13 yr old daughter dating a 17yr old

rpc

mumps wrote: »

It would be classed as statutory rape in some countries. I think this is in the UK so would be USI, unlawful sexual intercourse, but of course we don't know if intercourse took place. The OP certainly didn't mention it.

The offence would be Sexual Activity with a Child under section 9 of the Sexual Offences Act 2003. That would apply for intercourse or other sexual touching. Being under 18, he would be prosecuted under section 13 which has lesser sentences.

Abuse of position of trust (as defined in section 21) does not apply as it is not a defined position of trust, nor is the elder individual over 18.

fedupnow

bonjovibel_729 wrote: »

i hope my dd has learnt not to give herself so willingly and i have also learnt how to deal with these situations having another dd whose 9 will be useful in the future....

Delighted you're happy with the outcome and it has given you the opportunity to discuss boundaries with your daughter. But try not to forget she told him to stop. Be proud of her for that and tell her so. She has shown confidence and maturity - good for her.

Also, don't think too badly of this lad. She was a willing participant before she told him to stop. And he stopped when she asked. They are both learning.

I do think your daughter's biggest lesson in all this is never, but NEVER, trust her step-sis again. I do hope your ex has told the step-sis to not blab about it all over the shop.

mumps

rpc wrote: »

The offence would be Sexual Activity with a Child under section 9 of the Sexual Offences Act 2003. That would apply for intercourse or other sexual touching. Being under 18, he would be prosecuted under section 13 which has lesser sentences.

Abuse of position of trust (as defined in section 21) does not apply as it is not a defined position of trust, nor is the elder individual over 18.

Thanks for that, I stopped working for Police prior to 2003 so obviously a bit out of date. So glad it didn't change to statutory rape, so American sounding to me and always grates with me.

I didn't think it would be classed as a position of trust, like I said he is just a kid at cadets.

Buellguy

mumps wrote: »

Thanks for that, I stopped working for Police prior to 2003 so obviously a bit out of date. So glad it didn't change to statutory rape, so American sounding to me and always grates with me.

I didn't think it would be classed as a position of trust, like I said he is just a kid at cadets.

To the forces it's a bit different - chain of command stuff, he is still, even though it's just cadets, her superior, therefore shouldn't be in this position (ps 22 years in)

mumps

Buellguy wrote: »

To the forces it's a bit different - chain of command stuff, he is still, even though it's just cadets, her superior, therefore shouldn't be in this position (ps 22 years in)

My kids were in cadets, I never saw the kids in cadets who were corporals as equivalent to the corporals and sergeants who were professional soldiers/airmen (different kids two in Army Cadets and one in ATC) The younger cadets didn't see them as the same either judging by how they behaved with them. Maybe it was different as this was based at school so the older cadets were pupils at the same school but the younger ones (well mine anyway) would be no more likely to be abused by them than by any other spotty 6th former.

sharnad

Torry_Quine wrote: »

That's good to hear.

Good let's hope he never does it to another girl.

Buellguy

mumps wrote: »

My kids were in cadets, I never saw the kids in cadets who were corporals as equivalent to the corporals and sergeants who were professional soldiers/airmen (different kids two in Army Cadets and one in ATC) The younger cadets didn't see them as the same either judging by how they behaved with them. Maybe it was different as this was based at school so the older cadets were pupils at the same school but the younger ones (well mine anyway) would be no more likely to be abused by them than by any other spotty 6th former.

No they aren't the same as the instructors, but it is what should be getting drilled into them - chain of command, he is a cadet full screw, he should be getting taught not to have a relationship (not getting into the appropriateness) with someone in the (his) chain of command

geoffky

Oh dear..So many of you do not have a clue what your children are up to...My 14yrs old has told us about some of her friends and there are many of them who have been having sex since 12yrs old..And this is a very affluent school where the little angels live pampered lives..but have party's most weekends...

My 14 yr old has a 16 yr old boyfriend and she is very clued up on things as i have always been open with her about her body and the choices she has.
I have also pointed out that if she has sex and the lad gets found out what the consequences could be for him regarding her being 14 and him 16..
Can i stop them having sex ? Can i hell. But i can educate them into having safe sex...She tells me she is not even considering it and all i can do is hope that she waits..

mumps

geoffky wrote: »

Oh dear..So many of you do not have a clue what your children are up to...My 14yrs old has told us about some of her friends and there are many of them who have been having sex since 12yrs old..And this is a very affluent school where the little angels live pampered lives..but have party's most weekends...

My 14 yr old has a 16 yr old boyfriend and she is very clued up on things as i have always been open with her about her body and the choices she has.
I have also pointed out that if she has sex and the lad gets found out what the consequences could be for him regarding her being 14 and him 16..
Can i stop them having sex ? Can i hell. But i can educate them into having safe sex...She tells me she is not even considering it and all i can do is hope that she waits..

Sounds a very sensible approach and you seem to have good communication with her. I always let mine know that if they were going to have sex then safe sex was really important. They all seemed to understand but I don't know if they waited or if they always had safe sex but they have all reached an age, 20+, where I can relax as much as a parent ever can and trust their judgement.

mumps

Buellguy wrote: »

No they aren't the same as the instructors, but it is what should be getting drilled into them - chain of command, he is a cadet full screw, he should be getting taught not to have a relationship (not getting into the appropriateness) with someone in the (his) chain of command

Well that might be fine for 2 hrs a week at cadets but the rest of the week they were all school kids doing what school kids do, good and bad, without any regard to what the army might think about it. I suppose there might be some kids who are thinking about a career in the military but for most it is just a fun after school activity.

I don't think the local Police will have much regard to the army view of the chain of command either, well not in my experience. I can just imagine the front office man's view of someone coming in to complain that their 13 year old was out with a 17 year old, he tried it on, she said no and he stopped. When you think of the response when kids were asking for help when a group of taxi drivers were abusing them for years, sorry can't remember if it was Bradford, what do you think they would do in this case?