If you were me would you have another baby?

bella4uk

At 38...what if it doesn't happen, will you get obessesed with the, am I, am I not......
You say you would love to know what it feels like to have a baby with someone who is equally excited, I'll say no more but I know what you mean, but I imagine you don't know what it feels like to be truly loved.....it's your time now, enjoy each other...is my opinion
But it sounds like whatever you decide will be just fine.

pavlovs_dog

think of all the baby comps you could enter

on a serious note, why not give married life a try and see how you feel before setting your heart on something that may not ultimately be right for you. sounds as if you'd embrace it if it were to happen accidentally (rather than see it as a negative thing), but are not sure whether its something you actively want to make happen. in which case there's always the option of leaving it up to fate.

how do the girls feel about the idea? have you discussed it with them?

in_my_wellies

Follow your heart - don't live with the regret either way.

lynzpower

I dont know if Ive got the right end of the stick here, but I remeber that you were doing a travel course? ( did you finish it yet) if so/not what are your plans with this, did you do it for fun, or for a new career? I know you are a survovor tho, so whether you had a baby in tow Im certain you could juggle everything as you have done so well in the past.

I remember your OH lived up london, is this still the case, will you be living together after the wedding and so on.?

Ultimately, of course its down to you, but if i were in your shoes, I probably would but only if it meant that everything werent left to me & I would get to
work part time to use the skills Id worked so hard for. At your age, and knwing you have raised your kids at home for such a long time, Id want to be in the jobs market, at least for a few years, so if OH could look after the little one whilst I was at work and you could both work and look after the kids on rota then this would be my solution. I wouldnt give up wiork for kids, and I wouldnt give up kids for work, but if I could find a happy medium then thats what Id do if I were in your shoes

conradmum

Same position here. Ds3 was born when Ds1 was 14 and Ds2 was 11.
Don't underestimate the HUGE impact having a baby has on your life and relationship. Ds3 tested our relationship quite strongly, but it has also cemented it. But then ds3 was a VERY difficult baby.
It's so hard to say! There's no doubt that ds3 very seriously cramps our style - the usual loss of freedom, just when you're starting to get it back again. And yet he is an absolute joy and we both get a huge amount of pleasure out of him. But there's no doubt that you are effectively electing to live the next 20 years of your life with the same constraints as the last 15 or so. It's not just your social life, it's your working life, possibly your health (those sleepless nights really take their toll when you're 40!) and definitely your finances.
Would I do it again? Yes. But I was incredibly broody and thoroughly miserable - it took us two years to conceive - and if I hadn't had that third child it would have negatively affected the rest of my life. Having said that, at the time I wanted a fourth too, but the experience of having the third put paid to that!

black-saturn

Thanks for your replies everyone. Yes my HTB does live 120 miles away but he will be moving here in about a years time. His daugther is staying on in London as she doesn't like it here (it's boring apparantly).

I'm almost at the end of a travel and tourism course (one assignment left to do) but now I have that qualification it will stay with me for life so I can use it at any time.

I'm going to have a long chat with him this weekend and settle it once and for all.

nats3006

All i say is go for it you only live once!!
good luck
xxx

snowmaid

black-saturn wrote: »

Thanks for your replies everyone. Yes my HTB does live 120 miles away but he will be moving here in about a years time. His daugther is staying on in London as she doesn't like it here (it's boring apparantly).

I'm almost at the end of a travel and tourism course (one assignment left to do) but now I have that qualification it will stay with me for life so I can use it at any time.

I'm going to have a long chat with him this weekend and settle it once and for all.

Had one of you not already have children then I would say by all means go for it. But seeing that you each already have, albeit not together, why not just enjoy eachother? Why go back to nappy duty, teething, sleepless nights etc when your lives are now your own, your kids are almost off your hands and you have the time to enjoy eachother to the fullest. The 'romantic' idea of having kids together always sounds much nicer than reality!

I had 2 kids from my previous marriage, but hubby didn't. We had 6 years together before we took the plunge and had one of our own. Haven't regretted it for a minute, but I think we would have made a different choice had we each had children.

ruthyjo

I've seen lots of your posts on here about your sincere belief that children need a SAHM. I'm not trying to start a debate on that, but I do think if you would want to offer that same level of commitment to another LO (which I expect you would) you should think really carefully. You are committing yourself to another long period of being home centred and need to be sure that's what you really want. You could easily be 50 before any child you start planning now goes to secondary school and perhaps by that point some opportunities career wise really will have passed you by.

I've a six year gap between my older two and my DD. I am so pleased I've got her. It has been restricting whilst she was small not always being able to take the boys to things they wanted to do because they were inappropriate for her, but I guess you would not have that problem as your daughters are older still and probably do things independently.

I do know that I would have gone mad if I'd had another enforced five years at home though. Whilst her brothers were pre-schoolers I only worked a few hours a week, many of them in the evenings whilst their dad looked after them. When I had DD at 30 I just couldn't face carrying on like that and I'm afraid she went to fulltime nursery whilst I built up my career a bit.

chergar

If I was in your position and WANTED another child for the right reasons and not just because you feel you should have one together then yes I would go for it. You could always instead of 'actively' trying just 'see what happens' that way if it is meant to be it will and if not then nothing lost iykwim.