cant teenage girls be horrible

zaksmum

My daughter joined a roadshow/singing/entertaining group and loved it, made loads of new friends that way.

Or the Army/Sea cadets, running group, or join a gym.

As she gets fitter her self esteem will improve, and she'll be more confident and attractive to other people.

Birdie85

This sounds like my teenage years in a nutshell! I really feel for your DD, I went through many cycles of being ignored and picked on, then having my 'friends' be nice to me for a couple of months then suddenly turn on me again. It went on for a few years but luckily their periods of ignoring me actually turned into a good thing for me as I'd been forced to sit next to other girls in my classes because I was the odd one that they refused to sit next to so I got friendly people outside of my friendship group and when I eventually plucked up the courage to tell the evil mares that had made my life so miserable for so long to sod off I found myself with 3 new groups of friends to spend time with and I never had to worry about being left during breaks and lunchtime and could always find someone to hang out with on a weekend.

It does take guts to walk away from your friendship group when you're that young and terrified of even going to the toilet on your own, but once she recognises that her 'friends' are nasty (probably jealous) people who just make her life difficult she'll find other girls who'll happily stand up for her, probably girls who've suffered the wrath of these bullies, or bullies like them, in the past!

I'll never understand why teenage girls have to be so awful to their friends, but let your DD know that it will get better and just because she's known certain girls for a long time, she doesn't have to stay friends with them for the rest of her school life. Encourage her to pursue her interests and join after school clubs etc and enjoy making friends without relying on anyone else, the sooner she learns that quality the better!

Cat501

Fire_Fox wrote: »

Being busy may also make her more 'desirable/ alluring' to these girls.

If it does, I hope she tells them to s*d off when they come crawling back!!

aliasojo

Growing up is hard. It's even harder being the parent of someone who is growing up. All you want to do is make the world right for them.

My girl has had her share of similar situations OP, so I sympathise.

I always wanted my daughter to 'force' the issue and brings things out into the open by asking directly why they did that. It seems to me that people who practice underhand behaviour only get away with it because it's underhand. Its not so good for them if things are aired openly.

Needless to say, kids don't usually go for that solution, it takes courage to challenge anything and at an age where it's important to be one of the group and not stand out as different in any way, not many kids will tackle things head on. Can't say I blame them but it's a shame.

I hope your daughter is able to make new friends. The ones she has now, suck.

Person_one

susieanne wrote: »

I would like to add in general they seem to be not very nice girls its not just my daughter that they are like this with , they seem to pick on just one girl from there group at a time so sometimes they can be fine with her for a few months whilst being mean with someone else until her time comes round again. No she doesnt do anything out of school, she did do singing but non of the girls went to her school and she just seems forcused on getting some friends at the school she goes too

Its highly likely that she joins in or at least keeps quiet about it when they're picking on a different girl. She probably won't admit this to you, but can you somehow advise her stick up for the other girls, take charge a bit when they start the bullying and refuse to let it escalate?

It will take a lot of guts to stand up to them, but if she does it at a time when she's 'in' it will be easier.

choccybuttons

Hi

I made a life outside if school as exactly the same thing happened to me. I still hung around with them during school but after school I did loads odd activities. Got great new friends. My so called school friends were stunned to find out about my gorg boyfriend whom i introduced at leaders disco. I was always doing interesting things while they hung around drinking. I joined aircadets which gave me a huge social life as well as looking good on my uni application and got to go flying and gliding, trips abroad, camps every summer. I also joined st johns ambulance, did judo and canoeing. So I was never left home alone when my so called school friends left me out.

ktb

aliasojo wrote: »

I always wanted my daughter to 'force' the issue and brings things out into the open by asking directly why they did that. It seems to me that people who practice underhand behaviour only get away with it because it's underhand. Its not so good for them if things are aired openly.

Needless to say, kids don't usually go for that solution, it takes courage to challenge anything and at an age where it's important to be one of the group and not stand out as different in any way, not many kids will tackle things head on.

I agree this is great in theory.... but I was mortified when at 14y/o I got a letter from my 2 'best' friends saying they didn't really want me to hang round with them anymore and was told that social events involving them were cancelled, only to find out that was a total lie and they just didn't want me there. The LAST thing I wanted to do was challenge them about it and feel even more humiliated!

They made me feel awful about myself, so why would I have chosen to subject myself to a voluntary character assassination face to face by challenging it? To me this is like challenging someone who has dumped you in a relationship..... best just to accept they don't want you around and walk away with your head held high and find someone else who enjoys and appreciates your company (which I did and those are my 2 closest friends 20 years later!)

Tackling things head on requires a certain emotional maturity in my opinion, not just courage. As an adult it is much easier to have a rational perspective on underhand & spiteful behaviour, but processing that stuff when you are a teenager is incredibly difficult! Developmentally, it takes a while to realise that the world doesn't revolve around you so you take everything very personally, & issues with your mates, seem like the end of the world. God I am so glad I am not a teenager anymore!!

I agree with those saying help her to get out there and make new friends either outside school, or from school but in a different group.

Hermia

aliasojo wrote: »

I always wanted my daughter to 'force' the issue and brings things out into the open by asking directly why they did that. It seems to me that people who practice underhand behaviour only get away with it because it's underhand. Its not so good for them if things are aired openly.

When I think back to my school I think the vile girls in my class would have fallen apart if someone had only confronted them.

There was one amazingly confident girl in my year. No one could bully her. She was really self-sufficient. I remember when people would try and exclude her she would just go and sprawl on the grass on her own at lunchtime and sunbathe. Once a group of bullies were being horrible about her shoes and she just looked at them and said, "I like them" and went back to reading her book. The bullies skulked off. It was such a simple and effective thing to do, but none of the rest of us thought to do this.

choccybuttons

Hermia wrote: »

When I think back to my school I think the vile girls in my class would have fallen apart if someone had only confronted them.

There was one amazingly confident girl in my year. No one could bully her. She was really self-sufficient. I remember when people would try and exclude her she would just go and sprawl on the grass on her own at lunchtime and sunbathe. Once a group of bullies were being horrible about her shoes and she just looked at them and said, "I like them" and went back to reading her book. The bullies skulked off. It was such a simple and effective thing to do, but none of the rest of us thought to do this.

This was me but still didn't stop me going home EVERY night and crying my eyes out and dreading going to school. It was only years later talking to one of the worse bullies, that found out that they thought it didn't effect me so they tried even harder to get a reaction. I had to live through 3 years before they got bored.

Person_one

Hermia wrote: »

When I think back to my school I think the vile girls in my class would have fallen apart if someone had only confronted them.

There was one amazingly confident girl in my year. No one could bully her. She was really self-sufficient. I remember when people would try and exclude her she would just go and sprawl on the grass on her own at lunchtime and sunbathe. Once a group of bullies were being horrible about her shoes and she just looked at them and said, "I like them" and went back to reading her book. The bullies skulked off. It was such a simple and effective thing to do, but none of the rest of us thought to do this.

Hmm, how old are you, where did you go to school and did her shoes have holograms on them...?