'supporting each other through really tough times'

savingqueen

kidcat - you were/are never selfish - you are doing what you always do, juggling lots of plates (with finesse I might add) and thinking of everyone's needs.... don't forget your own.

ginny - sending you a hug

take care

Popperwell

So sad to see so many having problems(I give my support)and would happily give my time I am a good listener and often not having family and being single I can be detached and see a problem form all angles but these really are complicated situations and one size does not fit all.

I hope that they can be worked out and have the best outcome possible. This is real life with real people that sadly the media and politicians are mainly out of touch with.

Not to take anything away from what are serious situations here...but thank you again for wishing me well for my night out and my health. I did have a better night's sleep last night and resting has done me a power of good and I was able to avoid taking pain killers. Nor did I try the tonic water I purchased to see if it would help.

All I have had today is yogurt and fruit salad and salad sandwiches and some thin sliced turkey. Small portions but good food. And I am hopeful of another good night's sleep, I'll take it when I can get it! Just doing simple things like listening to gentle easy listening music on the radio.

I hope the next few days sees things falling into place and it comes out ok. x

FairyPrincessk

I know several of you still need hugs--I don't really have much to offer in the way of help, but I am thinking of you.

Pops Glad to see you feeling a bit better. Hope you've slept well again and are starting to get your energy back.

Nutty My perspective is perhaps a bit different from others. I'm nearly 30 and get substantial financial help from my parents. However, I never expected it from them, they offered to help me fund my course so I wouldn't have to spend years saving for it. It was very generous of them. I sometimes feel ashamed of being this age and not being able to support myself, but there are several mitigating factors unique to my life, in particular, a loophole that means I'm not eligible for funding or bursaries on my course that most of my colleagues do receive. I certainly don't foresee them continuing to support me when I finish, and one day I hope to return the favour. Furthermore, I do not spend their money on luxuries--like cars, posh food or wine, big nights out etc. I live frugally and my OH and I manage both his bursary and the money my parents give us as carefully as we can. In fact, the balance is about to shift again in September when my OH is employed. All that to say---I think it is about attitude. My parents make hard choices to help me and I am grateful for them. I wouldn't dream of demanding money for things like cars or being so careless as to mismanage what they give me. They tend to give me money 3-4 times a year and I work hard to make it lost as long as possible before telling them I need another transfer. Furthermore, if they weren't able to put money away for their retirement then I'd reconsider the arrangement we have immediately. They're in a fortunate position now that they weren't in when I was younger, and I take their efforts to help me very seriously--it is a privilege, not a right. As such, I agree with what others have said. Offer your daughter non-material support, it sounds like what she needs most, even if she doesn't realize it. You won't be able to top her up forever and it will be much harder for her in the long run if she doesn't have a safety net when she finally does have to learn. She doesn't seem to realize or respect the sacrifices you are making, and she doesn't seem to respect money in general. Maybe this makes me a hypocrite, but I thought it might help to have a perspective that is a little different.

As soon as OH is off to class this morning I'm going to get the rhubarb into the slowcooker. It should finish around lunchtime I imagine, so I can let it cool and then pack it up for the freezer while I heat up lunch. Will do a crumble with some of it tonight. Its back to the gym this afternoon, which means I probably won't get a chance to get some compost as the pound shop that is close enough for me to carry it is the opposite direction--that will be tomorrow's project. I will have a bit more of a tidy in the garden this afternoon when work is done and I get back from the gym. Oh has suggested we might go to a garden centre for my birthday and that his parents might give us a lift. That isn't for a few weeks yet, so I'm researching things I could sow late. Looking like carrots, some asian cabbages and perhaps some radishes. So far I've managed to get started by only spending with what is leftover from the week's grocery money, hoping this will help supplement our food supply over late summer--but I'm not keeping my fingers crossed. It is fun anyway:D This week I managed to keep the shop low enough that I was able to get a few extra tins to start building up the store cupboard again and get some more compost.

Not particularly looking forward to my work today--but it shouldn't be particularly difficult, so I'll get on with it. I can't remember what is on the menu for tea tonight. Leftover risotto for lunch today, it is one of my favourite. Last night I added courgette, spring onions and some thyme my friend brought round from her plant that is producing faster than they can eat it. It was lovely so will look forward to that.

PRINCESSX87

Morning everyone.

I've not managed to post most of the weekend as its been rather crazy here.
HUGS TO EVERYONE WHO NEEDS THEM!
@Jen, :mad::mad::mad::mad: I hope your son isn't too affected by the thugs who attacked him. This country is not out of control.

To all the parents out there with adult children who still maybe consider all cash flow comes from the bank of mum & dad's...

Being a younger couple, There has been times when our parents have been a life line for us keeping our roof over our heads. Its easier for their children to just assume that our parents will bail us out, After all, What else do they have to worry about?

(This is the question i think all children, teens & adult children ask)

Because they have been bailed out before, Its something they will expect time & time again.
A few days of hunger, beans on toast isn't going to kill them. It got to our stage where we didnt want any help but parents have stepped in. Now, We have a personal agreement with both families.

If they pay a bill, Buy food (Anything for example) then we have to do something in return, IE look after OH little sister for a weekend, Help with painting, Basically earning it.

Maybe this is something you could offer your daughter & son in law, should YOU choose to help them. xxx

GreyQueen

Morning all.

SQ, my pal and I ate a bowl of pasta, drank some fruit juice I'd taken over and watched an episode of Sherlock she'd recorded. We also found time for some serious discussion of issues personal to her life, which may have been helpful to her.

All in under just 3 hours, bliss to have friends on nearby streets.

maryb, can I ask, do you do computer work? Obviously you're on MSE but I wondered if your proposed plan would work for someone like me who, with a combination of work and leisure computer usage, is in front of a screen for about 10 hours a day 5 days a week and about 4 hours on the weekends?

Today involves working, of course, and then I may struggle up to the lottie if I can manage it and the weather (looking dodgy atm) hasn't set in to rain. Would only do about an hour but an hour's work is better than nothing.

Had a cobblestone for brekkie and will have another cobblestone for lunch. Lovely nutty wholemeal flour from the farmer's market which comes to my Nan's village once a month. Done in a windmill, how fab is that?

Hokay, time for a quick interwebulation then out for the day. Hope everyone has a good one with something nice and hopeful.

[Deleted User]

Morning Toughies, it's cold here this morning, grey and overcast too. We had a crack of thunder at 6 ish and a real pelter of big raindrops on the window which upset the hound mightily, he'd had a very restless night anyway because we had fireworks at 11 ish last night and the poor old fella gets so VERY scared when that happens, he's out for walkies with his Dadi who has strict instructions not to let him off the lead this morning, I'm a bit concerned in case he tries to run home on his own and he would have several roads to cross if he did.

The bank of mum and dad is a tricksy issue in our lives, we've never been what you would call well off, life has sometimes been a struggle moneywise, never more than when the interest rates on the mortgage were up to 17 and a half percent, but we scraped by somehow and having decided that we could manage to do so, carried on paying the same amount even when the rates dropped again. The girls were both young at that time but old enough to understand that they couldn't have all the things thier friends had as a matter of course and if they did want something badly they would have to save up for it and we'd help if we could. It gave them a real savings ethic that has stood them in good stead to this day. They both had an allowance and a savings account at the post office when they were 11 and learned to manage thier cashflow very successfully because of it. They have never been in debt because they learned to live within thier means very early in thier lives. The younger DD has a student loan debt because medicine is a 5 year basic course and living expenses in the city she was at uni in are high. I did get a job and saved all my pay so at least we had the money for her uni fees in the bank before she went. They both have small mortgages now but are sensible with thier money and save every month. We didn't have any help from our parents, neither set could have helped, they just hadn't the spare cash to do so, having said that when my first marriage broke down the only way I ate was because my dad kept me supplied with little tiny eggs from a friend of his who had chickens and the eggs were too small to sell, my mainstay though.
I guess what I'm trying to say is it's never too early to introduce youngsters to the realities of life when it comes to money, ours knew if they wanted decent food on the table they couldn't have the fashionable things and toys thier peers had, they knew we couldn't afford holidays abroad and although they would have given much for a trip to Disney Land were happy with a week in a cottage in the country once a year, they didn't have all the latest gadgets (neither did we) or fads but did have enough to keep them occupied and it's funny that they both were the kids that thier friends wanted to go to visit at home because we did things together and gave them time, we played board games, let them cook supper, had pets, let them use the garden and took them all to the allotment, funny thing that, being the least materialistic people sometimes has rewards. It is more difficult when they are older and have friends whose parents have the cash and inclination to give thier offspring everything they expect, but it's never too late to make a start and if you have to remove thier percieved safety net along with thier expectation of being bailed out whatever happens, along with it being difficult all round soon comes the realisation that they CAN manage by themselves, and it is the first step towards true independence that they will thank you for in the long run.

Have a good one all, Cheers Lyn xxx.

Popperwell

Morning All,
I don't dream much. Well I do as everyone is said to but its rare that I remember what I do dream...bit of a rare nightmare this time. Felt like it went on forever but it was probably minutes. Those that interpret dreams probably will have some insightful meaning for such a troubled dream.

One of those deserted world scenarios where no one is about except gangs of undesirables and dogs snapping at your ankles. Other mixed up stuff that was just weird not scary, just weird.

Got up checked when my next hospital appointment is(lost the appointment details)its almost a month away(relief)had a drink of lemon green tea, took my meds and have gone back for a rest.

Will have a tidy up later and throw general rubbish out(food stuff)put dishes away.

May have to buy some more fruit later(berries don't last that long:mad::()may have to consider canned/frozen as an alternative.

I have read of a wash you can do(1 part vinegar, 3 parts water) then you dry the fruit carefully. It doesn't change the taste but the fruit then lasts longer and doesn't get that fuzziness all over it. Perhaps that's a solution.

Weather doesn't look promising as yet but it seems reasonably warm so that's something.

Hope a new day sees solutions to problems that have been shared and they don't look quite as bad as they did.

Popperwell

The suggestion is that my dream means loneliness and getting away from people that I feel society is rejecting me and yet I'd say that is less so. Does analysing of dreams work or is hokum? I don't know to be honest. You can be too obsessed with looking within. And yet it can give answers to problems, difficult one to say what is right or wrong.

alltrustgone

GreyQueen, if you need glasses for computer screen at work it might be worth checking what your employer's obligations are, eg

"Free eye tests for workers with computers and VDUs
If you use a computer screen or other type of VDU for much of your time at work, then you are entitled to free eye tests. This is laid down in the Health and Safety (Display Screen Equipment) Regulations 1992. The tests have to be done by an optometrist and are paid for by your employer. Employers may issue vouchers for you to take to an optometrist to pay for the checks at the specified time intervals. If the prescription is required for VDU use, your employer must provide vouchers towards the cost irrespective of the time space between purchases."
(http://www.patient.co.uk/health/Optometrist-Charges-Benefits.htm)

Some employers also offer help towards the cost of the specs themselves when the need can be vdu work-related. Mine did. in private sector, also a friend who works for a district LA has this option. She thinks its about £45, issued in voucher form. Currently can only be used at one national chain of opticians, although it used to be that the vouchers could be used at any appropriate opticians.

You may already be well aware of this, but just in case.

ATG

FairyPrincessk

Oh Mrs LW, what a poor doggy! I hope he has rallied after his walk and is feeling better.

Pops--I've read that some interpretations of dreams can reflect things we're working on, so your dream might indicate that you're moving away from loneliness. As for if dream interpretations are hokum or not, well if you find something meaningful in an interpretation that helps you in your daily life--either through reflection or thinking about things in another way or inspiring you, well then I think that is pretty legitimate, backed up by science or not.

Moving a bit slowly on the work today. Rhubarb is done, just cooling down now, clothes on the line and lunch just finished. Going to make a cuppa and get back to it. Just a bit more to do and I can mark the first thing off my list.