'supporting each other through really tough times'

Cheapskate

Morning toughies

fuddle, glad you enjoyed your barbecue with the littlies, shame the evening ended on a downer, though! I agree with monnagran, she is your mum, not the other way around, and I think you are right to keep your distance, at least for now. Your family comes first, she's big enough to live with her lifestyle choices! I know what it's like to have family members with alcohol problems; ultimately it led to his death, which we're all still sickened about but we're learning to cope with it.

I'm going to wash some winter coats today, hack some lumps out of the freezer to see what they are :rotfl: and try to tackle mount ironmore. My potatoes are taking a long time to get going, and hope some of them grow - I remember reading GQ's comments about spud prices may be about to shoot up, so am trying to keep my crop this year, as well as stock up on a few tins for the winter!

A xo

VJsmum

aargh - families eh? Who'd have them! Fuddle, if your mum was a drug addict you wouldn't think twice about keeping her away from your kids, I am not sure this is any different.

I don't shield anything from my two - never have. We had a family member (BiL) who was a depressive and made several suicide attempts before his successful one. This was three years ago, so my youngest was only 11 but they dealt with it really well, had known "Uncle D" was suicidal so the final act, whilst shocking, did not come out of the blue for them and they were able to cope. (not suggesting this is a potential outcome, just the non surprise bit). We've always had heavy drinkers in our family (my aunt and uncle ran a pub, which was the focal point for many family gatherings) but no alcoholics fortunately. I was always fond of a glass of wine myself, and wondered at times if it was need or habit (you know Friday night "wine o'clock" thing). Lately though it messes with my head and I've decided to not drink much at all - an occasional shandy. So at least I know it wasn't need.

I am feeling a little steam rollered at the moment. An early Sunday morning phone call from SiL is often a worrying thing. I seem to have been volunteered to look after her two kids in the summer holidays for a few days. i don't mind really - these are the widow and two children of aforementioned BiL, so I am happy to help. Except - that it is always me. SiL has 4 brothers and sisters but they never seem to pitch in. I have decided to employ trusty Tossco vouchers and take them to Cadbury world (tho DD will be the responsible adult while I go to work) and Drayton Manor (which I will supervise). THe children are not the best behaved - never have been, even when BiL was alive - but are usually better when their mother isn't around :cool:

Whilst I deplore Tosscos, I am a total hypocrite cos I really like the vouchers for days out.:o

OH and DS have gone train spotting today - all the way to Keighley, when we have loads of steam railways here. DD is off to work in a mo, so i have a quiet house for a few hours. :T I made good use of Ald!'s super 6 rhubarb and am going to make some jam. I may get even more and chop it up for the freezer as it is so cheap.

Have a good one folks - I hope our clouds lift sooner than they did yesterday.

[Deleted User]

WooHoo I just picked the first courgette of the year in the polytunnel!!!!!!! Must be summer, well, in there at least!!!

Mrs_Veg_Plot

Another beautiful day here today. Washing is on the line and bacon baps have been consumed as a breakfast treat. I have placed the brassicas on the veg plot where they are to be planted and will do that after I have finished my brew. The rest of them need to be planted on the allotment so I am hoping OH will be up to it when he gets home from work in about an hour. Also need to plant the marrow,s courgettes and butternut squash on the allotment as well to make more room in the greenhouse for the rapidly growing tomato and cucumber plants.

We have been invited to a BBQ this evening so no cooking for me tonight . As much as I love cooking I also really enjoy not having to cook every now and then.

Sounds like you had a good day in the garden fuddle. I love relaxing in mine when I get the chance. I think there is something quite fulfilling about sitting back and admiring the fruits of your labour and watching a blank canvas take shape. However it is even better if you are not looking at it around a line full of washing because that distracts me with thoughts of having to iron it all later.

Enjoy your day

Mrs VP

fuddle

I'm going to call docs tomorrow for an appointment. I do need a bit of help with this because its only going to get worse. I've worked so hard at getting off the anti depressants and adopting a positive attitude so really very angry that I may need them again.

I love the scraping off the freezer to see what the lumps are lol

I have no room in my kitchen cupboards for tins and extra stocks and its making me nervous. I think the understairs hobbit hole may need a tidy to accommodate extras.

Jazee

mardatha wrote: »

My mum wasn't kind at all, was very inflexible, bossy, and always angry. She drank too, but that was later on after I had left home. We are not responsible for other people's behaviour and problems - even when they are close family. I found it best to shut a door in my head and get on with my own life. Like Mrs L .

Same here.

Byatt

Whilst I agree Fuddle has to protect herself and her family, alcholism is not a lifestyle choice but a "disease", which IMHO makes it harder for family or friends to disconnect, your feelings about the person become very confused and the guilt is horrendous. I too have family who are alcoholics, (immediate and otherwise), I've been physically threatened and abused by them and broke contact eventually but was heartbroken to do so, because the person underneath the alcohol, was really a good person.

My mum was similar to Mardatha's and others, I think it went with being very unhappy, of course as a child I didn't know that, she was also very abusive, but in such a way no-one saw, on the surface a loving, religious woman who adored her children. No-one would believe the emotional and psychologcial abuse that went on, and which resulted in me making a poor choice in a life partner, because I didn't see his behaviour as abnormal, it fitted so well into the family pattern.

Talking therapies can be excellent and I definitely recommend them as Kidcat suggested. Also al-anon (as someone else suggested), being with people who understand can make your heart feel at peace for the first time. I didn't find out what my mother's mental condition was until 2000, and the lightbulb, OMG moment and the sheer bloody relief, realising it wasn't me who had the problem, was life changing.

I have contact with only one member of my family now, and that's through her seeing what my mother was like, the only one who ever did. I do sometimes miss the "family", but know it never was a "good" one, and I appreciate the peace and the lack of drama. My sister left a message recently saying she wanted to get in touch again, I deleted it, I have no intention of going back there, and yes I feel a pang of guilt, always being the enabler and the support has it's drawbacks, but I'm looking after me now.

kezlou

Fuddle you know my opinion hun ((hugs))

Well spent the day with the in laws yesterday, we mainly sat in the sun playing with OH nephews. They up for the weekend, and its the first time we've met the new baby. They were so, cute happily smiling and playing away.
Ds2 just played the entire time.

Had to have words with mil when she called ds2 a monster. He was freaking out because he couldn't find his dinosaurs. We had been playing with them, when his raptor went missing for an hour. Its one of things that when he finishes playing he likes to know where everything is. After am hour or so it was too much for him.

He didn't shout instead he started panicing and walking round, so need to call him names. He got really upset and started crying and saying I'm not a monster. We went home not long after that.

Not sure what the plan is today, was going to go to the mela, but costs at least £9 to get, back from home.


So right now where watching dantes peak, ds2, loves volcano es.

kidcat

kezlou - can you do a pen portrait of DS to give to friends and relatives? I have found well meaning friends have jokingly called my boys names in the past, or done something that has set them off and its caused uproar. We had a pen portrait of DS9 done two years ago and I am inclined to show that to people who we only see occassionally, just to help them understand how to interact appropriately with him.

Byatt

VJ'smum, I'm inspired by your proposed visit to Glastonbury and with the thought in mind that I might do it with DD next year, can oyu tell me more about the family camping part and when/how you get tickets, please?