Can i build a better life or is it too late?? My quest for happiness!



  • WantToBeSEWantToBeSE Forumite
    7.7K Posts
    I've been Money Tipped! Debt-free and Proud!
    Good morning Alterego :)

    I have made £13 from Ebay today. Not loads, but it'll do! I have loads more to list though, but will wait until Sunday afternoon.

    Its great to hear about phase 1 being complete! Well done!
    If i were you, i would cut up that card, as like you said it will tick over nicely without having to be touched. And if you have the card, you may be tempted to spend it.
    Thats just my opinion though.

    If you are looking into making more cash, have you popped over the the 'Up your income' board? I know people over there do surveys etc and get paid in money or vouchers (for things like amazon etc). It may be worth taking a look? Its something i have thought about, but am not sure whats involved really.

    Also, i cant remember if you said you were in any debt, but if you are, have you been over to the DFW (Debt Free Wannabe) board? If you go over there, and post an SOA, i am sure the lovely people will be able to give you tons of advice on how to reduce your outgoings, and maximise your income.
    I did that, and have managed to get my shopping budget down from £550 a month, to £200-£250 a month, quite easily! I was thinking that if your OH gives you a set amount to go shopping with, you could spend less and then pocket the rest for the FU fund?

    Just some thoughts, hope you may find them useful :)
  • Frugal_SaverFrugal_Saver Forumite
    318 Posts
    Part of the Furniture 100 Posts Combo Breaker
    Just thought I'd have a read after your post in my diary.
    AlTeREgO wrote: »
    i think keeping this diary is helping me, whenever i write a post it gets me thinking about my goals and what i want to achieve. I've been a member of this site for years, but decided to create a new account and diary so i can be totally honest in it and get everything out in the open instead it rattling about in my head :wall:

    I completely relate to this **subscribes to thread**

    I'm really sorry to hear about the situation you are in but it looks like you're making positive steps to change that.

    Look forward to reading your updates :)
    LBM September 2012
    Debt at LBM £10,573.00
    Current debt £3,250 (29/12/20)
    Current savings £4,950 (29/12/20)
  • Hi Hi... I know exactly what you mean regarding the sleeping most nights I struggle for sleep too.

    I cant give you much advice on the relationship front, as I am currently single and dont really have that much relationship experience.

    Regarding the gambling, you really do need to self exclude yourself. I know its an escape for you at the moment and you dont think your spending much money but since youre not earning, you dont have that luxury am afraid. I have only just got my gambling under control and although i spend probably 10 a week now it was a lot worse at one point.

    I am guessing you spend the money on slots right? dont tell me you spend it on online bingo?
  • AlTeREgOAlTeREgO Forumite
    114 Posts
    Hi Frugal...Thanks for joining us :T

    Hi Castertroy :D

    I'd like to say i've only ever spent £10 a week on gambling, in truth i once spent& lost £3000 in one sitting _pale_ so yeah £10 a week doesn't sound like much to me, even now.

    The £10 a week that i've spoke of before are the minimum limits that were permitted on my favourite sites. ive now decided to self exclude.

    Luckily im no longer in debt :T and am dealing with the issues surrounding the gambling and spending.
    SPC ~ 6 ~ MEMBER 1873
  • edited 4 October 2012 at 7:59AM
    AlTeREgOAlTeREgO Forumite
    114 Posts
    edited 4 October 2012 at 7:59AM
    Good Morning :D

    I wrote lovely long post last night and by the time i came to post it the forum was down :o

    BF is now off work until Monday, so i may not beable to get to post that much until then, but i do still pop in for a read :)

    Im going to think about the long game as BIRDIE suggested a few posts back. Im not certain what i actually want for the future, all i know right now is i don't want to carry on the way its been atm.

    Im going to use the next few days while BF is at home to get on with some housey type stuff that needs doing, half decorated hall needs finishing ( argh @ glossing! ), and garden could do with one last cutback before winter sets in... ect. I doubt that i'll get a hand doing it, but it needs doing so will just get on with it :)

    Someone mentioned Surveys in an earlier post. Been there done that - Always get screened out :mad: i had a really good go at it a few months back, some people say they earn quite a bit, i just found it very frustrating, im just not interesting enough :rotfl:

    I might try and get a few 99p bits listed on ebay, just to keep that ticking over, but im not promising any thing :)

    I know its only Thursday but, Have a lovely weekend :D
    I will try and get on here if i get a free moment, but if not i'll be back on monday.
    EDIT: Just checked Emails and have 5 applications unsuccessful from Asda :( and their policy states i can't apply again for 6 months :o
    SPC ~ 6 ~ MEMBER 1873
    187 Posts
    It is good to hear all the shared life experiences. The good part being so many of us have broken free from relationships that have limited us. I know for me , and Alterego it sounds much the same for you 'The Guilt Trip' worked and it sounds to me that he is playing that one well.

    I know how you feel, lying awake at night with a thousand thoughts running around your head and not knowing which way to turn. Did that one many a night. I tried all the things I could to make myself feel better by joining groups, doing voluntary work, making a life for myself. But, it was impossible cos 'the monkey on my back' kept dragging me down. Then became abusive to keep me in my place.

    It wasn;t till I had my day of revelation as I like to call it, and kicked him to the kerb. That was when my life started again.

    It isn't my place to tell you what you should do, all I can say is what worked for me.

    It was the hardest thing I ever did in my life. But mate did life get better.

    I trained as an aromatherapist and Indian Head Masseur, met a man (via the internet) who is the best thing, who accepts me for who I am. Now I have my own home business that complements some of the training I have done.

    So life can get better. The only way forward is to trust your gut and know precisely what the main problem is that causes all the other ones.

    I wish you well on your journey and hope that everyone on here who is supporting is making you feel less isolated.

    Here for you xx
  • AlTeREgOAlTeREgO Forumite
    114 Posts
    Not a very positive update i'm afraid :o

    Well my plans to get on with the housey stuff went to pot.
    decided to get on with the glossing, ive had the paint for a couple of months ready to get started, i open the tin and find out its Running gloss, i like to use the jelly type stuff, well i did one door and it looks a right mess, drippy, streaky decided to give that job up until i can get my preferred gloss :o
    so i think to myself right, i'll get the grass cut instead as planned, i get down the garden and the grass is much longer than it looks from the house, its still wet and i dont think theres much chance of it drying out. I tried strimming it but wasn't really getting any where, so had to give up on that idea also!

    Later that night i got a "ITEM NOT HAS DESCRIBED" email from ebay, yep youv'e guessed it, its that parcel i was on about a few posts back...arrived damaged :mad: they are sending it back for a full refund and want the return postage costs :( i didnt have a very good day that day :rotfl:

    Suprise, Suprise...The BF informs me we are going out for a few drinks and a meal....First time in what seems like forever!!
    The idea came to him after his previous night out for someones leaving do at his work, i had commented that it would be nice for us to have a night out together once in a while!

    Anyway, we go out have a nice meal and few (too many) drinks around the town, we are definitly too old to be drinking in the town, by 9pm its full of teenagers over half my age :rotfl:

    During the night out he's saying he loves me ect, ect, I told him im Not happy with things how they are, he thinks its all about the lack of sex, i have to explain its not just that. He starts saying how we can work it out and blah blah blah...then we get intrupted by a group who ask if they can sit at our table, so the conversation came to an end.

    So we need to have this talk again in a non drunkard situation, and in full, its hard at home because of the kids being about most of the time. BF has been a bit more attentive and talkative after our night out.

    Sooooo in short :
    I have told him im not happy with the relationship has it is and has been for ages.

    I've told him we need to make some big changes to get out of the rut or split.

    I haven't told him i'm looking for work yet or that im moving forward with MY life with or without him in it.

    I also told him about my recent gambling episodes and that i think the unhappiness i feel is mostly the reason i gamble, now thats out in the open once again, i will get him to put gamblock on the laptop.

    Still totally confused about the whole relationship situation to be honest, it could work with a lot of change, but will it ever change permantly?, it will take more effort from both sides to make it work.
    I just don't know with this one, like i said i'll have to try talking to him again, i know he won't want to talk about it and wont bring it up at all if i don't, but nothings really been resolved, discussed properly or plans for the future made.


    Still no luck on the job seeking front.

    I've had my sulk about ebay over the weekend and its time to get back on that ebaying mission.

    The plans for the F.U Fund are still active but i have nothing to add to that at the moment :o

    How is everyone else doing? :)
    SPC ~ 6 ~ MEMBER 1873
  • WantToBeSEWantToBeSE Forumite
    7.7K Posts
    I've been Money Tipped! Debt-free and Proud!
    Hi Alterego :) nice to see you back again.

    In regards to the talk you had with your OH, it sounds like a really good base from which to approach a proper sober chat about your relationship. These things are so tough arent they, and only you 2 can decide whats right for you both.

    Dissappointing to hear about your ebay problem. I have just had someone with 0 feedback, 0 itmes bought, bid on one of my popular items, them promptly email me to ask if i would send it to a differnt addres than her paypal one. I love giving people the benefit of the doubt, but even i couldnt risk this one!!

    I have fallen off the MSE wagon slightly this week...its my TOTM and i have been craving chocolate loads, and when i go and get chocolate, i end up walking out of the SM (supermarket) having spent at least £20 :( I really cant afford that!!

    Edit- oh, and i have started my own diary too! Pop over and say hi if you have time :)
  • AlTeREgOAlTeREgO Forumite
    114 Posts
    Choccy addiction is not good! treat yourself to a good quality strong hot chocolate, i find that helps when i craving choc :EasterBun

    Just read on your diary you like baking, could you bake some sweet treats instead, might help with the £20 trips to stock up on choccy.
    SPC ~ 6 ~ MEMBER 1873
  • Coco114Coco114 Forumite
    770 Posts
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Hi :)
    Just read through your posts & they really struck a chord with me. You sound like a very positive person which is a fantastic thing to be - hold on to that & stay strong.

    It takes an immense amount of courage & strength to stand up and say " this is wrong , I can't do it anymore" - it took me nearly 2 years to get through it , but I got there :D

    Only you know what's best for you & your kids - focus on that and don't settle for anything less just because you think you should. Life is too short to live a lie & be unhappy. I wouldn't change my life now - my kids are happy & so am I and that's worth more than shed load of money any day :)

    Very best of luck ! I will be reading :)

    Coco x
    The final chapter - £4893 to go out of £30K
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