'supporting each other through really tough times'

shegar

Byatt wrote: »

I find your last comment interesting for a number of reasons but primarily because outside of my home no-one would have known I was not coping. I have also known many people who have appeared on the surface to have no problems whatsoever, this includes people on the hoarders programmes who held down jobs and had friends.

How I present on here when talking about my problems is not how I present in "real life". I have even "fooled" the experts on first meeting me.

I do think alot of people can relate to what you said, including me too.......

When im out all be it, shopping, walking the dogs , or just pass someone in the street and stop for a quick chat, people usually first say "how are you getting on with your hubby is he any better." etc etc, I smile very sweetly and say "thanks for asking we are very well thank you with a smile", but inside im dying.......because of how ill he is, and I have to do literally everything for him and im so tired and wore out, and im crying my heart out inside.......

But you cant say all things things to other people, nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors, I feel my life has been turned upside down , hubby feels the same ........

But you put the brave face on , so its a front .............Thats why I appreciate my home and garden so much its my peaceful sanctuary ................Somewhere I can be whether I want to cry or laugh on my own , so people dont see that side of me ....Sheila

Hardup_Hester

We have an alcoholic staff member, I know her husband in another capacity, he didn't realise I work with his wife, he confided in me about her drinking & told me 'Nobody she works with knows she has a problem' But we do, we all know, she often arrives at work drunk, she smells of drink & looks awful.
Tea. I like mine wet, apart from that I'm not fussy, but love the sound of aniseed tea.

[Deleted User]

SHEILA whenever you feel that low you'll be getting a hug from ALL of us friends here, we'll wrap you around with warmth and caring and hold you tight until you find your balance again, and that goes for any of us who are feeling fragile for any reason. There are some times when you don't ask questions, just give love and give it freely and unstintingly and that is on the days when the only one you can't fool is the face looking back at you from the mirror, and we've all been there pet, each one of us, so Hugs and more Hugs, you do a sterling job and your OH couldn't be better loved and looked after by anyone else, good on you girl, you're a champion, Respect Lyn xxx

stiltwalker

Lyn - that is one of those posts I'd like to be able to thank multiple times, so thank you - you always have the times to post hugs and encouraging words when life throws any one of us a curveball. You're a treasure - X

Been to visit DD's new school for September - we are so lucky to have such an amazing school in our village. I'm sure she is going to be very happy there and all signs are pointing to me being a very happy special needs mummy with her there - the attitude is bang on and all accommodations so far being met with a smile and an 'of course, no worries'.

GreyQueen

((((((fuddle)))))) and ((((((((Bigjenny))))))))

I think alcoholism is one of the great unspoken truths in a lot of people's families. It's so common, yet carries a stigma, and a sense of shame is felt by those who have no reason to do so.

Take care of yourselves, and anyone else who is in this situation, please have a dodgy group hug........:grouphug:

Byatt

shegar wrote: »

I do think alot of people can relate to what you said, including me too.......

When im out all be it, shopping, walking the dogs , or just pass someone in the street and stop for a quick chat, people usually first say "how are you getting on with your hubby is he any better." etc etc, I smile very sweetly and say "thanks for asking we are very well thank you with a smile", but inside im dying.......because of how ill he is, and I have to do literally everything for him and im so tired and wore out, and im crying my heart out inside.......

But you cant say all things things to other people, nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors, I feel my life has been turned upside down , hubby feels the same ........

But you put the brave face on , so its a front .............Thats why I appreciate my home and garden so much its my peaceful sanctuary ................Somewhere I can be whether I want to cry or laugh on my own , so people dont see that side of me ....Sheila

Shegar, I'm not very good at speaking the right words, if you were here I'd give you a hug and make a cuppa and we would perhaps have a cry and a laugh. You are an amazingly strong woman and I am so sorry life has given you both such an awful hand. Yes, your lives have been turned upside down and it's so unfair. I have come to realise the people who seem the most untouched by life have in fact been dealt the biggest blows and losses, there was once a time when I used to think of someone, oh they're alright they don't know what pain is, but then at a later date have found out differently, so now I appreciate that you never know what a person has gone or is going through.

I have the utmost respect for you. xxx

D&DD

Stiltz having a supportive school makes such a difference hope all goes well for her when she starts X

shegar I love it when I can go for a virtual walk round your garden your posts are so descriptive thanks for sharing them

Sat here with a full belly trying not to doze feeling shattered tonight and haven't done an unusual amount of anything today apart from stuffing my face with cake..

Just had more hail harumph not pleased so am ordering a nice dose of sunshine for the morning

kidcat

sending big hugs to all it really does seem to be one of "those" weeks for so many.

I have been out!! Proper out too I discovered weeks ago that the theatre in the next town was doing a week of seven brides the musical, and booked two tickets, my friend from group went too.

It was really very good, and it was incredibly good to have an evening "off", just what I needed.

mcculloch29

Wow, huge hugs to all, a lot of sharing - how I sometimes wish that alcohol hadn't been discovered. It would have saved me huge distress. (Ex is an alcoholic, DS has had a narrow escape and now doesn't drink).
Lyn, you amaze me. Out of the strong comes forth such sweetness.

Gosh it's been a busy day. Cycling to Pops' was a performance. I explained to the guys that I was there to see what was said as Pops had found the first visit and tone of the letter very distressing.

Exactly as predicted, it's a stock letter, had to be phrased formally and the entire focus of the visit - which WASN'T highlighted in the letter and really should have been - was on health and safety matters.

The guys - one barely in his twenties and the other thirty-something - were very pleasant indeed and explained that they had procedures that had to be followed. Fair enough.

On Visit 1 they had found an exit door blocked with rubbish, which was an H&S issue. They also found the bath and bathroom filled with the rubbish Pops had just put there from one of the bedrooms.
They didn't know the rubbish had just been put there and, quite rightly, saw it as an H&S issue. Hence the letter and follow up visit.

You can't blame them for that, especially given the events elsewhere on the town reported in the Press this week. The guys did say that vanloads of rubbish had left that house and the tenant simply replaced it with more rubbish. Very frustrating for them.

The HA have procedures that must be followed and one of those procedures is a third visit. I did ask if it was essential as the problems weren't present on this visit, and they said it was, as it was a set procedure, which was fair enough. I did make the comment about their 'ticking boxes'.... not responded to.

Providing Pops keeps paying his rent and bedroom tax there is no pressure on him to move. At all. The garden was in good order, and the guys made appreciative noises.

The next visit should be a 5 minute formality and I know Pops will continue to declutter and keep tidy in the interim, which is what they want to see. Pops also got good advice from them on switching to a water meter.

On the teabag front, I took 40 Aldi Gold with me to Pops, have no idea what Pops drinks but that's what I drank! Will bring more if needed for next visit in 2 weeks.

[Deleted User]

Morning Toughies hope everyone slept well, I was woken up at 6 this morning by a huge lick from the lurcher who had manager to sneak up on to the bed in the night, awakeness came to the sight of a hairy black face with a big grin and a very waggy tail, I've woken up to worse things!!! The rain has gone but it still feels chilly, hopefully it will be a bit warmer today as I have some garden sorting to do, just general housework and taking out the last of a stand of cabbage which has just gone over and is looking sad. I'll use up all the middles and make my cabbage and sausage casserole which is tasty. I made a nice thing yesterday from the wartime era, a potato roll stuffed with savoury carrot filling and baked in the oven until it crisped on the outside. It was really simple ingredients but very savoury and tasty and I had it with some mushy peas that needed using up and gravy it was just the thing for such a cold and dismal day. I have another 3 portions so that's lunch today sorted and tomorrow and Monday. I walked the boy yesterday along the lane with the old Oak Trees and the tree surgeons have made a super job of the trees, well half of them, I assume the other half will be done this coming week. They have also taken out all the undergrowth and cleared the ditch beside them, it is a really well done job and I hope will give my old friends a further lease of life, they have had big branches fall and even a couple of the bigger old trees in the recent past, this trim might make them more stable and give them a longer lifespan, I certainly hope so. Sadness though as the plot they stand around was sold and they are currently taking down a lovely old bungalow that stood there to build a 5 bed detached jobbie, I always feel sad when things like that happen, but in commerce there is no sentiment and the builder didn't buy the plot to look at!!! Have a nice day everyone and I hope you all get a much dryer and warmer day too, goodness knows we'd all feel better if we did, Cheers Lyn xxx.