'supporting each other through really tough times'

[Deleted User]

NUTTY give them time to actually think, not be emotional, but really think and they'll see how much help you have given, both financially and physically and emotionally, this is a childs tantrum because the treat they thought was coming thier way hasn't, so they need someone to blame and you were nearest. It sounds like they are into the self pity area at this point and the world is not a fair place to be, well that lesson is more valuable learned sooner rather than later and you aren't a magician or a bottomless pit of money to be dipped into at will. I'm really sorry that you have been hurt by them and don't think it entirely fair for the fiances family to take sides, you need to let a bit of distance happen and I'm sure they will see more than one side to the situation. Stick tight to your decision though, it will do them more good in the future to have to stand on thier own feet and make them better people in the long run. Chin up chicken, it's not easy this parenting lark is it??? Love Lyn xxx.

Byatt

Oh Nuttyp, so sorry, not sure I can help as I would be so much better of financially but I often bail out my DD, and end up not going out because I can't afford it. But you have done/said nothing wrong, and I would be very annoyed by fiance's father getting involved and being angry. grrrrr. Can you call him back when they are not there and tell them what you have done for them both? It often pays to get on the same page.

And if they are old enough to live together, make decisions then they are old enough to take repsonsibility to handle their finances and not expect bail out. Goodness, I never asked my parents for money, ever, my brother's did and because they always got a result, continued until my mum dad, any little she had she gave to them. I am sure they will get over their tantrum, just let them get on with it, and carry on as normal. You have to stick to it however, they will learn, sometimes the hardest lessons taught to our children cause us the greatest heartbreak, they somehow, recover at a much faster rate.How old are they btw? roughly.

Byatt

shegar wrote: »

KIDCAT...KEZLOU.... MAR .AND LYN... Thanks for your ideas and words of comfort, Social Services do give me one week every 4 which does sound a lot , but the other 3 are hard.......They class hubbies needs as intense, thats why I get the 1 week respite.....

I get so tired, thats my problem then I seem to get ill, and cant get a pick up, we end up eating jam sandwiches quite a few nights because im tired and cant stand and cook.........We definately dont starve, but at the same time we dont really eat healthily when im ill.......

Its this dam type 1 diabetes that gets me down , after having it for 37 years , the old body starts to play up , soon as I get low and ill the sugar keeps rising and thats a battle on its own to keep stabilised ........

Ive been to the drs before regarding this and he says that im under severe stress, and have I considered having hubby put in nursing care full time, that is what should happen really , but how do I talk to him about it, when his head cant take things in ?.......He knows im not well , but doesnt realise just how much work is involved looking after him, its very hard .....................

Suffolk Carers give me one weeks respite per year , which is helpful, and they will come and sit with him but its £13.50 per hour......:eek:.......The councils budget has been cut again this April due to central goverment, so theres no way of getting extra help, plus I expect there are other people in the same situation as me , and they also need help........I will see if Red Cross have a little something to offer........
I didnt get much done at all today , I did fall asleep again in my hut for hour and half, but woke up worse than I started...:eek:......Sheila.......

I appreciate it is hard to consider putting OH in a nursing home, but what would happen to him if something happens to you, suddenly? It sounds like your quality of life is being compromised. Do you have someone to talk this over with and who could help prepare your OH? :A

[Deleted User]

SHEILA you really should go to the GP again,I wonder if they have a specialist diabetes clinic where they have specially trained nurses who might be able to help more than the GP who will be a general practitioner and not a diabetes expert? With your dear OH is there a home that he knows of where he would be happy to go perhaps for a week to see how it suited him? Do you have a home visit by a medic he knows well who could help you broach the subject to him? and perhaps help you find the right words to make him able to understand. It is so hard for you and if you're feeling out of sorts and ill all the time yourself it will be so much harder to put into perspective and think about logically. The GP for you would be the first priority though and take everything else from there, one step at a time, be kind to you, Love Lyn xxx.

ginnyknit

Shegar, I do hope you find some help. I think everyone has covered the best ideas so I wont go over it again. Will be thinking of you.

Nuttyp I think its time your DD stood on her own too feet, as hard as that is, bank of Mum will be bankrupt soon by the sounds of it.

To all who are in pain or struggling I send hugs a plenty.

Im weary today so have just been pottering though we did manage half an hour at an Artisan market this morning. Very interesting and lots of colourful characters - my kind of place. managed to get some nice cheese and sausages to keep Oh interested in food - bit of an uphill battle at the mo

fuddle

You know what nutty, if I was bailed out over and over I never would have learned. No one was to blame for my finances but me because I made the choices. I never once blamed anyone for what happened to me financially but I did ask mam and sister to be guarantor when we couldn't go with lettings agencies due to the bankruptcy on our credit file. They both declined. I was angry, very angry because at the time I felt I had no where to go and needed a bail out. When I calmed down I realised that I've never needed help from them and never asked for help from them and wouldn't start now, so In the face of refusal I tried to find a house privately. That house we lived in till Christmas was my own find and my own winning without any help from anyone.

What I'm saying is that they have to learn, you have to be cruel to be kind, they have to understand that your own finances aren't great. The other side of it is they will calm down and if they're anything like me - well I hope they will try to go about their life choices by themselves.

Another point if I may? If they are flush enough to up their car payments why should they become so affronted at you not helping them financially anymore? Do they know about your financial past? Do they know/have they seen how difficult it is to be a BR?

looks like things have changed since I worked in schools. All I wasn't allowed to do was go up ladders! It is a dangerous job at times and I did deal with flying chairs etc on a regular basis but if the little one has a one-to-one entitlement then that should be fulfilled regardless of staffing situations.

CRANKY40

NuttyP You are working almost round the clock to subsidise them as it is. Time for them to join the real world, and as for emotional blackmail, well that stinks, not to mention adults sulking like children etc. Let me tell you about my mum.....

Years ago I worked for the Halifax and my boyfriend and I took out a loan to buy a motorbike to do the journey to work. One day we had an accident (not our fault) and the bike was off the road for about 2 months which meant we had to find the money for the bike loan and £30 a week each to commute to work.

Previous to this, when my grandad had cancer I used to send my gran £10 a month to buy him a bottle of whisky to help with the pain (I lived in Kent, they lived in Merseyside). After my grandad died I kept on sending the £10 as my mum and her boyfriend moved in with gran and they weren't generous people.

When I rang my mum to tell her about our bike accident and how worried I was about finding the money for fares to work and the bike loan (I would have lost my job if we couldn't pay it), did my mum ask if we were hurt? No. She snapped "Well I hope you're still going to send your gran her money, she needs that money".

Now do you see how lucky your daughter is? I'd love 5 minutes on my own with them to tell her and her boyfriend how lucky I think they are.

Sheila I used to work in a nursing home. I gave all of our residents a cup of horlicks or cocoa and a goodnight kiss at bed time. Some places are good, you just have to do your research and I would do it now if I were you before you end up in there with him. Love and hugs, I know it's not an easy decision.

jem132

Thankyou to you all you have been fab in your advice.

Our school has a sen school in it in a separate bay the full send school in down the road and his ta was poached from said school for my ds.

I am meeting with his ta, senco and the head tomorrow at 8am.....

But iv had another blow today ds13 was robbed at knife point for his blackberry phone today so had police in and out most of the day. He's ok but shaken up police were really good got the helicopter out with in mins of our call...


Anyway really need suger so off for some chocolate

FairyPrincessk

Evening all. Sounds like some of you need some hugs, tea and support. I've read through, but feeling quite tired so apologies if I miss anyone. Nutty, Shegar and Jem--I do hope all of you find a way out of your troubles and get some cheer soon.


I had several ups and downs today. Bit of a row with my OH. It is so rare that it happens. We usually enjoy the walk and and fro Ald! but today it was silence. We'd made up by the time we got home, and it wasn't about anything really, but I was feeling pretty emotionally bruised when I sat down to work. Did a bit of work, but really struggling with this. It is a bit of a side project, and one that is a sign I'm doing well, but it is tough going and I really feel it on weekends when i'm supposed to be taking time off to remember that life isn't just about work. anyway, OH suggested I take a week off my normal work and do this in one go. He is right really, so looks like that is what I'm doing next week. I'm trying to work some feedback into the piece and while it is all good feedback, my self-esteem can really suffer doing this sometimes, and it is hard coming and going from it. Felt much better after deciding that so that is what I'll do starting tomorrow.

Friend came round for cuppa and it was lovely. I was dreading it a bit. I'm one of those people who likes a lot of time on my own and wasn't sure I was up to company--but it was lovely and they didn't stay long so I had a bit of an evening potter in the garden before I made supper.

The bad news is I've had to play undertaker to some slugs. The good news is my friend came round and has possibly identified that mysterious wintergreeny looking bush in the front--she thought it was a rosemary. I poo pooed that idea and then went out for a sniff and a closer look...sure enough, I think she is right. Not sure how to officially get it identified so we can eat some of it. She also brought round some seeds for me, so to keep myself in good spirits next week my project will be finding makeshift containers, getting in some more compost and getting those started. Several herbs and some salad. OH has also been inspired by the pictures of their allotment and has promised to help after his course ends. Now I'm looking at what I could sow in the next 3-4 weeks to grow in some containers. It really does make me happy.

Hugs to all who need them. I think I'm off for an herbal tea and an early night.

nuttyp

hi guys, thankyou for your replies. Ive just been for a cuppa with a good friend and she has said exactly the same. DD is 22 and he is 23. We have both been BR, and she knows exactly how hard things have been. She saw the house being repossessed and attended the court hearing when I went BR.

My mum has been called by her, and my mum told her that she didn't think they had been very fair or nice to me.