-hem! What do I do now?

x

kidcat

Monnagran what type of bath it is? I think you can get them repainted if they are a certain type, alternatively I would be tempted to do the whole bath with the cleaner and make it all the same colour

savingqueen

thanks monnagran for your suggestion. I have considered it and am 50/50 about it but DH is so annoyed with my parents and sister, he will not allow the boys to go. As I am in 2 minds myself I haven't done anything further but said to DH we need to discuss again later when the time feels right.

long post follows.... in case you want to skip

I looked at facebook (only use it to check out friends/family photos on there and never put anything on there myself - partly because certain family members are on there too) - and saw my sister's holiday photos - she is away for 1.5 weeks at the moment. I am feeling pretty angry. My dad has gone on in the letter about how financially difficult things are for her and her partner and that's why they invited my sister to move back to theirs rent free. My sister and OH have 2 wages to support them both, dependents all grown up and left home. We have 4 of us on an average wage in SE with high commuting costs, mortgage etc and have never been able to afford a whole week's holiday with our children unless it has been staying with friends or family. My sister and partner have had several short breaks over the last year, a week abroad for my sister's 40th birthday last summer and away again now. They have no idea how we penny pinch, they would get a shock. I don't want anyone's sympathy or money, just to be treated with a degree of understanding and respect.

Over to DH's family. Just checked emails and DH's sister has jumped to MIL and FIL's defence over our estrangement. The heartful and honest email DH sent to his mum is obviously now doing the rounds. SIL and her grown up children have had a generally decent relationship with their mum which we are honestly glad for them. However DH hasn't had the same at all and again it feels like no-one is on our side. SIL has also said that we would be denying our children the same wonderful relationship that her children have enjoyed with MIL.

I spoke to DH's stepbrother recently though and he feels exactly the same as we do. The in-laws have also experienced friends changing their phone number and not telling them, putting the phone down on them and even telling them to their face they longer want to be friends. I know it can't be us just being difficult. We wouldn't allow in-laws access to the kids as they both drink and drive and alcoholics to start with. MIL is a psychotherapist which never fails to amaze me!

I am feeling totally awful. I know its not our fault but it still feels wrong to not see your own parents. DH and I have both been honest, well brutally honest which I know isn't easy to hear but we either get treated with respect or we don't have a relationship. Just wished we hadn't waited half a lifetime to get to this point. Guess all we can do is stick to what we know is right and give our families a chance if they want to change. If not we don't have much or any contact with them.

ok enough is enough. Need to shake this off. My boys are out and I planned to get busy with the mop so off I go.

kidcat

SQ- you can only do what you think is best for all of you a s a family - whatever that may be.
We cut ties with OH family many years ago after they made lots of unfounded allegations and were generally awful. I would not allow them to see the kids as I do not consider them to be a good influence or the type of people I want my children to have any contact with.

I also know that if we cut ties with my parents they would use the kids to get at me if I let them spend time with them too - so again if I cut the ties I wouldnt allow them near the kids either. The stress would be awful and as bad as keeping in contact with them.

I am hopeful that given some time and space I can put our relationship onto a footing that I can handle, whereby they can call in and say hi etc and that eventually we can even do a meal together without it being awkward.

But if you are not coping with the stress now SQ then maybe you should just take a break from them all - delete them from FB so you cant see what they are doing and just take some time.
You may find the you miss them - but you may also find that you feel so much better you never want to go back at all.

bluebag

SQ,

Just remember that because you are related to people you don't have to like them. That's what they mean by 'you can't choose your family'.

Sometimes you have to do what's right for your sanity, you have to put you first and that isn't always easy.