cant teenage girls be horrible

[Deleted User]

I remember being about 15 and feeling very much like this, not part of one group or another. I had had a close friend when I was 14 who had gradually got pally with another girl and then it was the 3 of us, then they got closer and pushed me out and ended up bullying me, making my life a misery. Using all the confidences and private stuff I had initially shared in our friendship to use against me.

One vivid memory I have just recalled from reading this thread was arranging to go one saturday to a large shopping town by bus. I waited at the station for them all excited, the bus came and went but they didn't turn up. I carried on waiting for them and the next bus came, eventually I gave up and went home upset. Turns out at school on monday they had deliberately arranged to get the bus the hour before and were already in town whilst I waited.

I couldn't and still couldn't ever do that to somebody, its plain mean and nasty. Unfortunately a lot of these girls don't change as adult women either.

gibson123

I agree get her to expand beyond the school, now don't hate me, but my daughter has found lots of friends through friends of friends on facebook. They are all kids that are in to music, singing, arty things and generally just hanging out. They tend to take their instruments (those that play) to the local bandstand or each others houses and play tunes or gig, they sometimes even go busking if they can be bothered. They even skype and play to each other over the internet, the furthest apart is 50 miles away but she sometimes comes to visit by train. Sounds like your daughter would fit in fine, there seems to be a real division of the "popular" kids and the others who have real interests and hobbies, to be honest if your girl isn't in with the populars I think this is a good thing. Being popular seems to be those girls that are quite shallow and only interested in boys, fake tans and grown up clothes. It may be different in your area.

fluffnutter

It's classic female bullying. It's not violent, it's not demanding money with menaces, rather it's all about social exclusion. OP, I'd encourage you and your daughter to read Queen Bees and Wannabes by Rosalind Wiseman. It's a bit American but there's such sound advice in there.

susieanne

""Being popular seems to be those girls that are quite shallow and only interested in boys, fake tans and grown up clothes. It may be different in your area.""

Yes this is same in our area too

They text her last night at first said hi to her ( i didnt want her reply but yet again she replied to them saying hi what you up to ? They relied by saying" hi just a few of us are hanging out in such a bodys house " nice of them to get in touch to basically say where having a great time are you sat at home alone again aww shame .

I just wish she would be brave and tell them clear off or dont reply to them .

lizzie157

Remember feeling like this. Still have issues with friends now in my forties. My DD also went through similar and now doesn't suffer fools, any of her friends who treat her badly are soon out the door. Most of her best friends are male cos they don't act the same.

gibson123

susieanne wrote: »

""Being popular seems to be those girls that are quite shallow and only interested in boys, fake tans and grown up clothes. It may be different in your area.""

Yes this is same in our area too

They text her last night at first said hi to her ( i didnt want her reply but yet again she replied to them saying hi what you up to ? They relied by saying" hi just a few of us are hanging out in such a bodys house " nice of them to get in touch to basically say where having a great time are you sat at home alone again aww shame .

I just wish she would be brave and tell them clear off or dont reply to them .

You can help build her confidence, if she likes singing why don't you get her some private singing lessons, join a theatre group or see if she wants to learn an instrument. It sounds like she is friends with the wrong group of kids. She will be picking her subjects at school soon and chances are she will be in different classes with different kids, the sooner she disassociates with the "populars" the sooner the other kids will look at her as a potential friend.

ginger_tony

Hi there, yes teenagers can be cruel, but l think you should try to get her involved in clubs etc dont feed into the negativity. Our local scouts have a section for 14ys to 18rys, they go camping and is a good way to make new friends. Or what about the Duke of Edinburgh award schemes our school are involved with this and my girl the same age as yours is having a great time and has made many new friends. My daughter is a homebody and l have struggled to get her out socialising but now she has started meeting new people she has gotten more confident and is a happier person for it.

Fire_Fox

susieanne wrote: »

""Being popular seems to be those girls that are quite shallow and only interested in boys, fake tans and grown up clothes. It may be different in your area.""

Yes this is same in our area too

They text her last night at first said hi to her ( i didnt want her reply but yet again she replied to them saying hi what you up to ? They relied by saying" hi just a few of us are hanging out in such a bodys house " nice of them to get in touch to basically say where having a great time are you sat at home alone again aww shame .

I just wish she would be brave and tell them clear off or dont reply to them .

Behaviour change is often a lot more effective if you take positive action rather than a negative one. So with dieting concentrating on what you can and should eat instead of what you cannot and should not. IMO it is the similar here - you are expecting her not to do something but she doesn't have a more attractive alternative. If she'd been at a club or activity no doubt she would not have had her mobile phone on her or not heard it beep or not had the time to reply.

SailorSam

And as they grow up and get older there are some that get even more horrible.

VikkiiKawaii

Have no useful advice to add but coming from a situation like that, things get better and it makes you stronger.