If you were me would you have another baby?

buxtonrabbitgreen

OK BlackSaturn I have done this. Three husbands and 3 lots of kids.
Pros
You get to do fun kid stuff when you are older
you know whats in the top ten when you are in your 50s
you get help with new technology
you get enjoyment from thier pleasure
you get to show them how to climb trees, make sandcastles, ride a bike
By doing all the above you stay more physically active fit.
cons
you never get a hot cup of tea or finish reading a paper
your life is taken over by thier wants and needs for another 20 years
they will be embarrased by such an old parent at open evenings when they get to high school
older kids DO NOT make handy baby sitters as when they are old enough they want to go out themselves
It is almost impossible to find a day out or holiday which makes such disparate age groups happy
the older ones may feel pushed aside and deprived in financial ways
You will be kn*******ed a lot of the time

I am not sorry I had any of my kids and only now feel I am getting my life back at 53 though I don't feel it is too late personally. By the way I had my last LO at 40
The other thing to remember is that you have more chance of having a child with downs syndrome when you are older and will probably be offered amniocenticis (sp) and have to decide, if the worst was shown what you would do about it, knowing that you might have to bring up a disabled child well into your 60's. Would you want to do that? would you want to make the decision? Would you be able to? I don't mean to sound negative. After all I went ahead and did it any way and in retrospect, I would still make the same decision.

conradmum

ruthyjo wrote: »

I've seen lots of your posts on here about your sincere belief that children need a SAHM. I'm not trying to start a debate on that, but I do think if you would want to offer that same level of commitment to another LO (which I expect you would) you should think really carefully. You are committing yourself to another long period of being home centred and need to be sure that's what you really want. You could easily be 50 before any child you start planning now goes to secondary school and perhaps by that point some opportunities career wise really will have passed you by.

I've a six year gap between my older two and my DD. I am so pleased I've got her. It has been restricting whilst she was small not always being able to take the boys to things they wanted to do because they were inappropriate for her, but I guess you would not have that problem as your daughters are older still and probably do things independently.

I do know that I would have gone mad if I'd had another enforced five years at home though. Whilst her brothers were pre-schoolers I only worked a few hours a week, many of them in the evenings whilst their dad looked after them. When I had DD at 30 I just couldn't face carrying on like that and I'm afraid she went to fulltime nursery whilst I built up my career a bit.

I agree. Now I'm in my early forties I definitely feel as though I want to spend some time building a career and a decent pension, which is in conflict with the fact I have a 3 year old. When the older boys were young I didn't feel any conflict at all and was happy to sah for periods of time.
Don't forget even once they're in school the number of jobs you can do is seriously limited if you're doing the dropping off and picking up, so you're looking to being in your fifties before you can even embark on a serious career.
Another problem I've found is that teenagers can be very expensive, and mine aren't even demanding, but I scrimp and save to give them what they need because I can't work full time and pull in a decent wage. They've also had to be very patient with the fact that the needs of the littlest one, in terms of time and attention, often come first.

Snaggles

My midwife told me the other day 'If a Mum tells me she's definitely never having any more, she probably wont, but if she says she's not sure if she will have any more....she will'!

Good luck, whatever you decide!

Spendless

buxtonrabbitgreen wrote: »

cons
you never get a hot cup of tea or finish reading a paper
your life is taken over by thier wants and needs for another 20 years
they will be embarrased by such an old parent at open evenings when they get to high school
older kids DO NOT make handy baby sitters as when they are old enough they want to go out themselves
It is almost impossible to find a day out or holiday which makes such disparate age groups happy
the older ones may feel pushed aside and deprived in financial ways
You will be kn*******ed a lot of the time

Having had children in my mid 30s and also being 7 years older than my only sibling I agree with a lot of this post of cons. The only one i don't forsee for myself is about high school open evenings. I had my kids at 33 and 36 they are currently in nursery/infant school. I am a similar age to most parents at my kids school and am no way the eldest parent there. In contrast there are very few young mums at my childrens school. Perhaps this varies area to area, I don't know.

aeuerby

I am about to go through the whole thing.
My youngest has just turned 10, eldest is nearly 15 and I have found out I am pregnant again - I'm 35 this year .

It came as a small shock and I went through all the thoughts about loss of freedom, teething, terrible two's,lack of money, dodgy schools etc.

But really I am willing to go through with it all as I don't like the alternative.
If I had the choice I wouldn't have any more, but this one will be loved and wanted!

At the end of the day (sorry for the cliche!) no-one can make the choice but you and hubby to be!

emilyt

Yes definately go for it. If you are both happy and want another child it would definately be a welcome addition to your family. I am 38 now and still often talk about having another. My 2 DD's are 18 and 20.
Good Luck with what ever you decide.
Emilyx

truly1

I had DD at 38, after years of trying / miscarriages etc - DS is 13 years older ! Tried to have a third but just didnt happen.

Main question is, would you get to middle forties ( like me) and regret not having another or not having one with darling OH?

xx

ailuro2

How long would you try for if nothing happened at first?- 38 isn't a terrible age, but it isn't as easy, from all the figures.

I'd have loved another but it never happened,(37 now,dd 8yo) but what is the cut off point for still trying- will we only stop when we hit menopause,or well before then, because of the risk factor to the baby and mother's health?

If you both love all of your children then do you really need to have another?

I only say this because a family member wanted kids with her second husband after they married, but he decided they were happy with their new found freedom-after years of financial hardship as well as the work little kids require- (the kids from previous relationships were getting older)- so she very reluctantly agreed to go on the pill. Lo and behold within a year she was pregnant- he was gutted and felt betrayed, and sadly they split befire the baby's first birthday. You need to sit down with your other half and really talk honestly about whether you really want kids or not? House sieze, income, relationships with other kids all come into the equation too.
Very complicated question all round.Best of Luck,whatever happens.:D

Broken_hearted

I wouldn't you sound like your life needs time for you. Time to express who you are and build a career.

gingercordial

I would say not yet... You should have some time together first, enjoying your new relationship and not thinking/worrying about children. Maybe in two or three years time you could think about it again - I know by then you might decide you're too old (not that I think you would be) but I really do think it's important for you to enjoy each other for a while without thinking you need a baby together, especially since you are both already parents.