'supporting each other through really tough times'

SDG31000

Hugs are always welcome Thank you mcculloch29 and CRANKY40.
I know that my mom loves me and my sister definitly does, but it's a case of out of sight, out of mind with them. I do have incredible parent's in law and I love them to bits. I really lucked out when I married into the family.
MY DH puts up with an awful lot with regards to the baggage my family has left me with and my ranting about the latest stuff. I have tried Counselling, but that was years ago. I can get 8 sessions on the NHS, which is enough to bring all my problems to the surface, but not enough to fix anything.
Oh well, I have Reece's Pieces and i might even have a glass of wine later.

kidcat I'm not sure if it would be over simplified, but could you compare a person to a jigsaw puzzle. That all the pieces add up to a whole image.

[Deleted User]

I have a poorly lurcher this evening, I don't know what he has done to himself but the poor old lad is uncomfortable and unhappy. He had a couple of good runs with a few of his pals this morning and I wonder if he has pulled something. If he is still uncomfortable tomorrow we shall have to visit the vetty person for some anti inflammatories for him. He has a sad little face anyway but at the moment he looks really sad!!!!! Poor Docky Dog!

bluebag

Virtual support to those having family problems. I think we all have them to some degree or another, from the always drunk at weddings uncle to the jealous sister in law.

Families move in certain ways, like a dance. They know all the moves and each knows their place in the masque.

Sometimes the dance is destructive and toxic, bit still the same dancers dance the same steps. It's familiar and they don't know any other dance.

If you try to change the dance you disrupt the steps, confuse the dancers and they get angry at you. You know the dance is toxic and try to stop it, but it's the only dance they trust, so it goes on.

The only way to avoid the destruction and toxicity is to stay out of the dance, you can watch, you can tap your feet to the music, you can feel for the dancers, but if you enter the dance you enter the destructive and toxic masque, best to sit it out.

RosiePuddingPaws

So much sadness and strength coming out on the thread today. It is just a shame that so many people have experienced difficult family situations. Hugs to anyone that wants/needs one.

Also, get well soon Docky. Hopefully a trip to the v-e-t won't be necessary and everything will feel easier in the morning.

RPP

Softstuff

Well done for being so brave Monnagran. It might not be the only time you say it, but you know the script now so you can stick with it.

*hugs* to all of those with family.... I was going to say issues, but somehow that doesn't quite cover it. Savingqueen, you should send a mothers day card, a blank card filled with all of the stuff in your post and how you feel. They're probably blind and oblivious.

And SDG have an extra *hug*.

grandma247

(((((((hugs))))))) to all who need them.

I have not seen my father for decades and my mother only a handful of times. I can say that the pain does ease as the years go by.

The only times when I have been in real emotional pain wanting my mum was when my babies were born. She has never known them although she has met some of them over the years. My oldest wants me to set up a meeting with her soon as he remembers her and wants to see her before she dies (not imminent but she is in her 70's).

It is too late for recriminations now and I have felt better just shutting things up in the back of my mind after telling myself none of it was my fault. It works very well for me as I have built up other support systems and my children are lovely caring people and those that are parents are good parents.

You can let it eat away at you or you can get on with your life and be happy with those you love.

ginnyknit

I think we have heard from an awful lot of resilient people here today who despite all the lousy things their families have done they have turned out wonderful, caring and compassionate people. I know this as you have all been generous with their kindness to me and many others who happen upon this thread.

Im sat here and all I can smell is pork cooking - Mr S sent a lovely delivery man who grows his own veg and is hoping to actually have some to eat this year after a disastrous time last year. Oh was very chuffed when he saw cornish ice cream in one of the bags as he has had a very bad day today and is feeling very low as we hoped to get out for a while, but I told him tomorrow is another day. I officially have no shopping to do for 2 weeks at least and then will probably only need to top up the milk. :j

kidcat

Ginny what a good feeling that must be.

I have yet more family stuff - my cousins have decided to attend both my kids parties- I invited them back when we were all at the hospital, I cant say that after all that has gone on I expected them to attend though. Havent told OH, he will be very unhappy, but I am going to deal with it another day:)

Today DS14 has suffered dreadfully and as a result our poor demented kitty has too- DS keeps hugging the kitty, who doesnt like it, then DS will complain because kitty has managed to escape - and hide!
We had a really bad meeting at school yesterday and its really hit home that this isnt going to go away, he is unlikely to ever return to school - they have recommended requesting a doctors note to say he cant return. And it wasnt school saying it, it was his support workers an the ASD specialists, I think I had it in my head that he would be able to go back to school but they say he just wont ever be able to cope.

As a result and following todays kitty torments I actually sat down and have done his DLA claim form - well almost, its online and the service went down for the last two pages but I can finish it tomorrow.
If he can get his claim done we will get him a cat that is ok with being cuddled, placid, laid back, empathetic and with super soft fur. I will obviously buy super cat!! I will insure to make sure we can afford it and he will at least have his method of calming and stressing back.

OH will be not a happy husband but its clear that DS is not coping without his sensory cat and he needs it so much. He tried sitting stroking my arm before but it didnt feel "right".

Have load of party stuff still to do but a whole day tomorrow to do it - no meetings at all. I have told everyone I am having a day off and wil ignore any crises from the variety of groups etc that are bound to arise

VJsmum

Oh Kidcat - you have so much to put up with that my heart goes out to you. And anyone else who is in emotional or physical pain.

A friend has an autistic 14 year old son too and he is having huge problems at school. If something happens that he can't deal with he will throw a chair - last week he lent (is that the right word? It doesn't look right) someone a pencil and when it didn't come back fast enough for him, he threw his chair at said pupil - narrowly missing his head :eek: School are at their wits end trying to work out how to deal with him, and mum is at her wits end with school. Such a tricky situation.

I feel for people with family issues. My mum fell out with her family for a long time due to something that happened when she married my step dad. It is only when mum was desperately ill with arthritis and had 3 small children under 5 that the family took the first step in hatchet burying - and dad (step dad) knew he had to eat some humble pie too. My real dad left us when I was 5 and I didn't see him much at all after that. He died when I was 20 and I felt so guilty. It took a long time for me to realise that it wasn't my fault I didn't see him - that I was the child. On the whole, though, I now realise that I was relatively lucky with the family as I grew up. We were somewhat dysfunctional at times but nothing like someof the stories I have read here. Mum at least was always there for us.

I have a working at home day - I was going to use it to claim back some "time owing" but I seem to have actually aquired some work to do.:mad::D I am hoping to do a little garden planning and maybe start some seeds off though.

Have a good day all.

Pooky

Such heartbreaking family stories. I've been lucky enough to have a very loving and stable childhood/adulthood. My parents are fab and have always been there for me and my sister. My parents were very hard up when we were little and we ended up moving in with grandparents (they had a huge house). Having parents and grandparents around 24/7 was amazing. We didn't have money but there was always someone to read to me, help me with my spellings, kick about in the garden, bake, sew etc.

My parents took the chance to move around 40 miles away when they retired, they have an active social life, someone's always popping in for coffee and they're always keen to have DDs to stay. So I don't see them as much as I'd like to now but we do enjoy the time we spend together.

That's not meant to sound crass or to brag but just makes me reliase just how lucky I've been in my little bubble.

VJs - how'd your DDs first date go?

Kidkat - does it have to be a cat for DS? Would the responsibility of walking a dog be of any benefit to him? My friends DS is autistic, he's 14 now too and the regemine of dog walking is fab for his routines, his determination and perseverance in the dogs training has been amazing too.