'supporting each other through really tough times'

sevenup01

Peanut2013 wrote: »

Awwwwww teeny baby! So cute is this your first neice / nephew?

My SIL is due in July with my first nephew / neice and I can't wait! My ex had neices for the 7 years we were together and I loved being an auntie, very excited

Hehehe! I just had to add them all up. This baby is number 19 of my nieces and nephews! And i have a LOT more cousins!

Enjoy your new niece/nephew when they arrive. They are only little for a very short time.

monnagran

Thank you all so much for your help yesterday. Everything looks brighter in the sunshine today.
Just as an update, and then we'll talk about something else - said son rang me this morning and told me that the council have put them in a b&b until a house becomes available. I delivered my ultimatum - no phone calls, no turning up at the house unless invited, no more hand outs, no involvement on my part in any of his disasters but that I would always love him. He received this very quietly, said that he knew that I was justified in feeling this way and said that the only way I would know if he needed me in future would be if someone else informed me that he was in hospital.
So far so good.

On a more fragrant note - ahhhh! new babies, aren't they delicious?
Enjoy. Sevenup.

Out with that roller nuttyp.

cheapskate: I forgot to say a special thank you yesterday. You've obviously been there and have been much stronger than me. Why is it that I feel guilty and embarrassed? I find it hard to admit that there is anything wrong with any of my beloved family - feel that I must somehow be to blame. How ridiculous!

Onward and upward. The shower room is half cleaned so might as well finish what I started. Now that's a novel idea.

x

[Deleted User]

Well done MONNAGRAN it takes a whole heap of resolve and moral courage to actually say that out loud, doesn't it? The first step in sorting out a problem is always the hardest and you are a kind and sensible lady, so don't feel guilty you have probably just been the making of him, the fact that you are Mum saying it will make him realise just how disruptive he's been in the past, and you have to call a halt some time.

FUDDLE hello pet, hope that the interview went well for you this morning, give us your news when you can, I hope the job is what you wanted, Cheers Lyn xxx.

Cheapskate

monnagran wrote: »

Thank you all so much for your help yesterday. Everything looks brighter in the sunshine today.
Just as an update, and then we'll talk about something else - said son rang me this morning and told me that the council have put them in a b&b until a house becomes available. I delivered my ultimatum - no phone calls, no turning up at the house unless invited, no more hand outs, no involvement on my part in any of his disasters but that I would always love him. He received this very quietly, said that he knew that I was justified in feeling this way and said that the only way I would know if he needed me in future would be if someone else informed me that he was in hospital.
So far so good.

On a more fragrant note - ahhhh! new babies, aren't they delicious?
Enjoy. Sevenup.

Out with that roller nuttyp.

cheapskate: I forgot to say a special thank you yesterday. You've obviously been there and have been much stronger than me. Why is it that I feel guilty and embarrassed? I find it hard to admit that there is anything wrong with any of my beloved family - feel that I must somehow be to blame. How ridiculous!

Onward and upward. The shower room is half cleaned so might as well finish what I started. Now that's a novel idea.

x

Been there and got the t-shirt (several times! ) but can't say I'm stronger than you. It took me over a decade to realise I'm not to blame - all our kids have had the same, decent upbringing (bar a few hiccups), so why have the eldest 2 chosen to walk a different path re attitudes etc? I've had to shut off my mind to so much recently - they ARE adults, and if they don't "get" what we've been telling them so long (26 and 24) they never will! It's not ridiculous to feel guilty, even though I know it's not my fault now, I still feel like that sometimes. Both sides of the family keep telling me to keep up the tough love thing, and that the kids will eventually thank us. Not holding my breath! :rotfl::rotfl: MRSLW's right, well done for taking him to task. :j

A xo

nuttyp

Hi everyone, had really good intentions to start the bathroom and then i decided to sort the conservatory out. Did 2 loads of washing and line dried it. Made the decision to list the table and chairs on auction site. They havent been used for ages now, so that will free up some space. Found on my tidy up a lloydd loom style storage, so thats gone on too. Just need to decide what else can go.

Tea is all cooked, toad in the hole. Just plated up and have loads of extra veg so that can be made into a bubble n squeek type stuff.

Fuddle how did the interview go?????

Take care everyone x

monnagran

Sorry Fuddle. I've been so wrapped up in my own affairs that I completely overlooked your interview. I do hope that all went well,flower. Even if it didn't, you know that your special place is out there somewhere, just waiting for you to find it. Hopefully, this morning you did find it. Lots of love anyway.

Never mind about the bathroom nuttyp Just think what else you have accomplished. I think Lloyd Loomy stuff is very sought after now. I can remember when you couldn't give it away and I personally helped put several pieces on the bonfire! (Slinks away in shame.)

savingqueen

Monnagran - hope you are feeling ok? I admire you for speaking to your son, it took a lot of guts and strength to do it. You are only being honest about what you can cope with and then acting accordingly.

The posts about your situation have really made me think. I have been having a pretty awful day - emotionally. Mother's Day is coming up and I have decided not to send a card/gift this year for the first time ever. I know my mum will feel hurt and my sister will use it as an emotional stick to beat me with. However it ain't that simple! I am feeling so hurt this last year about the latest actions of my mum and sister and it just doesn't feel right to say what a wonderful mum she is - she hasn't been this year at all - so it would be a big lie. Many things I am, a liar and hypocrite I am not.

I am beginning to realise that me opening up to my mum before Christmas, being honest and telling her how hurt I feel won't get me anywhere with her. Anytime I have opened up emotionally, my family (not DH) just shut me off. I have had a complete lightbulb moment. They are never going to change and I have to either accept them as they are (though they do not do the same for me) or cut ties. Its incredibly difficult and I never imagined for a second this would happen.

My parents have supported my sister her whole life, made it their life to make her's easier. Mum says she doesn't worry about me as she knows I can cope. I have had to from being a young child because they did not offer me the emotional support I needed. We were offered family therapy when I was a kid and my parents refused to go.

My mum (and dad) let my sister and her son live under their roof (sister was a single parent) until my nephew was 18 and sister in late 30s. My sister barely had to contribute financially or practically to running of their household. She had free childcare whenever she wanted to go and paint the town red (which she did frequently). They/I bailed her out of numerous scrapes as an adult and mother. My sister has always suited herself and chosen the easiest way for her regardless of anyone else.

When my parents moved further away, nephew moved in with his dad and my sister moved to her new partner's area and they set up home together. Fastforward 3 years amd my sister has had enough having to contribute to running of flat with her partner - she had to do housework, shopping and get a low paid part-time job at age of 37. She decided (on my parents' invitation) to hotfoot it "back home" to parents so she could live in comfort again. Her partner makes the 4 hour journey from his home town where they lived to my parents to see her.

All this wouldn't matter to me too much apart from the fact that when our parents moved further from us (few hours drive) they promised there would be room for us all to stay. My sister taking over the main guest room has put paid to all that as there isn't enough room for all of us to stay. I have tried a vist sharing a room/double bed with my sister (and leaving DH at home as not enough room) and she made me as unwelcome as possible. No way can I repeat that.

My parents, mum especially devoted 18 years to helping my sister raise her son (I know single parenthood isn't easy but my sister had a lot of support from myself and friends as well as parents and lived a very easy life). Now we have a young family and no-one else to help, we are just left to get on with it. They won't visit us but expect us to stay at theirs with no room. I have suggested all sorts of solutions like sister and partner using our house in school hols so we can visit mum and dad but nothing suits them. Everything is my fault. I give up really but still feel guilty and very sad, like I am grieving.

sorry for rant, I am at bursting point today. Probably shouldn't press send but will be brave and send it.

Better go and forget about it and make dinner
sq:)

RAS

savingqueen

That is a very brave post. You are absolutely right to look after yourselves (you do not have a right lot of choice do you?)

And allow yourself to grieve because you have actually lost your hope of having supportive parents and grandparents.

BIG Hugs.

The_Dragon

SQ the only time my parents realised how much they had but me adrift and pandered to my sister was when she died 8 years ago! Now her daughter is trying to cut me out as well - ah well I have the wonderful Dr Dragon (and we are going to the pub on Thursday night as I will be turning 48

BitterAndTwisted

Savingqueen. Savingqueen. What a heavy burden you are carrying. But you know what? Although your treatment has been different and it's justified to feel a bit like a second-class citizen, your parents seem to have managed to infantilise your sister. That makes all three of them deserving of pity. How would you hate to be the person your sister is? She sounds completely useless and that's just the way your Mum wants it. Think about how your sister's life will be as an old lady once your parents have gone. Selfish. Incompetent. Useless. You wouldn't want to be her, would you? No-one would.