'supporting each other through really tough times'

VJsmum

GreyQueen wrote: »

(((nuttyp))) so glad that the row with your DD and fiance has blown over and hope that this has been a wakeup call for them. Sometimes I ask my folks to get something for me as they have a car and its bulky (tinned food/ potting compost) and bring it when they come next time. When I go to pay for it, they're often, Oh you can have that on us but I insist on paying for it, they've done me a big favour by getting it for me, I can afford it or I wouldn't have asked for it.

It's a bit like that with the MiL - she likes to shop (or did) so I could ask her to look for a specific thing and she had time to do it. Say a white cardi for DD when she was little. I would always insist on paying what I'd asked her to get otherwise I couldn't ask again but if she chose to buy DD a present, well that was up to her.

I am proud that I never asked for any money off my parents, I went to Uni on a full grant and so didn't need anything from them. I knew money was tight and never expected it. At one time, I was really on my uppers - lived in a bedsit, had just started my first proper job but had to wait a month to be paid, got a bar job to pay my rent but had no money for food and barely a shilling to feed the meter. I was at the point of having to ask them, but did a couple of stag do's in the pub and the tips were just enough to keep me fed until first wage came in. :T Mum and dad never knew and would have been mortified if they had, but these things do make you stronger.

We are in a different position with our own kids and they don't really know how lucky they are. They don't get everything they want, by any means, but they don't really go without. DD is off to uni next year and, for the first time, will have to budget, I'm not sure how she's going to cope. OH doesn't know what it's like to go without, but is sympathetic to my past and knows it upsets me when the kids (and him) treat money so freely sometimes. However, my kids also know that the minute they "expect" is when the well will run dry.

Mrs LW - thank you for your kind words. Unfortunately because it's our own caravan we are staying in and she is rather unreliable in terms of using it, I can't just let her get on with it and will have to do everything. hopefully I am just being nasty and it will all be fine - I have my doubts though.

monnagran

GQ: I am impressed that your eyes have been checked. Mine have always been blue.

Fuddle and Kezlou: If you two are starting a vintage tea shop I'm moving up there. I want to make cup cakes and scones with cream and strawberry jam and dainty little crusts-cut-off sandwiches. I'll even waitress for you if you like. I can provide my own frilly apron and I'm as vintage as you'll get. Visualise a fat Mrs Overall from Acorn Antiques. We'll be a sensation.

Bunbun: Welcome. Are you sure you're ready for this?

Sorry I've been missing for a while but life is unbelievable at the moment.

Last week one of our regulars at the Drop-in was found dead on a park bench. Just one of the homeless drifters that our esteemed council says does not exist. Well now that one doesn't and I am consumed with grief and rage and a bit of guilt in case there is something more I could have done for him.

Then my DS1 rang to tell me that he was taking his useless wife to hospital for an abortion. I didn't like to ask whose baby it was. It certainly wasn't his as he had a vasectomy 7 years ago, as demanded of his then wife just a couple of months before she left him. I think he must have 'sucker' engraved on his forehead. Anyway, I wasn't surprised this time as I think I have expressed my opinion of his second wife before. This is the third time this has happened and every time DS1 clears up the mess and goes back to her, mainly for the sake of her two young sons who he has brought up since they were 3 and 1 years old.
However, she has gone too far this time and in spite of the fact that he ferried her to and from the hospital, brought her home put her to bed and looked after her and the boys, she saw fit to to have a screaming attack on him yesterday. He phoned me in the middle of it and I heard it all. He gathered up some clothes and his personal papers and took off in the car. He says that he is going to save like mad, and then emigrate and start afresh somewhere. This could be a reaction but it might be the best thing for him because if he stays here I know she'll try to entice him back again. She plays on his concern for her boys.
Phew. I feel better for unloading that lot. Sorry.

On a brighter side, Mia has got her first tooth. Put out the flags. She has also been entertaining us by crawling like the clappers to the forbidden cupboard, sitting back on her heels and staring at the door sadly shaking her head then turning round to receive the applause from her audience. She is also trying to walk at nearly 9 months. Help.

I've not read through everything I've missed, I don't think I'll live that long, so lots of love and hugs if anything really awful is happening to you at the moment.

x

MrsCD

Monnagran, I'm so sorry to hear about your troubles. You and your son must feel awful at the moment - I hope he works out what's best for him soon.
It's dreadful how the homeless are just forgotten about by TPTB. At least you are doing what you can to help, and I'm sure you did everything you could for this poor chap.
Mia sounds like a breath of fresh air. Enjoy her as much as you can.

Sending lots of hugs and prayers to you, pet.

As we're probably the only ones still awake, I think I'll say goodnight now. x x

monnagran

Thanks Mrs CD. I hate bothering other people with my woes but when they all come together I lose a bit of equilibrium.

I'm for bed too.
Sleep well.

x

kidcat

Monnagran ((hugs))

ginnyknit

Its not bothering us Monnagran, share anytime you want. You cannot be a tower of strength all the time sometimes you have to get things off your chest. Why is it when we get troubles theres always a big clump of them. Im sure you all did as much as was in your power to help the gentleman and make his time in your area as god as possible under the circumstances. As for your son - best of out of it, he is, by the sound of it. shame for the children but sometimes you have to get out of a situation especially when theres a trollop involved.

Had a quiet day...again... OH went to visit his friend this morning giving me time to hoover the house, can't bear to do it while he is asleep. He came home a couple of hours later and went off for a snooze. I made a huge bowl of pastry and threw together a couple of quiches using all the odds and s*ds in the fridge then realised I had forgotten the cheese :eek: luckily this was just before I put them in the oven. then I found a jar of mincemeat from a Christmas - I say 'A' because it may have been a tad old but tastes fab. the last of the bits of pastry I cut into rounds and made little mincemeat pastys which came out really well and would work for a party with any filling you can think of. Also did rather a lot of wandering round pintrest looking at craft ideas then actually put some into practice. Am thinking I really do have enough stuff for an entire craft fair...wanders off to see if I can rent the Albert Hall....not joking guys...... insert serious smiley!

mcculloch29

Thanks for all your posts. Monnagran, I hope your DS makes his escape and rebuilds his life.
Money and kids.
I've never ever borrowed from an individual though I have accepted all the grants that were going to get an education. I paid off the loan grants a few years ago, when my finances improved. They have dropped again now, but I'm glad I did that. When my current credit card debt has cleared I will do my best to never ever use them again.
I think my sister received quite a bit of financial help from my father but I'm not sure. I didn't and it doesn't bother me one jot. He had a stroke when he was 57, and that was it as regards a high income. I was married then, and wasn't on my uppers, my sister a single parent and nine years older.
My children have had all the financial help I could give, when I could give it. My daughter did manage her financial affairs badly, she takes after her father in that respect. My son was a little better.
I keep meaning to investigate what happened to the monies I put into a teacher's pension scheme when I worked for Darlo college. I never received any paperwork for this; I was only there 9 months on a short-term contract. I have got a pay slip from that time which proves that some cash went in.

mcculloch29

If anyone on here does surveys and would like a referral to GTM, do drop me a PM with your email addy and name details.

I'm just about to claim £25 with them, got this in literally half the time it took to get £15 with Toluna. Their surveys seem less glitchy and more robust as well. They are my favourites, along with Ipsos.

alfsmum

Morning peeps,

Very dull here, can't believe it's almost midsummer.

Had a bit of a day yesterday, Dh in agony all weekend with raging toothache despite emergency dentist telling him there was nothing wrong with tooth and that he'd probably had some 'trauma'. Own dentist whipped the tooth out yesterday morning, it was rotten, offered root canal to save it but at £400 Dh went for extraction instead. Spent the day 'spoiling' him with soft food as he'd had a bucketload of injections and pulling about and his face is still painful. Also took dd16 to have her braces off, back to dentist with her today to assess what restorative treatment she'll need then back to orthodontist to get retainer fitted. I've had enough of teeth for while

House is a tip, girls have been sorting out several years of school books for recycling plus going through their wardrobes. Dd18 wants to get rid of lots of clothes she has barely worn, mostly decent high street names. Administered a small lecture on waste and budgeting (again!) as she tends to buy anything that takes her eye without thinking if she'll really use it. She'll be a student on a loan and bursary from September so we're going to sit down and work out a strict budget as she will be responsible for all her outgoings from then on. We've always tried to strike a good balance with our girls on making sure they could go on all the school trips etc that they wanted to, giving them pocket money which has had to cover cinema, make up and so on, but anything else they have to work for. Dd18 has bought all the clothes with her wages so I can't complain too much but I think it's coming home now that if she'd saved her money instead she could be putting it to much better use now.

Mind you, Dh is frequently of the 'if you've got it, spend it' mindset having seen older family members scrimp and save for years for no particular reason and then poor health has stopped them getting any benefit and enjoyment from their savings. Guess we have to strike a happy balance where we can.

Hope the big yellow ball will appear where you are today, and hugs to all who need them.

nuttyp

morning toughies, feeling a little better today. Youngest DD got a message from her sister last night apologising if she was hurt from what had happened. She replied she as ok, and had just treated herself to a new handbag from the sale at john lewis. She has been helping on a flower stall and saved up.

OH has gone to work today, he didn't go in yesterday as he was far too upset. He said he feels a little better but wishes things hadn't gone to the stage that they did. You cant turn the clock back can you.

Right off for a shower, and takeing DD into collage. have a good day everyone x