Can I do this?? :(

Dunroamin

supernatural619 wrote: »

Does no one like staying at home these days to look after their children? I have 2 children and I am a full time mum as I wouldn't miss a single thing in their lives. I couldn't stand someone else spending more time bringing my children up than me.

Would you not consider taking time off while they are so young?

Being a SAHP is a perfectly reasonable option if you have a partner to support you. It shouldn't be a choice if you're relying on state benefits part of which will be funded by other parents who might well like to have this choice but who know they can't afford it.

gardenia101

nannytone wrote: »

yes it does happen.

but it seems to happen time and again to the same people.

they have however many kids, and each one was unplanned.

just saying that its odd that the majority iof people plan their families, and manage to avoid more than one 'accident'

possibly the reason for serial accidents is that contraception isnt used or used incorrectly

I have had 2 genuine contraception failures so it does happen & I get quite annoyed when people suggest I haven't tried hard enough not to get pregnant. I was taking the pill correctly (2 different types & I worked in pharmacy so I do know how to take them :rotfl:) but still conceived. I'd also tried a diaphragm & condoms but developed irritation so was advised to stop using latex products. So I got done & that has worked for me :T

princessdon wrote: »

In my defence for my youngest it was partly my fault. When the hospital say you need to have a "check" for "swimmers" following a said operation. It is best to have that check :eek:

My friend had her husband done, but 4 checks & 7 months later he was still producing - so she had to be done aswell.

princessdon wrote: »

....In addition, many working parents worked hard for their career, why go to Uni if all you are going to do is stay home? it is very different giving up a career and something you worked hard for to a dead end job.

Next - what happens if the man is no longer around or can't support the family? Many reasons why that happens - that family is then on full benefits with little chance of getting a job. I know I can support my family (without benefits) if the worst came to worst....

I continued to knacker myself trying to keep up with a job I loved & had worked hard at to get on before I had my (unplanned) children. My health gave way in the end & now I don't work in the same area & have a dead end job on less money than I was earning 20 years ago. But at least I'm working & realise how lucky I am.

My ex left some years before, so I've gone from being on a decent wage (even if I did spend most of it on childcare ) to being on benefits to working & just getting CB/CTC/WTC. I would advise any woman to make sure they have a plan for what they will do if their OP suddenly isn't around/contributing.

As already posted by Princessdon - I'm also finding it harder now my 2 are older (10 & almost 13) than I ever did when they were little & in after school clubs/childminders, & I spend far more time running around now than I did before. OP - how much family/friends support do you have as that can make a huge difference? I do have a few friends with 3+ children but they all have supportive families nearby & OHs that pull their weight, & even then they comment on how tired they are & how it only takes 1 thing to make it all come crashing down. They are all super organised & are usually seen with the mother of all lists.....

Pollycat

AimeesMummy wrote: »

My ex partner actually lied to me about the cancer, hence the reason that we split up.

Just to go back to the issue of your ex's testicular cancer - you said this 2 years ago:

My partner can't look after my daughter reliably as he has testicular cancer and regularly is in and out of hospital or at check ups...however, I seem to be confused as to how this is your business :S

so did you never accompany him to out-patient check-ups or visit him during one of his stays in hospital for this alleged cancer?

Did you really just take his word that he had cancer?

AimeesMummy

It wasn't a case of just taking his word. I was heavily pregnant, working forty hours a week and looking after a 2yr old. He didn't want me to go to any of his check ups and refused to let me go along. He was withdrawn, argumentative and he did have a lump on his testicle that I advised him to go to the doctors with. He claimed he went and it went from there. Turns out he actually had a gambling addiction and was spending every penny we had (or didn't actually have) as the bills were not being paid. I've been over it time and time again in my head. Perhaps I should have realised - but I never. It's in the past now and I need to focus on the future. xxx

SingleSue

supernatural619 wrote: »

Does no one like staying at home these days to look after their children? I have 2 children and I am a full time mum as I wouldn't miss a single thing in their lives. I couldn't stand someone else spending more time bringing my children up than me.

Would you not consider taking time off while they are so young?

I stayed at home for a little while after the younger two were born but because of their disabilities, needed the escape and identity that work gave me. Luckily, I found employment which fitted in with now ex husband's working hours so I could be there during the day for them and he could take over the care in the evening/night. For us, it was not a financial decision, initially, we were actually worse off with me returning to work due to the loss of carers allowance, some tax credits and fuel/clothing costs but the gains for me healthwise outweighed the financial loss.

Unfortunately, when we split, I no longer had that option and as no alternative childcare was available, had to give up work and it bugs me every day.

Don't get me wrong, I love my boys but it is a very lonely life, not only being a single parent but also when your children have disabilities and I yearn for the break (and yes, no matter how busy work was, it was a break!) that work gave me, the independence, the identity, the de stresser, the social life.

kelpie35

AimeesMummy wrote: »

It wasn't a case of just taking his word. I was heavily pregnant, working forty hours a week and looking after a 2yr old. He didn't want me to go to any of his check ups and refused to let me go along. He was withdrawn, argumentative and he did have a lump on his testicle that I advised him to go to the doctors with. He claimed he went and it went from there. Turns out he actually had a gambling addiction and was spending every penny we had (or didn't actually have) as the bills were not being paid. I've been over it time and time again in my head. Perhaps I should have realised - but I never. It's in the past now and I need to focus on the future. xxx

Sorry to be a bit harsh but I think you need to grow up and mature a bit.
I find it hard to understand how you can be in such a highly paid job, that I am sure carries responsibilities, and you don't seem able enough to take control of you own life.
Very stange:think:

FBaby

supernatural619 wrote: »

Does no one like staying at home these days to look after their children? I have 2 children and I am a full time mum as I wouldn't miss a single thing in their lives. I couldn't stand someone else spending more time bringing my children up than me.

Would you not consider taking time off while they are so young?

Amazing how some people just take this luxury for granted....

FBaby

Hopping in bed with your ex like that was quite silly (were the children with you?). I do find it also quite incredible that you would have not protected yourself (if not there and then, by taking the morning after pill), and then amazingly, you are pregnant, but yet not something you wanted at all...

In any case, the reality is what it is now. My experience is that people working full-time with small children find that the best arrangement is to have a nanny who comes to their home, or alternatively, if you have the space, an au pair.

Kimitatsu

Can I just remind everyone of the rule

*please be nice to all moneysavers*

There but for the grace of god could go so many people, and if you want to throw some judgement around about everyones lives then the arms is open 24/7

This board is about entitlement and advice for people who genuinely need it so please if you have some to give then share your thoughts.

SandraScarlett

AimeesMummy wrote: »

I am a buyer and fully admit to being extremely lucky to have landed my job. I didn't have the qualifications required but worked from the bottom up (tea girl) and had some really fantastic managers training me on the job. I took 5 months each time with both my children.

Dad is very stable at present and looks after the kids no problem. As this baby isn't due until June I would wait to see if he things continue as good as they have been for the last few months to make sure he could cope with the two youngest kids.

He is on incapacity benefit and doesn't support the kids financially. I don't expect anything from him as I know I get support in other ways. Do you think it's possible to work full time with three kids 5 or under? xxx

Could I have done it? Absolutely not! I was 21 and 23 when my kids were born, and that was hard enough, and I was a SAHM, as most were in the 1960s. Could I have done it with another child and had a full time job? No I couldn't but I'm not you, and nor is anyone else.

You sound as if you can cope well with juggling your family life and work, and only you know if you can still keep on juggling if you have extra balls to keep in the air. I think you must have some doubts, or you wouldn't be asking the question, especially as we only know as much of your life, of you, and your ex-husband, as you've told us.

Is this a situation where you could make it your intention to return after Maternity Leave, and then if all goes pear-shaped, resign immediately? Lots of things seem do-able on paper, but don't work out so well in reality, because Life gets in the way, and things happen.

Three children under 5, means it's 50% more likely for someone to have the sniffles, than with 2 children, and I don't know what your child care arrangements are if a child isn't well. Whatever you decide to do, I wish you well.

xx