'supporting each other through really tough times'

mcculloch29

Great advice already for Monnagran - Toughies are fantastic lateral thinkers. I can't add much more - but I do wonder why he should have to move. Surely as the (literally) injured party, he should have the right to stay in his home. The Council has a responsibility to ensure the safety of its tenants and he shouldn't have to move.
Of course, this incident could have given him the excuse he was looking for.... Hmm.

Softstuff

Fuddle, you'll be great as a carer, don't get worried about it. I temporarily worked in a care home, had no prior experience, and found that the most important thing was to be a caring, practical person and get on with things. You do that every day as it stands!

Monnagran, tell him no. It's not uncaring, it's self preservation. He needs to stand on his own two feet and you don't need the drama. Even if it causes ructions now, long term it'll be easier.

I have to dash, off to have hubby inspected top to bottom by a skin cancer specialist (they found 2 melanomas on his dad last week, we're getting hubby professionally checked annually now, especially since he already had something serious removed).

Much love to all!

mcculloch29

Just to add:-
The offer of free courses (click on 'Courses on that link) from my employer that I posted here and on a couple of other threads had quite a take up, which was really pleasing.

If you haven't responded yet and would like to, please do pmm me. If you include your email addy in your pmm, I can email you out an enrolment form and course flyer straight away.

Rowan9

Monnagran - wanted to post a big (((hug))). My thoughts are to breathe and just wait. Do nothing immediately. I might well be empty talk on your DS's part and that it won't happen. Sometimes it's good to act (and the advice here is great) and sometimes we also need to just Be.
Hoping all works out very well.
W x

stiltwalker

Monna - just to echo what others have said, why should your DS move when he is the injured party - he needs to kick up a stink and stay put! Please don't feel guilty for your thoughts - I love my little bro to bits but find it far harder to say the same about SIL, happily they are down there with you and I get to really enjoy seeing bro when he comes up and stay out of the drama the rest of the time. I think things like this are more common than you would think, pobably because many of us were brought up on the motto - if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.

Hugs all X

monnagran

Gosh! You lot are wonderful. I'm feeling a bit better already. When the news came it sorted of winded me for a while.
Thank you for your helpful suggestions.

Elona: your idea is very attractive but unfortunately DS1 is basically a very kind person and if he thought I needed his help wild horses wouldn't stop him settling here, and he would drive me mad.

Mrs LW: I've already tried the argument about having the neighbours from hell moved on but tomorrow one of them is in court for going back to the place they have just come from and beating up the person who dared to press charges. Apparently, once you have crossed them you've had it! Also one of DS1's neighbours came to try to help him and got his house trashed for his pains. He tried to oust the troublemakers and now the police are charging him with affray. You couldn't make it up. DS has already told the police that this man was only trying to help him, but they went ahead anyway.

Possession: You have hit the nail on the head. I can't have him upsetting the Rev and her work.

wmf: I wish it was empty talk but they are already over here. When DS1 got out of the hospital he decided that it was too dangerous for his wife and her 2 sons (aged 10 and 8) to stay there and they came over here straight away to stay with his wife's father, (sod's law that both her parents live over here, not that they have ever been much help before). I don't know why the police have done nothing useful yet but I suppose they have their reasons.

Ah well. It'll all look better in the morning, it usually does.

Thank you again for your support. You are life-savers.

x

v8monkeyboy

Monnagran,

Don't feel guilty, and if you have to say no, then say no. My parents had the same problems with my two half brothers and that was the reason we moved to the UK from Denmark when I was 7.


They have always told them they love them and will help them, but that they were old enough to sort out their own lives.


You must look after yourself and live your life as you see fit, because if you don't it can be a miserable experience. My PIL never say anything and it's affected my FIL to the stage where he has panic attacks when he has to socialise.

ginnyknit

OOh Monnagran, don't envy you at all in this situation, I do hope things resolve themselves and your peace and quiet returns. Bless you with all you do for others you dont need the worry or the close proximity.

Fuddle you are made for the job, you are such a caring person you will be perfect. Now sleep and leave the worrying for another day, its about time things went right for you and getting stressed will do you no good at all - listen to Aunty Ginny, she has made it through all kinds of poop and is still standing

I popped in Mr T for ibuprofen today and saw whilst, checking out the ys's, some complete Christmas cake kits for £2.50. I picked one up and all the way to the till was deliberating whether it really was a bargain, too late it went through, Oh well... reduced to £1 :j:j Happy Ginny.

meanmarie

Nuttyp...glad you've had a good birthday.

Stiltwalker....lovely brooches, good luck with sales.

Fuddle...good luck with agency....I'm sure that you are well more than capable.

Knickers!.....more than a hundred years ago, when I was young, part of a test I had to do was to make a pattern for Directoire knickers, which look very like the ones pictured...have had a good laugh at all the comments.

Monnagram....you cannot allow yourself to be dragged into your son's problems...if I remember correctly he is 40+, so IMHO your attitude from Day 1 has to be that while you love him and always will, there is nothing you can do to help, as you have a very busy life already and are not getting any younger, stress is not good for you and you cannot offer any financial help. You need to give yourself permission to not be available when he comes to you...hide under the stairs if necessary and don't answer the phone....get caller ID if you don't already have it. You presumably did your best for your boys when they were children, so time to say "enough is enough".

Sorry if that makes me sound like a grumpy old biddy ( which I am I suppose) but you are responsible for you and nobody else.

Hugs to all, stay warm and safe

Marie

kidcat

Stiltwalker have you made brooches? am sorry I must have missed that bit. good luck with your sales