'supporting each other through really tough times'

kidcat

fuddle - was just switching off for the night and noticed your post, and didnt want you to feel ignored, sending you hugs as I just dont have the words to help you. I am absolutely exhausted and desperate for sleep after three very bad night, so anything I said would be rubbish, my one sane piece of advice is that you need to get some help with how you feel about this, our GP offers counselling services and I strongly feel you need something.
personally I think your anxieties and depression are likely to be rooted in this issue ( I have seen it so many times) and with good counselling you will be able to move forward finally.

Remember you can not change anybody else but yourself. ((hugs)) and hope you sleep well tonight

jpscloud

ArthriticOldThing wrote: »

I was very disappointed (especially after reading so many of your posts) with myself for letting the freezer get in such a state that I couldn't identify quite a lot and had to throw it out.:eek: With money now so tight I can't afford to do that.
So decided to have a good root around in my cupboards while it was on my mind and am pleased I did as with what is left in freezer plus store I think I just need to buy milk this week which will help a lot. :j
Its lovely and sunny here so bedding drying nicely on my small veranda. I wish there was a garden but living in flat I have to be grateful for what outside space there is. Am hoping to get a window box going to grow some herbs etc. Anyone got any ideas what will do well in a small, windy but sunny space please?

I would recommend thyme, buy a rooted pot in a supermarket (much cheaper than garden centres, and often YS!) and give it a nice bit of compost to settle in for the summer. I find it usually needs replacing year on year, as it gets very straggly and weak after a summer. It will stand a lot of weather, but keep it well watered.

Mint is good too, that will also do well from a rooted pot in a supermarket, and oregano or marjoram will stand a bit of wind as long as it gets plenty of sun.

Rosemary should manage to survive too.

Hope everyone is enjoying the marvellous weather - I've managed to get a lot done in the garden and my potatoes are growing a mile a minute!

Fuddle, sorry for your troubles. I know this is easier said than done, but try to compartmentalise so that the happiness isn't overwhelmed completely.

PRINCESSX87

fuddle wrote: »

Sorry all, not posted all day as having lovely time with my little family in the garden but have just received a msg from my mam asking what I'm doing tomorrow and need a supportive release. gutted and its blown the wind out of my happy sails

I replied I'm not doing anything but would prefer you stayed home to do some sorting. Sorry. She replied 'ok' I then replied ' I don't know what you want me to say, I'm really bothered by all this and can't face you until you get the motivation to sort yourself out. She's ignore that one.

I feel such a mean cow but at the same time I am angry because I was so happy an so relaxed. Close to tears and feel like relenting and saying 'come down' but that would be as bad as me doing the cleaning work wouldn't it?

I'm not an ultimatum type of girl but I don't want to spend time with her at the moment. I'm protecting myself even though I feel so bad.

I have just admitted to DH that my life would be so much easier of she died. How horrible is that. I feel my relationship with her has already gone and all thy she can offer me is baggage and negative, hurtful emotion.

It's so hard when your closely connected to someone with this sort of disorder, Because when you protect yourself, Your riddled with guilt that their condition is only going to get more out of control.
As I stated in the last post of mine, My mum was too a heavy drinker and although I have seen for myself that she's more in control with her addition I always wonder what will be that tipping point to just put her back to square one.

One thing I have learnt the hard way I might add, Is giving in. Only for your own peace of mind, You give in now - expecting her to have changed in the short space of time for her to hurt you once more.
Have you got any brothers or sisters that could have your family member over to give you a rest? x x

monnagran

It's one of those nights. I've been babysitting Mia who was put to bed at 5.30pm as usual and slept all the evening. They don't expect her to wake up until 6 or 6.30am. She has been a dream about sleeping since she was about 3 months old.

Unfortunately I didn't get in till late and I've got loads of things to do before 9.00am. I've just finished doing some minutes that have to be distributed this morning and have 2 puddings to make for the Drop-in. I'm much too tired tonight so will put my alarm on and do them early in the morning.
Who needs sleep?

Fuddle: She is the mother, you are the child. Will you be expecting your two girls to sort out your problems when they grow up? No, of course you won't. So ditch the guilt my sweet. If there is any guilt to be had it should be sitting in her lap, not yours. Enjoy your garden, your children and your life. Heaven knows, you've earned it.

too tired to make any sort of sense....so.....
Good Night.

x

boultdj

Big [hugs] Fuddle,and protect yourself and your little family.

[Deleted User]

Morning all, we had a poorly lurcher yesterday he was obviously sore and stiff and just couldn't find anywhere comfortable to settle, he just prowled round and round the house for hours, didn't want to go out and didn't want the lights off, it was a long evening. He finally settled down at 2ish in the morning and I got some sleep, phew!!! then this morning he's full of ping and gone for walkies with his Dadi!!! it's a mystery!!! but I'm glad he's feeling better!!!

FUDDLE I can really understand how upset you feel, I had the same feelings every time my Mum phoned and put on her pathetic act, it's a nightmare and it's not fair either. It went on for years, me feeling totally guilty for the girls if I said yes, come over or guilty for her if I said no don't! The girls and thier safety were what really clinched the matter for me, I just couldn't have them contaminated by her ways, her aquaintance and her lifestyle choices. It's such a difficult place to be because whatever you decide will be wrong for some of those you love and definately guilt making for you. I came to the conclusion in the end that Mum was never going to be different not because she didn't care about us but because she cared about herself more. Those are harsh words but I'm certain you will understand that feeling. Mum lived about 15 miles from us at that point and I lived in dread of her turning up on the doorstep with goodness knows who in tow and she smoked,none of us ever have, and she would smoke in my house and DD1 would end up with an asthma attack and DD2 with a chest infection whenever she came. One day I just saw the light, I had to make it stop and I still to this day don't know where I found the strength from to say NO every time she was in contact, and it took such a very long time to make that stick but I did, and it has been a much easier and better life since I did!!! I don't think she was deliberately evil, but she was not very kind, not very sensible, certainly never in my life very motherly and I wanted better for the girls, not someone in thier lives who would set them against us and encourage them to answer back and be rebellious. I can only say that making a break is one of the hardest things it has ever been my lot in life to do, but it changed out lives, all of us, so much for the better that it has been worth the hardship in doing it! I hope you managed to sleep last night little one, it's rock and hard place teritory isn't it? Remember I'm always at the end of a PM if you want me, Love Lyn xxx.

fuddle

Thank you for the support

I'm alright, had a decent nights sleep once I drifted off. I'm angry that my wishes were ignored and she tried it on, most probably expecting me to back down. I didn't, she'll probably spend the day not sorting but drinking and watching her American comedies on the TV. Her bad, nowt to do with me. She can come down as soon as she clears a path (told her to put them all in the spare room where we will take them to recycling etc) to her bed and clears the bed so she can sleep in it again. Hardly masses of work but it shows she's helping herself and its a practical small start. The ultimatum bit doesn't sit very well with me as I firmly believe people should do something because they want to, not because they are forced to or for other people's wishes but I don't know what else to do that 1) shows her I'm really not able to face her with her current behaviour and 2) protects myself and my children.

My eldest (8) knows my mam is an alcoholic. I've explained it but to be honest they have grown up knowing grandma's favourite is wine. The worrying thing is youngest DD said yesterday 'that's what grandma does in her house' when DH put his bottle of lager on the grass during our BBQ. I've obviously been talking about it in front of her but I don't shield anything from the girls and lime to explain things at their level so even though I'm sorry she has a visual picture of mams behaviour her drinking is never going to be a shock to them. Blergh, horrible subject.

Kidcat I agree about the counselling and doctors but my worry is when I apply to be a child minder would that current situation on my medical records prevent me being fit to child mind? I'm scared it will even though I know I'm perfectly fine day to day I just need to escape someone else's behaviour, just so happens that its connected to all my foibles.

Well, dull and grey here but not letting that get me down. Going to get ready and see where the day takes us. The girls are going out on their scooters so that is a given.

Potato salad went down very well with kiddies they would like more today so think we'll have cheese and crackers, side if tato salad and tomato for lunch. DH fishing. I'm wishing I had a bit wool to do some granny squares (your fault monnagran) and quite fancy starting a blanket for thw back of the car. Live 2 minutes drive away from hobby craft so think ill go dream in there this afternoon then call off in Wilkos for the cheap stuff lol

Note to self: never run out of mental medicine... Yarn!

Love to all, I really appreciate your friendship and support and knowing that its ok to post when a little melt down happens like last night. I'm sure that by typing it out last night helped me sleep. I'm just sorry you have to read it. It's really rather embarrassing.

[Deleted User]

We're here for you pet, don't feel embarrassed, no need, it's what friends do is listen and if it helps you, where's the problem in telling us?

FairyPrincessk

Fuddle,

Just wanted to say, don't worry about going to your GP for help. The information will be confidential. The only instance where anyone would be told is if they were worried you would harm yourself or someone else. You need never tell future employers if you don't wish to, and as you aren't a danger to anyone, they couldn't deny you a job on that basis anyway (legally anyway, although some will try it on). Anyway, just like if you had any other health problem you aren't obliged to tell anyone you don't want to tell. Big hugs. Just wanted to chime in with that as I hate to think of someone not getting the care they need because they're worried about their future ability to work.

mardatha

My mum wasn't kind at all, was very inflexible, bossy, and always angry. She drank too, but that was later on after I had left home. We are not responsible for other people's behaviour and problems - even when they are close family. I found it best to shut a door in my head and get on with my own life. Like Mrs L .