cant teenage girls be horrible

susieanne

My 14 year old daughter needs a new set of mates im so fed up of her being upset which makes me upset . They are always doing underhanded tricks . The other day they had all planned to go out then rang my daughter saying they wernt bothering then i saw them all out together and my daughter was sat at home alone . The next day one of them is all nice with her then the following day they are all out again and my daughter yet again is sat at home all weekend alone . I think finally my daughter is getting fed up with it and this time isnt going to run back to them but problem is at the moment my daughter has no friends and i hate seeing her uphappy she just needs a nice friend .

Saturnalia

There's nothing crueller than girls, for sure.

Did your daughter meet these (so called) friends at school? If so does she do anything else socially where she might meet new people?

zaksmum

Poor kid. Don't know what's wrong with some of them, feel like they need a good smack at times. They just seem to be !!!!!y for the sake of it.

It'll be hard but she needs to drop them and start hanging out with some nice girls. I had similar problems with my daughter and once she got a new set of mates she never looked back.

Good luck.

zaksmum

The word they censored above was the female of dog...!

Hermia

I went to a girl's school so I know what you mean!

I think the problem with that age group is that they just tend to have one set of friends. When you are older you tend to have different groups of friends that you do different things with. Teenage girls put all their eggs in one basket so if there is a problem it really hits them.

Could you not encourage your daughter to meet some friends outside school?

Could you not also encourage her to do some things on her own so that she isn't left home alone when her friends leave her out? At that age I was really into art so would go to galleries on my own. Going into school on a Monday and saying that I had a lovely weekend and went to an exhibition always made the endless "hanging around the mall" stories seem so dull!

susieanne

Yes they are in her class at school so theres no getting away from them . They can be abit mean at school like not saving her a place at the dinner table . I would like to add in general they seem to be not very nice girls its not just my daughter that they are like this with , they seem to pick on just one girl from there group at a time so sometimes they can be fine with her for a few months whilst being mean with someone else until her time comes round again. No she doesnt do anything out of school, she did do singing but non of the girls went to her school and she just seems forcused on getting some friends at the school she goes too

Hermia

susieanne wrote: »

No she doesnt do anything out of school, she did do singing but non of the girls went to her school and she just seems forcused on getting some friends at the school she goes too

Might be worth gently pushing her to focus on things outside school as well. After all, she could leave school in a couple of years and she doesn't want to be one of those kids who has a crisis because all their friends are through school. Or who picks her A-level institution based on whether friends from her school go there (quite a few girls from my school did this and ended up regretting it).

Fire_Fox

Sounds like she needs some hobbies/ activities out of school to meet other young people, perhaps learning a skill to boost her confidence, volunteering for community awareness and a reference/ CV, exercise or sport to benefit her mental wellbeing and physical health. Being busy may also make her more 'desirable/ alluring' to these girls. What is she interested in?

Nicki

susieanne wrote: »

Yes they are in her class at school so theres no getting away from them . They can be abit mean at school like not saving her a place at the dinner table . I would like to add in general they seem to be not very nice girls its not just my daughter that they are like this with , they seem to pick on just one girl from there group at a time so sometimes they can be fine with her for a few months whilst being mean with someone else until her time comes round again. No she doesnt do anything out of school, she did do singing but non of the girls went to her school and she just seems forcused on getting some friends at the school she goes too

Then she needs to form a splinter group with the other girls who are subject to this treatment, and leave the few who are orchestrating the meanness to their own devices. Otherwise, if she is sometimes in and sometimes out, she is sometimes part of the crowd being horrid to just one girl, and it is slightly harder to have sympathy for her when the tables turn and she is the one being ostracised.

newcook

I joined a sports and social club with my parents when I was 13/14 and started playing netball for the club – 19 years later I am still firm friends with the netball girls (even though I haven’t played for a few years!!) and because of the social side of the club I have a great circle of friends!

As for those I was friends with at school – I only keep in touch with them because of facebook!!

Nan63

Nicki wrote: »

Then she needs to form a splinter group with the other girls who are subject to this treatment, and leave the few who are orchestrating the meanness to their own devices. Otherwise, if she is sometimes in and sometimes out, she is sometimes part of the crowd being horrid to just one girl, and it is slightly harder to have sympathy for her when the tables turn and she is the one being ostracised.

Good advice!

If she likes singing, what about encouraging her to go along to amateur dramatics clubs?

Good luck OP.