New mum- am I being unreasonable

midnightraven3

i am less benevolent than thatgirlsam, i couldnt accept someone undermining me, and whispering things like that in my childs ear

whispering like that about their mum is poisonous, completely and utterly
what happens when your little one is 5 or 6 years old and understand that completely? or 3 or 4 and is frightened hearing that?

nope sorry
she had her chance, and she blew it
since your husband isnt bothered one way or another, i certainly wouldnt be

being a new mum is enormous enough without so called family being like that

barbiedoll

sooty&sweep wrote: »

Hi

Does your MIL realise that her behaviour is unacceptable ? Is there anyone who you trust that she gets on with who could talk to her ?
It sounds like you want to have contact with your MiL and she obviously wants to have contact with you.

In terms of feeding the guidance does seem to keep changing on a regular basis. There is 5 years between my two and my eldest is nearly 12. When he was born the guidance was to introduce solids at four months when my daughter was born it had changed to six months. When I asked a female doctor about it she refused to comment because when her children were born it was three months ! My mum told me that when I was a baby it was normal to wean a baby on the runny yolk from a boiled egg, totally taboo these days !
I'm not trying to defend your MIL but older people do tend to think it was OK for mine and so why isn't it OK for yours ? Can you tell her that you've been told you MUST do these things by your Doctor ???

This is undoubtedly true, my brother (now 45) was weaned at 6 weeks old because he couldn't keep any milk down. Now, I daresay that he'd be investigated for allergies, reflux etc etc. The advice does change all the time, I have lots of conversations with grandmothers who moan about this. As I always say, the advice given now is the result of up-to-date research, if new studies show different results, the advice will change accordingly. If it wasn't for new research, we'd still be giving women routine enemas during childbirth, and we'd still be recommending that they smoke to "keep their weight down"! :eek:

Nicki

Completely unreasonable

She ruined your wedding with a racist rant
She's dripping poison in the ear of your 5 month child about you already
She's undermining your parenting decisions without your consent

and your husband doesn't even like her! I wouldn't be giving her the time of day, much less giving her repeated opportunities to be a cowbag.

nickj_2

why are you giving this woman the time of day to interfere with your lives , she's undermining you and just sounds like an ignorant manipulative bully , don't let her treat you like this, say it's my way or no way

Person_one

I was sort of in your daughter's position, my dad's mother is a nasty piece of work who treated my mother like something stuck to the bottom of her shoe.

I haven't missed out at all by having zero relationship with her, neither will your daughter.

Winter_Jasmine

I agree with pretty much all of what's been said by previous posters. If your parents in law want to see their granddaughter, why can't they visit you? At least then you'd be on your home turf, rather than them having the upper hand.

Other than that, I think your mil sounds awful, she seems determined to impress her will on you and your child even when it involves making her grandaughter cry. Stuff her, quite frankly.

MarilynMonroe_2

You sound like you have pretty good instincts, and something is telling you that leaving your abby with her is not right, so stick up for yourself. Your baby is still young and if you dont want them passed around, just say you'ld rather you held them.

You might push peoples noses out of joint but tough, its important that you feel comfortable especially in the first year. The first year with my daughter was terrible in lots of respects, in the end I had nothing to do with any family on either side and by year 2 and 3 it's been a lot better!
My problems were more with my mam than MIL, she said i was starving her by breast feeding and she wouldnt leave the hospital room so I could get her to latch even though I had no problems when she wasnt there, so I bottle fed in panic, then she said I was choking her, turned out she didnt want me to breast feed cos she wanted to feed my daughter... at one point she said ''there's loads of things I could say you're doing wrong'' ... I don't believe I did anything wrong! In the end I stopped seeing her altogether for nearly 2 years.
She ruined a lot of that first year, I'll never forgive her. Do yourself the biggest favour, and either tell your MIL straight out or stop seeing her if she's going to intefere.
I'm an older mam too xx

Pollycat

fluffnutter wrote: »

If someone gives my baby solids before I think he's ready I'll shoot them.

Ot tie them down and force feed them a gallon of baby formula.

Counting_Pennies_2

I feel for you it is hard.

Firstly to deal with an inlaw who you feel is against you, and secondly dealing with sharing your baby with someone who you would sooner not.

The only thing I would say though, it is normal for inlaws and parents and indeed others around you to suggest things when there is a baby in the house. Breastfeeding, weaning to solids, potty training, childcare, the list goes on and on. So I would not necessarily demonise the MIL for this as this is sadly the norm for most new mums. You don't have to listen to it though, although for sanity purposes, it might be wise to smile and thank them for the advice and just ignore it!

They also do rightly see the baby as their flesh and blood.

That is however where they stop.

They don't have rights over the baby, they don't have to visit you.

If they upset you on their weekly visits, then reduce them, find an excuse not to have them round, if necessary reduce the visits to once a fortnight, then once a month.

However, if they are beneficial to be around then you know how much to have them round.

I felt very upset when my inlaws took my baby out for a walk while I was upstairs in their house having a nap. It felt like kidnap at the time, to come down and find baby gone. But years on I look back and see it was a proud grandparent taking their son's child out for a walk, just like they did with their son.

They might just be wanting to nurture and love their grandchild, and remember all the lovely times they had with their child. They do however, need to remember that this is your child.

So all I would say is try hard to see from both sides. It sounds like there are justified tensions, however, if you are looking to keep a harmonious relationship with them. Give them a little slack. Remember to pick the important fights, and for something that really is not necessary to do battle on, don't.

CH27

By insisting on visiting them when your OH doesn't want to you are giving this woman the power to upset & undermine you.
I would let your OH decide when he wants to visit them.