Nice people thread part 7 - a thread in its prime

lostinrates

PasturesNew wrote: »

I was looking for the BMD searchable records 10 minutes ago in the county where I used to live and spotted the prices to get married. It varied from £50 on a weekday before 10:30 to £200 on a Saturday. So £50 could see chewy sorted.

There are two fees, cannot remember exactly but a license fee when you give notice of intention to marry plus the fee for the register office/registrar. But it's not much.

PasturesNew

lostinrates wrote: »

There are two fees, cannot remember exactly but a license fee when you give notice of intention to marry plus the fee for the register office/registrar. But it's not much.

Oh .... you can probably tell I've never done it

silvercar

misskool wrote: »

registry office, taxi driver and clerk. job done.

:cool:

My wedding was expensive, I think. It followed the rule "he who pays the piper calls the tune". My parents organised everything and paid for it. The first time we saw the invites was when we received ours. We were young and just did what we were told, we just wanted to get married and didn't care/ trusted them with the detail.

Length of time from being in a relationship to wedding - just over 3 years.

zagubov

michaels wrote: »

So what is the NP consensus? If ones partner becomes an aunt / uncle is one also an uncle / aunt?

Clearly yes - how could this not be so?

silvercar wrote: »

My wedding was expensive, I think. It followed the rule "he who pays the piper calls the tune". My parents organised everything and paid for it. The first time we saw the invites was when we received ours. We were young and just did what we were told, we just wanted to get married and didn't care/ trusted them with the detail.

Length of time from being in a relationship to wedding - just over 3 years.

6 years for us .:)

lostinrates

silvercar wrote: »

My wedding was expensive, I think. It followed the rule "he who pays the piper calls the tune". My parents organised everything and paid for it. The first time we saw the invites was when we received ours. We were young and just did what we were told, we just wanted to get married and didn't care/ trusted them with the detail.

Length of time from being in a relationship to wedding - just over 3 years.

My parents were willing to throw us a wedding (my sibling also eloped so they were doubly cheated) but tbh between my mother and dh's dad there was a clash of the diva- titans going on.


E.g. My parents asked fil for the list of absolute must invite people....aunts/ uncles/ first cousins very close family friends etc...and he sent a list of 250 names. My mother felt the way to tackle this was to match it....yet dh and I were being told all the time that x or y were not 'good enough' friends to invite.

Five of my girlfriends assumed they would be bridesmaids, which is lovely, I live them, but I was only going to have my neices.

I wanted particular colour dress which I was told was inappropriate (I wanted very, very dark cream, not really weddingyin in retrospect probably better if I had been middle aged:o) but I really didn't want to wear white. I also wanted particular flowers which I was told were vulgar ....

Fil wanted a rabbi, (dh didn't care) so my mother started wanting a priest (seriously inappropriate as I am not a practising catholic) so I started hopping up and down saying I wanted a Druid.:D

We could only agree on a date two years in advance (when my dad was least busy dh's is most busy and vice versa) plus my das was going grey from the ridiculous expense (he would not have been able to retire when he did for example)



So on and so on. We went to give notice and the registrar said we were too early for our date, but joked that there was a cancelation on the first day we would be able to marry. Dh did not even turn to look at me and but said ' we will take it'.

Breaking the news we were getting married, with none of them, was awkward. Fil and step mil ( who still have not met in person) were calling all the time and she sent me some unforgivable emails.

On the day I wore an evening dress I already had, my mother's ( and maternal families) lace veil, as a stole, and picked roses from the garden. Dh's finals were the next day I think.

It was great. I do sometimes wish I had had ' a big day' but it was not 'my' big day it was some one else's ( goodness knows whose, dh's family would have hated our big top in a field of a friend we were offered and wanted as the venue ...big top rather than Marquand as there were too many darn people...with the doggies and horses there. And my parents would have found the whole thing unbelievably 'not them' too.

Oil and water....they just do not mix well. ( except dh and I, together we make salad dressing:rotfl:)

lostinrates

PasturesNew wrote: »

I can only assume that if I'd got married mine'd have been the same as my older sibling's.... local church, local woman making the cake, homemade dresses, local hair salon. Then off to the back room of a pub, with sandwiches/cake, no free bar and some bloke dad knew playing some records quite quietly. No knees up/disco as the room would have been tiny. Photos in the pub garden, few of the cake cutting. Job done.

So much nicer, huh?

I didn't want a wedding with SO many people, especially so many I didn't know and dh barely knew orang in many cases actively disliked. I didn't feel like we were ' a happy family' plus, I was incredibly ill at the time. It would have been frightful. I just know most people would have been looking at me with disgust and dh like a mad man, And I don't think either of us would have liked it.

A couple of hundred of OUR friends fine, Tbh, I think the whole thing would have been less daunting were it a no family invited affair:D.

PasturesNew

If I got married now .... it'd be 4 family members... that's all there is.

LydiaJ

michaels wrote: »

Lydia if the inquest is in this direction - or you just need to be near Londond for a day or too then you and DKs are very welcome here, DDs would be very pleased to see your DD again.

Aww thank you. The inquest will be too far north for me to take you up on that, but who knows when there might be some kind of London event. I'll bear you in mind. DD in particular would love to see your girls again.

lostinrates wrote: »

... Fil and step mil ( who still have not met in person) were calling all the time...

Now I am mystified. If Fil is your father-in-law, then step mil should be your step-mother-in-law. That means foundinrates's father and foundinrates's step mother. Aren't they married to each other? How could she be foundinrates's step-mother otherwise?

Your wedding situation sounds frightful and it sounds as though what you did was the best way out of it all. I just want to say that it is possible to have lots of people (we had 250) including multitudes of cousins and things as well as plenty of friends, and have a great time. My cousins are great, and I have loads of them (11 on my dad's side, 9 and 4 halves on my mum's side, with lots of once-removed ones and second cousins as well). But I don't see them very often. As a kid, I saw them at weddings, and more recently I've seen them at various parties mostly organised by my dad's sister - the one I mentioned recently as having had a huge 90th bash this summer. I would love to have lots of them at my next wedding if I ever have one, as long as it could be done without breaking the bank.

lostinrates

PasturesNew wrote: »

If I got married now .... it'd be 4 family members... that's all there is.

Could!'t we come?

vivatifosi

misskool wrote: »

there's been an epidemic, fuelled in part by parents who don't want to vaccinate your children.

measles and mumps are making a comeback too.

I wonder if there's a dual effect here. Firstly you have parents not vaccinating. However you also have parents who - unlike when I was young and caught everything except chickenpox - still take their kids out when they are ill so that other children catch everything. I can remember as a child being kept indoors whenever I was ill so that I couldn't infect my kids. These days I see a lot of parents out with kids who are sick, including recently one with mumps.