New mum- am I being unreasonable

podperson

The 'passing around' wouldn't bother me too much - you have took the baby over there to see them so it's natural for them all to want a cuddle. But the saying things about you being a bad mother is most definately not on and she needs telling that this is completely unacceptable! As others have mentioned maybe speak to your OH about it as she may be more likely to take notice if it's coming from him.

DUKE

No your MIL's the unreasonable one. I spent years trying to get on with my ex MOL (although I had no kids), eventually I tired of her treating me like I'd just crawled out the gutter & I broke all contact with her. Maybe you could have a word with your husband & then speak to her either together or on your own, telling her that her behaviour is not acceptable & that you wont tolerate it. Good Luck!

POPPYOSCAR

What does your husband say about all this?

ziggy2004

I take issue with anyone claiming a right to our children. They are human beings not toys.

My MIL ( and my dad too actually) have said some outrageous stuff but I firmly and politely set them straight. ' I can see we are not going to agree, thank you for your input but as his parents we will be making the decisions'.

Holding a child on a visit if a child is happy is fair enough, taking said child out of the room and whispering nasty stuff is just crazy and in my opinion needs to be dealt with straight away.

sunshinetours

Time for OH to grow a pair I am assuming here......? I would imagone certain cultural difference must be hard to handle at times - you are baby's mother so you and OH make the decisions

Pollycat

I think your MIL sounds like a real nasty piece of work.

But I think it is your husband who you need to ask if you are being unreasonable not to want your MIL to babysit.

Even if you had every member of MSE in agreement that you're not being unreasonable but he wants his mum to babysit - where does that leave you?

In the knowledge that a lot of strangers agree with you but that may not cut it with your husband.

If you haven't spoken to him about it, I think you should do.
If you have spoken to him, let us know what he thinks.

If he agrees with you, you have the backup to say 'no' to her (and it doesn't really matter what we think on here).
If he doesn't agree with you, no amount of us saying you're not being unreasonable is likely to change his mind.

fluffnutter

Poppyblue wrote: »

When I am in my inlaws company they want to take my little one from me and pass her about between them.

< This is OK. It's nice for babies to be cuddled by lots of (friendly!) people. They're her family after all >

I have caught my MIL whispering in my little ones ear stuff about me not being a good mum and not letting her see the baby (she sees her weekly).

< This isn't OK >

She also does not listen to a word I say re how I wish my baby handled.

< Nor is this >

Poppyblue wrote: »

There is history between me and my mother in law (we are different religions and it all blew up at our wedding)

< This is the crux of your problem >

You're not being unreasonable. This is for your husband to sort out. Speak to him.

meer53

My ex MIL once stopped speaking to us for over 4 years. She rang me and told me that she didn't think i fed my son properly. I simply put the phone down after i said i would accept her apology when she was ready. She never apologised. We only started speaking again because FIL had a heart attack.

I'd ask your OH to make it clear that you're not prepared to tolerate her behaviour. It's his mother, let him sort it out. If he doesn't then i'm afraid it's up to you.

Poppyblue_2

Thankyou so much for all your replies. I'm finding it really daunting motherhood to be honest despite being in my early thirties and having an okay job... I take my hat off to younger mums who manage it!

My OH suggested that she babysat this weekend but when I became upset about it he said we should leave it till when I am ready. I don't know when that will be though. The thought of my MIL feeding the baby makes me feel sick.

OH has a pretty terrible relationship with his mum and they frequently argue. I always try to stay out of it apart from when she is nasty to me or about my family (ie my parents and siblings). I now ignore her when it comes to religion. The baby is being brought up in my religion and she has already said her piece on this to me. I would hate for my little one to hear an argument like this growing up though.

I was unable to breast feed (which I was really upset about) and decided that only me and my husband should feed the baby. I have heard MIL saying that this is my was of keeping the baby close to me which I suppose it is. MIL also thinks I should be starting the baby on solids and tells me so and so has already started on solids with her four month old etc. I just ignore this as have been given medical advice to wait till six months but its upsetting to be constantly underminded.

My OH would gladly visit less but I feel guilty as my parents see the baby most days (they are going to babysit when I go back to work) and push the issue for a visit. Maybe I am creating an expectation?

The passing around just upsets me as the moment I pass the baby over she is taken out of the room and out of my sight. I then hear her crying in another room and have to send my husband or go through myself to calm her down.

custardy

PinkLipgloss wrote: »

If I heard my MIL whisper such comments in my son's ear then I'd firmly but politely tell her that it's completely unacceptable and if it happened again then she would not be seeing him again.

same
Her behaviour needs addressed now