'supporting each other through really tough times'

The_Dragon

Hmm SQ be very careful that she doesn't try to get you to look after her and pander to her when your parents are unable to :eek:

ginnyknit

SQ Im glad you felt you could share this with us. The tough times are not just about money and trying to deal with deep emotions as well as make it through these difficult financial times is just too much somedays.

Monnagran, well done for voicing your opinions to your son. It odes help doesnt it. My problem always used to be my Mum but as she got older she began to see me differently and depend on me for help but not in a 'rush down and sort this out' way. We now have a better relationship than ever and I know I am lucky. For years when we visited I used to cry all the way home but no longer. We now work together to help each other and enjoy what time we have - she is 83 on Thursday and is beginning to feel old :rotfl:

OH is having one of his sleepy days but it meant I could get on with things so I dont mind. LL sent the decorator to sort out the damp and mould in the bathroom and he was really nice. We had a laugh about the tiny new bath they put in, I said I have to lie with my feet up the wall to wash my hair - he said I would love to see that, then realised how cheeky it sounded and we decided it was time for him to get painting :rotfl:

monnagran

SQ. You poor dear. Your situation is so much worse than mine. You had a right to expect your parents to support you as well as your sister but it seems that they have subscribed to the old 'divide and rule' system of parenting.
B&T is right. You would not want to be a useless waste of space as your sister is. You have too much pride for that. But I wonder what will happen when your parents cannot look after her and need someone to look after them. I can't somehow see your sister dropping into the role of carer. If I were you I would be tempted to move and not leave a forwarding address before that happens.
The Dragon is right as well. Don't be suckered in to taking your parents' place when they can't look after her any more.

Goodness me. Are we all growing a backbone on here?

x

nuttyp

savingqueen, what a situation..... OH parents are exactly the same. his dad will not acknowledge me or our children as he blames my husband fur ruining his life by being born. He claims he was trapped, so why go on to have 3 more kids then???? For mothers days i have got her a card, it is blank on the inside, so he will just sign it. He will probably just drop that off, knowing they will be out visiting one of his brothers.

He decided a good few years ago to be like you are, now i say we have a card but ive just noticed the birthday card is still on the kitchen side, so maybe he wont be going.

As the saying goes you can pick your friends but you cant pick your family......Never a more true saying.

SDG31000

Hello everyone

I hope the interview went well fuddle but I'm sure it did

monnagran Have a huge hug from me (((((((((hugs)))))))))))

stiltwalker those brooches are gorgeous :T

savingqueen I can fully relate to how you feel. (((((((hugs)))))))

I'm quite a thoughtful SDG at the moment. It started with the comments about how people were with their siblings when they were growing up. It made me question what I went through and I still think that it wasn't normal and it was abuse at the hands of my brother. It took me a long time to stop hating him, but that's only because of the pain it was causing me. (Basically my wonderful Dad died when I was 11 and from that time my mom considered me a grown up and my brother decided to use me as a punch bag, physically, mentally and emotionally. Social Services were involved and mom was told that he was doing it because he enjoyed it and got away with it. Meanwhile I suffered for 8 years, wasn't allowed to properly grieve for my Dad, and as my DMIL put it, I was the family scapegoat. It was decided that I was the strong one and able to cope and deal with everyone's problems. As you can imagine that left me pretty screwed up in a lot of ways)
My DSis is 9 years younger than me and doesn't really remember a lot of went on. I told her a few things for the first time last week and shocked her a lot. She changed the subject and nothing has been said since. That's par for the course as as far as my family is concerned it never happened and why am I upset. I get left out of a lot of things, ignored a lot of the time and left feeling on the outside looking in. I'm not sure I will ever get used to it.

On a lighter note the freezer I keep trying defrost is now full again after I discovered an ethnic shop with a butchers in store and got 5lb lamb mince for £8.50 and 5lb of huge chicken breasts for £8.25. I could have brought a whole lamb for £3.49/kg. Add in the huge piece of pork I got in Morrisons for £2.50/kg and the freezer is packed. I've got a big dish of pulled pork that I need to portion up and squeeze in there as well as we have used some on pizza for dinner.

Tomorrow I'm baking cakes for a lovely lady at the charity shop who lives in sheltered/supported housing. They are having a coffee morning to raise money for Alzheimer's Research. I'll make a couple of tray bakes and keep some to keep the family happy. I've been craving jam sponge with coconut on top so suspect that will be made.

Time to go and see if the pizza dough is rising and to rescue the laundry from the rotary line.

Take care everyone (((((((((((hugs))))))))))))

mcculloch29

Wow... Well done Monnagran and jeez, SQ. What doesn't break you, makes you, and it certainly has in your case.

I'm often quite grateful my ex was so useless and then left, as I developed all sorts of skills and a far better career than I would have done if he had been competent and stayed.

I gave my son some tough love a while ago and it definitely worked, life is a lot more pleasant recently. He is so short tempered as a person, but only with me, really.
I know it's better for him to let it out than let it fester, and that he is short with me because he feels safe, but I've made it clear that I expect a certain level of civility.

Edit Hugs SDG... Thank God for siblings who do love each other. There are some and I'm sorry you were so badly abused and mistreated. You do seem to have the support of your DMiL. Something to be grateful for.

CRANKY40

My mum was terrible and favoured my sister over me. In later years conversations with my sister have shown that this wasn't actually the fabulous position I believed it to be at the time. At least I KNOW who my father was, my sister's 14th birthday announcement from my mum was to be told mum wasn't sure if it was our dad or my mother's boyfriend (who was the husband of my mum's best friend!) who was my sister's father. Luckily my sister and I are great pals despite the parenting mishaps.

Monnagran having lived in a very rough area and knowing myself some strange people my thoughts are that you are better suffering him than having to arrange his funeral. You will probably have to say again what you have said to him, but keep at it. Close and annoying is better than the alternative.

Fuddle you will be a fabulous carer because you care if you do a good job.

SDG I feel for you. A ((hug)) from a stranger may not mean that much, but have one regardless.

SQ I may well get slated for the next one but it was said to me when I was bewildered after my husband's early death leaving my 4 year old son with just me. My inlaws weren't (and still aren't) interested in him. One of my good friends said to me "When they're sitting in their nursing home stinking of wee and with no visitors they'll wish they had bothered more with the people that would care about them".

Faulty Towers is now officially for sale. I spent several days dealing with the practicalities of this (estate agents etc) and then had a one day trauma when the impact of what I'd done hit home. I'm still a bit wobbly, but it's the right thing to do. Fingers crossed someone else sees the potential and buys it.

kidcat

Cranky ((hugs)) and well done, sometimes we have to let go of the past in order to make sense of the future.

Am trying to explain to DS14 that all the little things in life add up to make you the person you are in the future. Am failing miserably at the moment - its too big a concept for an autistic child

[Deleted User]

I am so humbled by your sharing this evening, and while my heart is sad for all of you and what you have had to deal with and are still dealing with in your lives, it is also singing for all of you, your courage, your strength, the way you are fighting for your families and siblings, your depth of character in trying to change situations with parents and children, how amazing you all are, wonderful people, wonderful human beings, strong family protectors and superb role models. You put goodness into this world like a beacon, you are all fantastic, Lyn xxx.

sevenup01

Savingqueen (((hugs))) families really know how to push our buttons and it hurts!

Cranky poor you and your sister! What a 14th birthday present to give to someone. I have no idea what your parents were thinking (or not thinking in this case!) I hope the house sells easily with no dramas.

Kidcat i think its difficult to understand for many adults let alone an autistic child. He will understand when he is ready and will have absorbed some of what you told him anyway.