New mum- am I being unreasonable

Poppyblue_2

My baby is five months old now and was very underweight when she was born. My difficulty is with my husbands family esp his mother.

There is history between me and my mother in law (we are different religions and it all blew up at our wedding) but she has always seen herself as a 'natural mother' and now grandmother and feels that she knows best about everything.

When I am in my inlaws company they want to take my little one from me and pass her about between them. Pretty much as soon as we get to their house they take her and I have to follow them from room to room to see where she is. I have caught my MIL whispering in my little ones ear stuff about me not being a good mum and not letting her see the baby (she sees her weekly). She also does not listen to a word I say re how I wish my baby handled.

MIL now wants to babysit the baby and I can't even bear to think about it. I have left the baby with my mum but every time I think of leaving the baby with MIL I feel sick. Am I being unreasonable?

19lottie82

not really tbh. you shouldn't feel forced in to leaving your children with anyone that you don't feel comfortable with. What does your OH say?

averagemummy

Have you talked to your OH about this? What does he think - is he really close to his family?

I don't have a good relationship with my MIL and she has never babysit my kids. Actually she has never offered as she doesn't like kids (despite having her own) !

Sometimes you have to just grit your teeth and visit - but perhaps not that often?

Some of the things did ring alarm bells though - I would not tolerate anyone whispering things about me to my kids. That is just not on. It sounds like she is trying to undermine you as a mother; and that may get worse as little ones gets older.

juliebunny

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. As a new mother, of course you are full of protective feelings towards your new baby.
This woman sounds awful.
What does your husband say about it? If he doesn't step in quickly, this is only going to get worse.....

PinkLipgloss

If I heard my MIL whisper such comments in my son's ear then I'd firmly but politely tell her that it's completely unacceptable and if it happened again then she would not be seeing him again.

Mojisola

Poppyblue wrote: »

I have caught my MIL whispering in my little ones ear stuff about me not being a good mum and not letting her see the baby (she sees her weekly). She also does not listen to a word I say re how I wish my baby handled.

MIL now wants to babysit the baby and I can't even bear to think about it. I have left the baby with my mum but every time I think of leaving the baby with MIL I feel sick. Am I being unreasonable?

No! I would feel the same. I would go for carefully supervised visits and no babysitting. You have to be able to trust the person you're leaving your baby with.

dibuzz

My MIL was the same, we always had to go for Sunday dinner and as soon as my eldest was on solids she wanted to make him a portion but I insisted on making my own and taking it with me.
I couldn't get her to understand that she used far too much salt for me, never mind a young baby.
She also gave him sweets and chocolate well before I wanted him to try them and never kept to his routine then wondered why I didn't want her to babysit.
You are not being unreasonable but there is no easy solution to the problem.

Georgia_Pa

I don't know if this woman decided to class herself as Mother Theresa but you don't have to do anything you don't want to. You are an adult, this is your own life, these are your own choices, and you don't have to put up with this!
You haven't mentioned what the situation with your OH is in all this, but I would ask him to tell her off so you don't come across as the bad one, as I suspect you usually are from where she is concerned. MILS!!

LEJC

PinkLipgloss wrote: »

If I heard my MIL whisper such comments in my son's ear then I'd firmly but politely tell her that it's completely unacceptable and if it happened again then she would not be seeing him again.

Absolutely......


There does come a time when you will feel that its time to allow someone else to look after your baby...i didnt want to let mine out of my sight when he was born...but after a while you do feel as if you need a bit if me time or a night out,so the offer of babysitting does become more appealing....and family are a great help you have hopefully seen the benefit with your family and possibly you will need to have your husbands family integrated into your plans too.

but you need to make it very clear to your mother in law that whilst it is indeed her grandchild that does not give her the right to undermine you or speak of you in a derisory fashion in the presence of your child....or better still have her son tell her politely but firmly of your decisions,that way I think you will find she will be a little more welcoming towards you.

tesuhoha

My mother in law was a bit like that, though she was English. The one and only time we had her to babysit we came home to find my daughters babygro soaked to the skin with milk. MIL couldn't see very well and she had put the bottle down the baby's neck instead of into her mouth.

At least it proved to my husband that she was not the supernan she made herself out to be.

sassyblue

Poppyblue wrote: »

I have caught my MIL whispering in my little ones ear stuff about me not being a good mum and not letting her see the baby (she sees her weekly). She also does not listen to a word I say re how I wish my baby handled.

MIL now wants to babysit the baby and I can't even bear to think about it. I have left the baby with my mum but every time I think of leaving the baby with MIL I feel sick. Am I being unreasonable?

Erm, NO you're not being unreasonable. :eek: You don't have to leave your daughter with anyone if you don't want to.

As the other poster said, if l caught my MIL whispering that to my baby she would be warned that she wouldn't even be visiting again if she can't keep her mouth shut.

Isn't it easy not to let her babysit? You only have to say there's nowhere you want to go? If you go to work and she wants to take over your mums babysitting tell her baby is settled at your mums and you are reluctant to change.

What does your husband says about all this? You may need him to have some serious words with his mother - as another poster said l can only see trouble ahead with this bossy boots.