13 yr old daughter dating a 17yr old

Faith177

thehappybutterfly wrote: »

Isn't that the best way though? Practice makes perfect and all that. That's what first sex should be about - finding things out along the way, a voyage of discovery etc etc. Being given too much information about anything takes something away from learning about stuff yourself.

I discussed this thread with my 15YO daughter this morning on the way to school and she was telling me about sex education she received when she was in P6 (I knew she had had it, just not exactly what info she got) - part of this was a class full of 10 year olds watching a DVD of a woman giving birth. And they saw and heard everything. That's way too traumatic for a 10YO. Hell, I can't watch a woman give birth and I've done it myself twice!

10 year olds do NOT need to know about sex. Basic human biology of course - what boobs are, what boys have that girls don't, what body changes they can expect as they grow etc. But leave the issue of sexual activity until they're old enough to handle it.

I don't think having too much information is a bad thing being forwarned is being forarmed and all that.

Yes it's great to learn things by yourself but that's where the problems start you need a little bit of an understanding of what to expect. Otherwise you end up with a bunch of teenagers exchanging urban ledgends amongst themselves.

We have all heard these urban ledgends at some points in our lives but if a teenager hasn't been told the basic facts how are they going to know to ignore them?

I don't consider watching a birthing video sex education and I agree I wouldn't show a video like that till they were 13+. Sex education at that age should be laying down the fundimentals ie basics of what it's all about puberty ect and not just linked to sex but others things teaching them how to say no and to ignore peer pressure. As the person gets older dependant on the gender they are given more information gradually building up their understanding in time for them hitting 12-13.

Tropez

Faith177 wrote: »

Sex education at that age should be laying down the fundimentals ie basics of what it's all about puberty ect

That's fair and I definitely agree about educating children about puberty before they will reach it. We didn't get taught about puberty until an age when it was perfectly feasible that some of us, if not the majority of us, had already hit puberty.

I had pubic hair before anyone else in my class which was noticed by some of the other boys who then taunted me for having hair down there because none of the others did. I felt like a freak. None of us had been taught that this was perfectly normal.

Lotus-eater

peachyprice wrote: »

You were curious at a much younger age than 10?

The honest answer is, I don't know. Maybe not at a much younger age. Certainly around then, I knew I was interested, but it was confusing.

Being interested in sex early runs in me and my siblings, so I fully expect my kids to do it too. My DD is 9 and gets answered pretty honestly by me, any questions she may have.

Some kids are interested very early and some aren't.

Faith177

Tropez wrote: »

That's fair and I definitely agree about educating children about puberty before they will reach it. We didn't get taught about puberty until an age when it was perfectly feasible that some of us, if not the majority of us, had already hit puberty.

I had pubic hair before anyone else in my class which was noticed by some of the other boys who then taunted me for having hair down there because none of the others did. I felt like a freak. None of us had been taught that this was perfectly normal.

I had something similer I was wearing a bra by the time I was in yr 5 I was about 8-9ish give or take. This lead to a number of unwanted comments and a lot of spitfulness from other girls because I was diffrent.

Yes children should be allowed a childhood but they shouldn't be wrapped up in cotton wool and kept in the dark. When has that course of action helped anyone

peachyprice

Alikay wrote: »

Did you never play "Doctors and Nurses" in someone's shed or wendy house? Was certainly a common game when I was growing up in the 60's ....if anything that sort of thing is less common now, as kids don't have the freedom to play away from adult eyes so much these days.

Not with any sexual connotation, no.

thehappybutterfly

Lotus-eater wrote: »

The honest answer is, I don't know. Maybe not at a much younger age. Certainly around then, I knew I was interested, but it was confusing.

Being interested in sex early runs in me and my siblings, so I fully expect my kids to do it too. My DD is 9 and gets answered pretty honestly by me, any questions she may have.

Some kids are interested very early and some aren't.

I find that disturbing. Kids should be interested in toys, and cartoons, and comic books, and playing games at that age. Not getting curious about what is an adult activity. Which can be painful, emotionally and physically, and best left until they're emotionally ready to commit their body and most intimate feelings to someone else.

I confess to having sexual feelings from a young age but not to the extent that I was interested in having physical sex with other people. Self exploration was my limit. I fancied boys but not in that way - it was very innocent. I had crushes from afar (and still do!) but NEVER let anyone, least of all the boy in question, know about it. Not until I left school and started working and became an adult in my own mind.

ETA : And I never played doctors and nurses. I'd have been battered 50 shades of purple and blue! We played 'chip shop' with twigs and stones and wrapped them into 'suppers'!

Faith177

Lotus-eater wrote: »

The honest answer is, I don't know. Maybe not at a much younger age. Certainly around then, I knew I was interested, but it was confusing.

Being interested in sex early runs in me and my siblings, so I fully expect my kids to do it too. My DD is 9 and gets answered pretty honestly by me, any questions she may have.

Some kids are interested very early and some aren't.

thehappybutterfly wrote: »

I find that disturbing. Kids should be interested in toys, and cartoons, and comic books, and playing games at that age. Not getting curious about what is an adult activity. Which can be painful, emotionally and physically, and best left until they're emotionally ready to commit their body and most intimate feelings to someone else.

I confess to having sexual feelings from a young age but not to the extent that I was interested in having physical sex with other people. Self exploration was my limit. I fancied boys but not in that way - it was very innocent. I had crushes from afar (and still do!) but NEVER let anyone, least of all the boy in question, know about it. Not until I left school and started working and became an adult in my own mind.

ETA : And I never played doctors and nurses. I'd have been battered 50 shades of purple and blue! We played 'chip shop' with twigs and stones and wrapped them into 'suppers'!

I don't think the poster meant that they were having sex or engaging in sexual activities at a young age I read it as they were interested in finding out about sex at a young age i.e they had an inquisitive mind.

Or have I misunderstood?

thehappybutterfly

Faith177 wrote: »

I don't think the poster meant that they were having sex or engaging in sexual activities at a young age I read it as they were interested in finding out about sex at a young age i.e they had an inquisitive mind.

Or have I misunderstood?

No, that's the way I picked it up too - they were interested. But that's bad enough in my view.

Maybe I'm just a boring old prude but I know what fantasies run in my mind so I don't think I am!

Lotus-eater

Faith177 wrote: »

I don't think the poster meant that they were having sex or engaging in sexual activities at a young age I read it as they were interested in finding out about sex at a young age i.e they had an inquisitive mind.

Or have I misunderstood?

No, you're dead right.

thehappybutterfly wrote: »

No, that's the way I picked it up too - they were interested. But that's bad enough in my view.

How can that be bad enough, I don't understand. When you are interested in something, you just are. Kids are interested in most adult activities. My DS 3, loves helping me fix my motorbike and if he knew what was going on in our bedroom, he'd jolly well be interested in that as well.

As for you being disturbed that me and my siblings were all interested in sex early and me presuming my kids might be the same.....I would prefer to wonder that and to keep an eye on them, rather than stuffing any thoughts of speaking to them about sex until they are 14 under the sofa.

Faith177

thehappybutterfly wrote: »

No, that's the way I picked it up too - they were interested. But that's bad enough in my view.

Maybe I'm just a boring old prude but I know what fantasies run in my mind so I don't think I am!

So when is it "acceptable" for kids to become interested in their bodies and what happens to it. If a kid is naturally inquistive about science ect then they will want to know more sooner.

I would prefer my child to be well educated in these things than leaving them to gain their education in the playground