Nice people thread part 7 - a thread in its prime

silvercar

Does your mum seem totally stuck, or moving forward but terribly slowly? Grief becomes pathological when it goes on "too long" - which for a catastrophic loss (like a spouse, especially if the couple were "private people" without really close friends other than each other) probably means six months or so without any sense that things are beginning to make progress in the right direction, even if slowly.

OTOH, that doesn't mean it isn't worth investigating whether anti-depressants might make somebody better able to function while they're down in the depths, or insisting that they either take care of their own physical needs (food, warmth, paying bills, whatever) properly, or else accept help to do so.

Bereaved people can be very hard to help if they don't want to be helped, even if you're the parent and they're the child, and I can only imagine it must be all the more difficult if they're the parent and you're the child. I am thinking of you and praying for you, silvercar.

Spot on and thank you for your prayers.

I am allowed to help now with sorting out admin and stuff. But on the emotional side she is not prepared to be helped. Doesn't want to talk, doesn't want anti-depressants, doesn't want to eat. Seems to be moving backwards there.

PasturesNew

Don't quote, will be deleting.

Having a call out one night, she'd pressed the Lifeline button and their first response was to call me out .... I had to call the Dr in - and mum sat and was saying "I just want to die". It was hard sitting there and hearing that ....

I'm afraid she went downhill from there, but was unable to fend for herself in any case. We were battling with her wanting things to be how they had been, insisting on staying in the house, yet being unable to perform any actions for herself whatsoever - dolloped in with a huge portion of 'attention seeking' having suddenly found herself alone and unable to cope, yet not wanting to discuss options, or understanding them. She really wanted a live-in-carer - but didn't understand why that'd cost a fortune as others seemed to get them free.

The bottom line is: you can't fix it, but you have to run up a load of dead end alleys in an effort to fix it before things find their own level. In our case, the level was a care home.

vivatifosi

DH has the previous version of this and it's fab. Lots of processing power, you can turn the screen over and watch films on it as an HD tablet. We take it on hols with us and it's really good.

http://www.dell.com/uk/dfh/p/xps-12-l221x/pd?~ck=anav

Not everyone has had a good time with Dells mind, but our one of these has been really good. Having said that, it's definitely the premium end of the market.

ETA: apologies for inappropriate timing of post. I was responding to purch and hadn't got to the more recent posts at the time.

purch

From 999 quid :eek:

HID had a haircut today, and somehow managed to fit in a quick flit around Karen Millen LK Bennett and Reiss on the way home so I might be able to use some leverage :cool:

It looks very impressive, although I would probably break the screen quite easily.

...and this Dell website, by the time I have added all the top options it'll end up costing 2 grand !!!!

The Kensington Expert folio case (inc Keyboard stand) is a must have....

lostinrates

I am trying to get warm enough to have a shower, wash my hair and not freeze in the process.

And I have turned the electric blanket on the bed on. Both cats have wriggled under the duvet and are spread eagled, tummies down, on the sheet, sucking up all the warmth.

Spirit_2

When I got home tonight my husband told me that our lovely friend will not be with us for much longer. We will see her at the weekend and I hope we will have a few weeks.

She and her husband have been togethr almost 40 years - since they were 15. She has been our friend for 25 years since becoming our childminder.

Feel so utterly useless .

silvercar

lostinrates wrote: »

I am trying to get warm enough to have a shower, wash my hair and not freeze in the process.

And I have turned the electric blanket on the bed on. Both cats have wriggled under the duvet and are spread eagled, tummies down, on the sheet, sucking up all the warmth.

I want an electric blanket. OH refuses, says its a sign of age.

The_saint_2

Electric blankets are dangerous, my dog chewed ours and got killed in the process

silvercar

Spirit wrote: »

When I got home tonight my husband told me that our lovely friend will not be with us for much longer. We will see her at the weekend and I hope we will have a few weeks.

She and her husband have been togethr almost 40 years - since they were 15. She has been our friend for 25 years since becoming our childminder.

Feel so utterly useless .

So sorry to hear this.

lostinrates

silvercar wrote: »

I want an electric blanket. OH refuses, says its a sign of age.

I 'm younger than you, so......

Tbh, mine keeps me sane. It's too hot for dh most of the time so it's mainly a solo pleasure.


I do try not to chew it. Occasional nibble of the edge when I want to be a bit more risqu! in bed.