'supporting each other through really tough times'

savingqueen

Morning all,

Hugs to kidcat, fuddle, D&DD and anyone else in need. lets make it a big one (((((((((((((((((((((((( toughies ))))))))))))))))))))))))

Well done kidcat for staying so strong, stick to what you know is right and you can't do any better than that.

Fuddle - I feel your pain. DS9 flips from kind, sensitive, intelligent boy to very rude, sarcastic and angry boy in an instant. It is a shock to begin with. Just as DS6 has calmed down loads.... DS9 is doing his jeckell and hyde act all the time. You are not alone, most parents go through this at some time, it's normal. Just think what they would be like if we didn't put boundaries in place and love, support and discipline them?

Stuff that helps me:

however angry you are, try and stay calm (though think its fine/good for kids to occasionally see you get angry as you need to let off steam and kids need to learn how to deal with anger by watching you)

shouting over them doesn't work, they will just hear the shouting and not the message

picking my "fights" ie letting the smaller things go (or tackling the smaller things when no big issues to deal with)

trying to ignore the awful behaviour and then talking about it calmly when child has calmed down

conversely responding positively to good behaviour and giving specific praise ie not just you are so good at art but I like the way you have drawn those eyes

putting aside a small amount of time for each child on their own so they get special time

sticking to usual routines etc but being flexible when appropriate. DS9 was so tired yesterday, I didn't push him to go to swimming class and he appreciated it and said he would definitely go next week.

not taking the insults (like I hate you, you are the worst mum ever etc) personally

telling them their behaviour is totally unacceptable, that I don't like their actions but love them still.

making sure you let your feelings out the best ways you can, talk about it with other mums/on forums etc so you don't build it up to something bigger

I got a couple of library books out to help me understand boys' behaviour (quite a few differences between boys and girls generally) and of course stuff on the www. One thing I learnt about boys is that they need to move about a little to balance their hearing until they get older. So that explains why they can't stand/sit still for more than 2 seconds! Also rather than shouting from afar "dinner's ready" go up to them, touch their arm and say in a low voice "dinner's ready" and they will hear you first time. It works, the touch means they will turn their head round and look at you. There may be girl specific stuff that might help?

look at them when they are fast asleep and angelic and remember they are still young and vulnerable and your babies

remember they are testing behaviours, stretching boundaries and feel safe to do so with you because they know they are loved unconditionally

remember you are a great mum, doing your best. Do not be unkind to yourself - no sense in that when you really think about it!

I know you know all the stuff about reinforcing good behaviour, routines fuddle - more so than me probably. I'm just typing as I think!

One thing that worked the other day - DS went into school not speaking to me, stomping into school (previously mimicking me, shouting "How dare you?" in response to me saying the same) and not saying goodbye. When he came out of school, he was really sulky. I put my hand around his shoulders and asked quietly if he had had a bad day and immediately he started talking to me properly (and he had had a difficult day at school)

today was meant to be my stay in and clean/tidy day but I am on here, already been shopping and need to get prescriptions next. Oh well I will still get some stuff down and the rest will just wait for another day!

sq:)

Possession

Fuddle try Freecycle for printers, they come up regularly here.
And my 8 yr old DD is very trying, LOL! She's as tall as her 11 yr old brother, and lots of the girls in Yr 6, and can have an attitude to match. She is much much worse if she hasn't eaten, so if she's behaving awfully I try to get some food into her and wait 10 minutes or so before I explode. I am quite strict with them both though, and won't tolerate rudeness or I'm afraid I become Shouty Mum which I don't like, but I dislike rudeness more.
Back to the grindstone. It's DD's First Communion on Sunday, all the family are coming and my house WILL look like something out of Ideal Home magazine by then.

Popperwell

Another lack of day energywise and I'm dozing. Then again I had twelve hours of poor sleep overnight caused by aching legs that I could not manage to get into a comfortable position...I know a few of us on here have that problem...so I sleep when possible whenever that is...doesn't look promising out there weatherwise again...

I got caught in a shower last night coming home from the shops and actually enjoyed getting rained on.

nuttyp

Thanks everyone for the comments, and no I didn't find any of them offensive. DD is looking at another house further away, just because she can. Her boss has a sister working in a local estate agents so she is on the lookout, and she has 2 other clients who work in different places so they are looking too.

Re children's attitudes, well my youngest is 17 and I remember the days all too well. I was on my own so it was even harder. The main complaint was I was never there, still is at times. But I have always had to work, and unfortunately it is still the same today. The thing is when they asked for things, I would make them work out how many hours it took me to be away at work for them to have it. I still do today, but now they say I am just plain tight. I am proud to be tight tho!!!

Well I need to get the shopping put away, its just a little one today I spent under £25 in aldi.

On a lighter note I need to share something my OH rang to tell me today. He works as a courier driver, so lots of funny/strange things happen - think frosted glass, lights on and undressed people. Well today he had a delivery to a caravan park. Only this is no ordinary caravan park - its a naturist park. Its so cold and grey here but he assures me they were definatley still in nature..... And no I wont be vistiting at the weekend lol.

Have a good day everyone x

Possession

LOL Nutty, bad enough paying a fortune to go to a caravan park when it rains all week, it'd be 10 times worse if I had to walk around naked in the rain!

FairyPrincessk

I know what you mean now, Pops. How annoying! I hope you're able to spend the day relaxing!

Fuddle---definitely look out for a free printer, but if you do need to buy, the cost of ink might be worth considering, as I spend far more ink than on the actual printer! This article has a few tips at the bottom:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/money/2013/feb/23/printer-ink-cartridges-paying-more-getting-less

Although as someone who prints a fair amount, I'll say I've had the best luck by getting refurbished cartridges online. They usually have free overnight shipping and are vastly cheaper than the branded ones. My printer is an HP and the cartridges are about half the price of the brand name ones. I've been doing this for a couple of years now and have only had a bad cartridge once--the company apologized profusely and said it was a bad batch and gave me another free.

The other trick I learned (I wish I'd know it sooner!) is that my computer and printer do not actually know when the cartridge is empty--they just go off page counts. Taking it out and putting it back in usually means I get a few more MONTHS worth of printing out of it--although it does mean I run out with no warning so I try to keep a spare on hand.

Good luck!

NuttyP--How funny! I don't understand it, personally I layer up most of the times! I've been known to have no fewer than four shirts on at a time before!

alfsmum

Thought I'd share the sign in the C@-@p window today. 'We are trialling a new receipt system. Please bare with us'. Naturist shopping anyone?

I've been reading but not posting much the last few days as my anxiety has been really bad. Getting to Lidly and C@-@p today was a major achievement as I got to the car park yesterday and was shaking so much I couldn't get out of the car so came home again feeling very deflated. Toughed it out today and it was horrible but I did it. I know the only way through it is to push myself to get on with life but sometimes it's just too much and I have to step back. Hard to explain anxiety and panic to people who have never experienced it and for whom going out to a shop or anywhere is something they do without thinking. I can be one of those people for weeks or months but suddenly the anxiety is back and I struggle.

Anyway, actually got into Lidly this time and bought some bread flour so I'll have a go at making some rolls when I need something to occupy my mind.

Steady rain overnight but at least it will have watered in the beans and courgettes at the lottie. Couldn't get down there yesterday but will try today - not so stressful as busy places.

Sun is trying to shine and it's very windy so I've risked putting some washing out as I refuse to put the drier on this side of winter!

ginnyknit

All I can say is naturists must be tough people to go naked in this country

Princess I am so glad you are getting sorted - its only a few days since you arrived on here and now you are more in control already.

SQ thank you for sharing your research, I am sure the ideas will help DGS no end, especially the touch and tell idea.

Took DGs home last night, we had him from Sunday bedtime and by last night he just wanted to go home. He has been so good but Grandad was poorly and that was difficult for him to grasp. I now ache in places I didnt know I had - who needs the gym when you have a 3 year old. I really should stop rolling around the bed tickling him and catching him when he bounces around :rotfl:

off to do something peaceful and linked to lying on the couch! still would like to know how he records programmes in advance on sky and put subtitles on the tv upstairs ???

ArthriticOldThing

Good afternoon. Although there is nothing really good about it for me. My old hoover finally collapsed yesterday and I am now faced with having to get another (I dare not say new). Will try Freecycle as dread having to buy one. It would wipe out all my small savings pot.
Oh Popperwell(pops) you have my sympathy - I too spent most of last night awake because of bad legs so I know how awful it is. Hope you get some relief.
The trouble with my legs meant I had far too much time awake to worry myself into a tiz about vacuum and finances so I feel pretty awful today and just can't get going at all.
I wish you were near me Fuddle as I have a spare, working printer which can't use as it won't talk to my laptop. Congrats on getting the old laptop working.:T You must be pretty determined. I just give up and burst into tears with things like that.
And Princesssx87 I'm so glad to hear that you're managing to get things under control and so get some sleep.
Despite my 'get up and go' having 'got up and gone' I'm must do something today so will get breadmaker and slow cooker on before I start on another bagful of paper! Hope you all enjoy at least some of the day.

savingqueen

Alfsmum - well done with going through that horrible feeling. I can empathise. I know you have to work on anxiety and push through it but it doesn't take away the awful feelings. Just think though you got what you wanted and you are another tiny step forward. I have other anxieties - phones are a biggie for me but far better than years ago when just the sound of a phone ringing would make me jump out of my skin - let alone actually pick it up and use it.

thanks for the printer tips FairyP. Our printer isn't connected to our PC as we don't use it enough and I couldn't justify the cost of the cartridges. DH prints off anything important at work. However I spend so much time writing things out or cut and pasting and sometimes an instant print of a voucher or something would be so useful. I think I will research the best deals etc and buy one. DS9 will need a printer for secondary school later anyway I guess.

Thanks also for all the pizza making/reheating tips. Just pan fried some with a squirt of olive oil and it crisped up nicely and tasted delicious thanks. Enough for my lunch tomorrow too. Might try the same with the kids' leftovers for their tea tonight.

Went to collect prescriptions from local chemist. Usually tag it on to a trip to Mr tosspots but trying to walk more and use local shops. The staff there were so friendly and helpful, I was in there chatting for ages. Ended up with a free blood pressure check. Mine's a bit low, said nothing too worry about, positive really but to come back for another test in a month which I will do. I wonder sometimes when I feel so tired if its anything specific or just a busy lifestyle. Should get my iron levels checked as been prone to slight anaemia on several occasions.

Then popped into local library on a whim - libraries are an instant de-stress place for me. Again lovely staff and picked up yet another book on kids and behaviour and a very basic sewing book. I keep borrowing sewing books and the ideas are too complex for me yet. This time I picked a kids' book, still some stuff looks tricky but there are a couple of simple projects like making a cotton shopping bag so I will set myself a challenge to make one item before book up for return/renewal in 3 weeks time.

Ok off to make a quick batch of muffins and then tidy up as much as possible before quick cuppa before school run. Everything else can just wait . We are making father's day cards after school.

sq:)