Can i build a better life or is it too late?? My quest for happiness!

Its taken a long time to write this post and start this diary.

Its hard to know where to begin...
Im 36, and very unhappy :(

I have 2 teenagers and live with my BF, we have been together for 11 years, (he's not the father of my children)

After 11 years together i know my relationship with my partner isn't going anywhere, I knew this after 5 years, but really thought things would work out in the end, but they haven't :(

My other half supports us financally, he likes me in the role of house wife and SAHM.
Slowly over the years i've lost contact with friends and now i have non, yes thats right, I am Billy Nomates!!

Any money i can make by selling stuff on ebay or gumtree, I end up stupidly spending or gambling, i know i do this because im unhappy and the gambling has become a big problem, at the time i feel excited by it, but then when its lost i feel terrible :(

I feel like im stuck in a rut and struggling to get out, i often feel suicidal, i dont see a point to my life, if it wasn't for my kids i would of gladly gone by now :o

My kids are older now so im trying to get into work, and this bit sounds really stupid, but i dont know where to start, i've been looking on Jobcentre plus, but even basic jobs want a CV, and i don't have one.

I need to cut this short, i can heard the BF getting up!

Basically the Aim of my diary is to log my quest to becoming happy again and getting myself a life outside these 4 walls :)
SPC ~ 6 ~ MEMBER 1873
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Replies

  • Hi alterego,

    Just wanted to welcome you to the boards! You will be able to get support from the lovely people on here in your quest for happiness.

    Best wishes
    Irishnini :A
    :jDebt Free May 2014:j
    Mortgage Deposit Savings: €2964.00/€20,000 at least!
  • Hi Irishnini :wave: Thanks for the Welcome :)

    Just popping in for a quick while BF is in the bath.
    He works monday to thursday, so is around most of the time fridays saturdays and sundays, so i wont be updating much on those day :o

    Not had much chance to make a start really today, but i've been planning in my head.

    Read on here a book recommendation :Be your own life Coach by Fiona Harrod. Its has been delivered today so will start reading that tonight.

    Had a really Nice buyer on ebay, i'd underestimated postage on a item i'd sent, she was so pleased with the item she paid the extra postage direct into PP with a nice note thanking me for such a great service :)

    I've got a few listings at the moment and all but 1 items has bids, so that will soon be some extra cash in the pot :T

    So im more than capable of making a few extra pennies it's now just finding a way not to waste them :o

    I've put minimum limits on my favorite gambling sites, i know your proberly thinking i should self exclude, i've done this in the past and ended up just opening accounts with some very dodgy sites.
    I've transferred what little cash i had in pp straight out so im less likely to spend online.

    All direct debits come out at the beginning of the month so once they have come out i will have to sort out a system for myself.
    I tend to find it hard to part with Real cash in real life, but when its online money and online buying im a totally different breed, hence the name Alterego :)

    Got to shot off again....Byeeeee
    SPC ~ 6 ~ MEMBER 1873
  • Just wanted to pop in and say hi! It is never to late to do anything in my eyes.

    Wishing you lots of luck on your journey - have subscribed to your diary and will pop in to keep you company ;)

    Choc x
  • edited 29 September 2012 at 9:24AM
    AlTeREgOAlTeREgO Forumite
    114 Posts
    edited 29 September 2012 at 9:24AM
    Thanks for the welcome Choc, it will be nice to have someone to talk to :)

    Yesterday was a NSD for me :)
    Hopefully today will be too.

    Couple of bits ending on Ebay over the weekend, all looking promising so fingers crossed!!

    Plans for today are :

    :)Look on Jobcentre plus Done, Nothing new on there thats suitable.

    :)Ask on the employment section of MSE about writing a CV :oDone, will have to wait and see if anyone can advise

    :)Get 5 items newly listed on Ebay Done, all 99p listings

    :)Sort the junk out of the shed

    :)Sort through my clothes in overloaded drawers, most of it don't fit :oDone, few bits listed on Ebay, the rest bagged for per kilo shop

    There is so much i want to change its overwhelming to try and do it all at once, for now im concentrating on getting some cash and building up some savings:)

    But future projects include :

    Diet and exercise
    Stop smoking....yes i know very bad :o
    Join some sort of club so i can get out the house a bit.
    Get a job, ANY job.

    :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: its only just came to me as i wrote that down, i could join a slimming world class and kill two birds with one stone!! ( theres a really bad pun in there somewhere too! ) :p

    Ok, so im off to start my mission by posting for advice on the jobs section...hope they're a friendly bunch :)
    SPC ~ 6 ~ MEMBER 1873
  • Pretty good day so far.... :j

    Managed to get 4 out of the 5 things done i wanted too this morning, sorting out the shed will have to be done another day!

    Asked on jobs board and so far have had suggestions of a "Skill based" CV With the suggestion to google, which i have briefly.

    basically its what you would imagine it to be, a list of skills gain while being a mum housewife ect. So i will set to work on that on Monday while BF is at work :)

    Today is looking like its a 2nd NSD :)
    Tomorrow won't be though its my treat of the week ~ Carboot day!! :D I love looking around carboots and always pick up something or other. The bf and kids hate carboots so it will be just me going.

    Doing well on the diet front, i have managed to get rid of all the naughty biscuits :o :rotfl:

    We do normally have a takeaway over the weekend but i've suggested a Big Breakfast style tea tonight instead ~ Bacon, lean sausages, eggs, homemade oven chips and toms / beans. Yum! and Slimming world friendly too :A

    Im planning a nice long soak in the bath later and a bit of pampering for myself, do nails, good moisturise de- fuzz :eek: :rotfl:

    Will pop back later with ebay totals for 2 items ending today, fingers crossed for a few last minute bids :)
    SPC ~ 6 ~ MEMBER 1873
  • BIRDIEBIRDIE Forumite
    187 Posts
    Hi Alterego

    Good to meet you, and look forward to sharing your journey, and if I can provide some help to you on your journey, all the better.

    14 years ago i finally admitted defeat in a relationship that had gone on way too long, and i had lost much of myself and become isolated in the process. I am still on a journey of discovery and enjoying the ride and quite liking who i am becoming.

    We all need focus on where we want to be, and set a plan to reach your goals is great. Don't beat yourself up if you don't achieve all of them immediately, small steps and steady progress is the way forward.

    What sort of work are you looking for. Does your other half know you are looking for a job, and do they know you have this gambling problem

    Wishing you all the best on your path, and you are not alone
  • WantToBeSEWantToBeSE Forumite
    7.7K Posts
    I've been Money Tipped! Debt-free and Proud!
    ✭✭✭✭
    Hi Alterego.

    I know you can build a better life for yourself, you seem very determined.
    I felt very similar to you when splitting with my partner of 8 years, 9 years ago. I relied heavily on food and drugs as 'coping mechanisms', but its been 9 yrs since then.
    In those 9 yrs, i have brought up my 2 beautiful boys, gone to university and get a degree, and am now considering being Self employed.
    The biggest difference is that before i split with him, my confisdence was in the gutter and i was utterly miserable.

    I now am very happy. I am single by choice at the minute, but i know that my previous relationship taught me what i DONT want in a partner!

    Anyway, i'm rambling, so apologies! Just wanted to give you a welcome :)
  • Hi and Welcome
    I am a singleton who has escaped a relationship going swiftly south too.
    I KNOW you can get out of your situation, you just need confidence and support, both of which we can give.
    The job centre can help with writing a CV if you ask, they will even let you print them there.
    I hope you do ok with Ebay, fingers crossed for us both
    B xx
    loan £57,000!!!!
    Started Sept 2012 - Made 21st £25 payment off arrears =£525
    July 2013 made 11th full payment of £491 to loan, Hooray!!!!!! B XX
  • terrywterryw Forumite
    4.4K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    ✭✭✭✭
    I have rarely read anything that shows such a love of life and get up and go spirit!

    It really not fit in with your feelings of unhappiness - keep up the spirit that your showing

    vbw
    "If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
    Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools"
    Extract from "If" by Rudyard Kipling
  • PintAndAPiePintAndAPie Forumite
    1.2K Posts
    ✭✭✭
    Speaking from personal experience and from being in a very similar situation as you I found the best way to get the job that I wanted was to find any job as soon as possible then work from there. Try registering with all the local employment agencies in your area, they are not looking for people with particular skills, what they want is someone who is reliable and willing to work. You might find yourself in a production job for minimum wage but you will be working and that will do your future job prospects and importantly your self esteem a world of good. Good luck.
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