Nice people thread part 7 - a thread in its prime

SingleSue

LydiaJ wrote: »

Oh but I did enjoy it - earlier this year before I decided I needed to sort my head out first. I had a blast meeting people. The problem is that I'm just not convinced that merely meeting a guy on a series of dates could make me feel I knew him well enough to decide I wanted to be exclusive with him in a reasonable length of time.

My first bf was on my gap year. He was living in the same hostel as me, and I was one of 3 people paying him petrol money to be driven to work - which worked out cheaper than the works bus. The other two were going out with each other, so they sat in the back, and he and I sat in the front and tried to pretend not to hear what was going on behind us. I had two half hour car journeys with him every day, and socialised with the same group of friends as him during evenings and weekends, and it still took me a couple of months to decide I was interested in going out with him. My second bf was LNE. We were students living in at the same college, and met at meals 2 or 3 times a day as well as countless meetings and social occasions.

And then I got engaged at 19 and married at 22, separated just before I turned 36, and widowed at 40. No other relationships apart from those two.

So my only previous experience of "getting to know a bloke well enough to know if I'm interested" has entailed seeing him 50-100 times socially before the question of "more than friends" was raised at all. How can you possibly get to know somebody properly if you only see him as often as you can arrange your life to be free to go out on a date? It must be possible, but it feels "all wrong" to me. I hope you're right that I'll acclimatise to this new landscape.

On second thoughts, I think I need to edit what I said earlier. First time round, there was nothing wrong with how well I got to know them before getting into an exclusive relationship. It was just the engagement decision that was stupidly too quick.

But thanks for the encouragement. Maybe I will get used to it. But all that knowledge that you mention - of what I really want and what really suits me - I know it's good to know myself like that, but it does make the whole thing much scarier, not to have that careless thoughtless overoptimism of extreme youth.

I was engaged at 17 after being together for 5 months, married at 19 (almost 20) and divorced at 36 (nearly 37).

For us, we saw each other pretty much every night and then started living together just after my 18th birthday when we had been together 14 months.

After the divorce, the idea of being in another relationship was quite strong but it slowly dwindled as the years went by to a couldn't really care less attitude....and then I met up with my old friend. Thankfully, because we have known each other for 30 years, there was not an awful lot of catching up to be done, only the last 10 years really, so it fits in well with the confines of my available hours.

This time though, nothing is being rushed, if anything does happen like moving in together, it won't be for at least 4 years which is when youngest will hopefully be off to uni as the least amount of disruption is needed for my family unit at this crucial stage of education.

As for weddings, mine looked expensive but wasn't (Top hat and tails, loads of bridesmaids, horse and carriage, sit down meal for 70 and an evening do for 150), I was a bit of a bargain queen even back then and played one company off against another.

Two years ago, we also did my brother's second wedding on an even tighter budget but we did the whole thing for less than £300 including the dress, think the biggest outlay was the fees! I was in charge of food, decoration, cakes etc...and my budget queen persona came to the fore again :rotfl:

JonnyBravo

silvercar wrote: »

Length of time from being in a relationship to wedding - just over 3 years.

Length of time from first meeting to wedding day = 8 months :eek:

misskool

vivatifosi wrote: »

No, I really don't. I wonder if the advice changed over time. I had chickenpox as an adult and that was awful so I can see the logic, but I do think its sad that vaccination is not an option.

Speaking of which, TB is on the way back. Is that being vaccinated for again? Do BCGs last for life? I ask as from time to time I get to meet people with it:eek:.

I had a BCG booster when I was older (12?) so I'm presuming you can get a booster?

Generali

lostinrates wrote: »

Well, good luck. We will be rooting for you both and wishing you well.

Plus it's fun trying,

I think chewy has to do the rooting. There are some things not even the Nice People can do on his behalf:D

LINK

LydiaJ

lostinrates wrote: »

Lydia, I meant I have not met her person, rofl.

Light dawns. Thanks for explaining.

vivatifosi wrote: »

No, I really don't. I wonder if the advice changed over time. I had chickenpox as an adult and that was awful so I can see the logic, but I do think its sad that vaccination is not an option.

Speaking of which, TB is on the way back. Is that being vaccinated for again? Do BCGs last for life? I ask as from time to time I get to meet people with it:eek:.

I had chickenpox as an adult too, and I agree it's awful.

I grew up in a county that didn't do the BCG, so I've never had that. I did get the smallpox vaccine, though, because as a family we went to India in 1975, en route to Australia for a year with my dad's work.

SingleSue wrote: »

After the divorce, the idea of being in another relationship was quite strong but it slowly dwindled as the years went by to a couldn't really care less attitude....and then I met up with my old friend. Thankfully, because we have known each other for 30 years, there was not an awful lot of catching up to be done, only the last 10 years really, so it fits in well with the confines of my available hours.

You and your old friend are an encouragement to me.

zagubov

lostinrates wrote: »

This might help us with something, is this an old regulation, and across all of the states?

Dh has no vaccination record, and his mother never told him and it's not on medical notes here or in Italy so we don't know what childhood illness or vaccinations he had. He went to school for a short while on two separate occasions in US ...does this mean he is definitely vaccinated?

Not sure, but being in America, I'll bet it varies across different states.;)
Might be googlable. vaccination policy + school + NAME OF STATE for a nice Boolean search

silvercar

vivatifosi wrote: »

Speaking of which, TB is on the way back. Is that being vaccinated for again? Do BCGs last for life? I ask as from time to time I get to meet people with it:eek:.

It was phased out as a school programme in secondary schools about 10 years ago. Letters would go home telling parents that this was no longer being routinely offered but if they were visiting countries where it was prevalent they should make arrangements to have their children tested. Eldest's school had the vaccination programme because there were a lot of children who would go on holiday to India/ Pakistan or have relatives visit from there. The headteacher felt it was less disruptive to have the programme in school when so many pupils would otherwise need to make arrangements and miss lessons. Also there were so many pupils from those regions that the other pupils were deemed to be at risk.

Younger's school just sent a letter home.

silvercar

PasturesNew wrote: »

If I got married now .... it'd be 4 family members... that's all there is.

My brother-in-law (well OH's BIL to be accurate) is an only child, his parents were both only children and both died quite young. One of his parents died before he got engaged, the other after he had been married a year; he says he never got a chance to enjoy the peace before we landed in his life. My MIL is very good at drawing all the in-laws (to her family) in and making them feel part of her extended family.

silvercar

PasturesNew wrote: »

If I got married now .... it'd be 4 family members... that's all there is.

On our silver wedding holiday there were a couple getting married on the beach, with no-one they knew, i would have been just as happy with that.

Doozergirl

There is a reason I don't watch homes under the hammer. Vile, vile, vile renovation.

And breathe...