If you were me would you have another baby?

taylor1_2

Hi i say go for it i'm 30 and DH is 34 unfortunatley we can't have children i'm all ok it'd DH's swimmers that are the problem we have been through IVF twice with no sucess, we would like to try again but the money thing comes into it, don't hesitate i'm not being unkind when i say this but we are not getting any younger and you don't want regrets like we have, we put off having children till we felt we were in a responsible position but where did that get us older and chlidless,
Follow you heart we are only here once make the most of it.

black-saturn

Well we have decided this weekend not to go for it. If I have a baby at 39 it means we will be at the becon call of another child for at least 16 years so I'll be well into my 50's and he nearly in his 60's before we get our lives back again. We have decided to make the most of the ones we have and focus all our attentions on them.

astonsmummy

I was just about to post the same sort of thing BS, I mean dont get me wrong theres nothing wrong with older people having children but if it was me i doubt very much i'd even consider it, I found it hard to cope with the sleepless nights at 18, i dunno what i'd do at 38!
I was left @ 4 months pregnant and he fathered another one what was born 16 weeks after my son was born.
I would have to be with someone a pretty long time to trust anyone again, dont get me wrong i love my son and love being a mum but my dream was to have a nice family unit, which never happened and tbh probably never will.
I do want more children though but i'd rather a bigish age gap say of at least 5 or 6 years.
Before i had my son i was so desperate for a baby that i went into the whole situation with rose coloured glasses, but i wouldn't change a single thing as i think it has made me a stronger person in the long run.
Your lucky to have found someone again BS, enjoy your time together and just think when your girls are all grown up you and hubby will have alll that time for you to just do exactly what you want x

inkie

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Hi i say go for it i'm 30 and DH is 34 unfortunatley we can't have children i'm all ok it'd DH's swimmers that are the problem we have been through IVF twice with no sucess, we would like to try again but the money thing comes into it

,

Artificial insemination by donor?

ginger

Black saturn - I've been reading this thread with great interest. And while I respect your decision, please think about this carefully. I am nearly 44 - my dd is 15 and my ds 10 - and ever since ds was born I have wanted another baby. I had pre eclampsia with both and we were "advised" not to have any more so dh had the snip soon after ds born. We've learnt a lot since, such as "advice" might have been hasty/misguided or whatever. I am reaching the age when I will have no choice in the matter - until then I agonise over whether to tell dh that i REALLY want another baby. Logically I know that it would be foolish, but emotionally I can't help how I feel. I think what I am trying to say is that sometimes you have to go with your heart and not your head. Whatever you eventually decide on, good luck and enjoy what you have - children are a blessing.

L

Tam_Lin

Sounds like you've made a mutual sensible decision, black-saturn. When you get together when you're older, with children already in the picture, it's a wonderful opportunity to enjoy your relationship without the added strain of a baby, medically and otherwise.

conradmum

ginger wrote: »

Black saturn - I've been reading this thread with great interest. And while I respect your decision, please think about this carefully. I am nearly 44 - my dd is 15 and my ds 10 - and ever since ds was born I have wanted another baby. I had pre eclampsia with both and we were "advised" not to have any more so dh had the snip soon after ds born. We've learnt a lot since, such as "advice" might have been hasty/misguided or whatever. I am reaching the age when I will have no choice in the matter - until then I agonise over whether to tell dh that i REALLY want another baby. Logically I know that it would be foolish, but emotionally I can't help how I feel. I think what I am trying to say is that sometimes you have to go with your heart and not your head. Whatever you eventually decide on, good luck and enjoy what you have - children are a blessing.

L

I'm so sorry for your predicament. It must be awful! Maybe you should bite the bullet and get your feelings out in the open? Otherwise you'll always regret having not said anything until it was too late, maybe?
I think from what BS has said she doesn't feel the same urge, and TBH I feel she's made the right decision. While children are a blessing, and I adore ds3, they are also a huge commitment and if you aren't desperate life is easier without them.

snowmaid

black-saturn wrote: »

Well we have decided this weekend not to go for it. If I have a baby at 39 it means we will be at the becon call of another child for at least 16 years so I'll be well into my 50's and he nearly in his 60's before we get our lives back again. We have decided to make the most of the ones we have and focus all our attentions on them.

I think you may have made the right decisions for you, especially with the fact that you each have children of your own.

You have your lives together and all the time to enjoy your children. At the moment my daughter who is 20 is pregnant with our first grandchild. My youngest child is 8..! :rolleyes: We are looking forward to being able to spend time with the little baby and be able to return it to its mother!

shed_head_2

Life is too short and you only get one chance, We had a five year old when we decided that we wanted more children. Three years and five miscarriages later I was pregnant with severe pre eclampsia DS2 arrived 6 weeks early after a scarey time. DS3 came along totally unplanned and took us all by surprise so I have 12, 3 and 2 year old boys. Its hard to find things that the older one enjoys aswell as the little ones. But its wonderful having the little ones. I am about ready to leave the nappy stage behind and long for the days of freedom when OH and I could go out regularly and even had the odd weekend away on our own. At the same time I love family holidays at the beach with all of us digging sandcastles etc. Money is tight as I gave up work to be at home with the little ones. DS1 is into the realms of secondary age and its associated football boots etc.

I have to be honest there are occasions when I find myself wondering what we did, we could be on skiing holidays etc by now. At the same time I would not give them back for the world. I also still have an urge to have another one!!! OH says a very def NO! If it were me in your position I would do it and have another child.
I am rambling so going now.

I cannot have been concentrating this morning, (youngest was sat on my knee ill at time) anyhow I am glad you have come to a decision (missed that bit this morning). As I said above there are many occasions when I find myself sitting here wondering what we did having more kids. From many view points, financially, the effect on the odest, the huge change in our lives etc. At the same time I love them to bits and am so glad I had the chance to have them. Enjoy the relationship with the kids you have and build on it to create a happy and fulfilling family unit for the future. What I mean is enjoy!

Spendless

B-S. I think you have made the right decision for yourself. I agree with what ruthyjo has said, that I believe you would want to give the same level of committment to a new baby as you have to your girls, until the baby was at least a teenager and that would make you as you say mid 50s before you had more freedom to take a job outside the home for example. Enjoy the rest of your life with your OH. :beer: