Can i build a better life or is it too late?? My quest for happiness!



  • edited 2 October 2012 at 10:50AM
    AlTeREgOAlTeREgO Forumite
    114 Posts
    edited 2 October 2012 at 10:50AM
    Awww thanks WantToBeSE :) Have a good day in Plymouth ~ Don't spend too much!!

    Well its a good Job i put limits on those Gambling sites :mad: spent £30 over 3 sites last night, had it not been for the limits i would of proberly spent a lot more :( needless to say i lost, and am now beating myself up about how stupid i can be sometimes!! EDIT: I've decided to self exclude for 4 weeks, other wise it will be another £30 next week no doubt

    Worse part is i knew what i was doing AND that i would regret it, but still did it anyway.

    Ok, so today is a new day, can't do anything about it now, so onwards and hopefully upwards :)

    Got a BIG HEAVY parcel to post, i was secretly hoping it would sell as a pick up item, but No --- someone has paid £20 to have it delivered, im dreading taking it to the post office, i think even at £20 i may have seriosly underestimated the postage cost :doh: i will have to bite the bullet and take the hit. EDIT: Phew!! it actually wasn't too bad, underestimated by £1.20 i can live with that!! to hope and pray it gets there in one piece.

    Bit confused about Child benefit payment, im sure it was due in the bank today (?) well its not showing up yet, will have to double check that later.

    Way to go Paypal !! :T i requested a withdrawal before i took the kids to school this morning and when i got back it was sitting in my bank account ~ less than a hour to withdraw :)

    Im not sure what my plans are for today yet, That parcel is playing on my mind so i'll go and get that out the way and then i can focus on other things...I'll be back soon :)
    SPC ~ 6 ~ MEMBER 1873
    187 Posts
    Hi Alterego

    Well done on ebay sales, great way to make a bi of extra cash, I used to go to auctions when I lived in London and buy antiques and unusual bits and sell them on ebay. Made a good profit on it and it got me out of the house. Now live in Northern Ireland so that isn't an option but you might find another avenue to get items to sell on ebay. Though the ebay costs are enormous.

    You have a terrific spirit that wants to break free of the things that are holding you back. You know exactly what they are which is good, but get it clear in your own mind where you want to be and who you want to be, Then formulate that plan. Please remember though to take small steps that are achievable.

    Have you thought of running your own business, one of those party plan / catalogue distribution type things. That would get you out of the house and meet people.

    When I first moved to NI, I didn;t know a sole so that is what I did . So I got to make friends, make some money and relieved the isolation.

    Keep strong and sending you healing and blessings xx
  • WantToBeSEWantToBeSE Forumite
    7.7K Posts
    I've been Money Tipped! Debt-free and Proud!
    Hi again :)
    Had a lovely morning Christmas/Winter shopping in Plymouth, but arrived at my sons orthodintist appointment to find out we were an hour late, so will have to go back at some point! :(
    Really thought i was being frugal with petrol by combining the Christmas shopping, Winter shopping and the ortho appointment! Grrr.

    Anyway, i still picked up some hot water bottle, PJs and slippers, and 2 Christmas pressies!

    How are you doing this afternoon alterego? Good guesstimate on the package if you were only £1.20 over :)
    I dont have DFD, as i only have 1 tiny bit of debt left, so dont see the point. I owuld love to start a 'lets not get into debt/learn how to live within our means' diary though!

    I am definitely getting to grips with managing my money though. When i first came onto this site, i was £2500 in debt (not huge, but it was unmanageable for me) and i have managed to pay that off, and now i am unemployed until i start this business up! The people on this site have been amazingly supportive (as they typically are!).

    Sorry to hear about the gambling being bad last night, by 'self exclude', do you mean prohibit yourself from going on them? I think i
  • catandycatandy Forumite
    868 Posts
    500 Posts
    Hi Alterego

    ive just read thru your diary and recognise a bit of myself in most of your posts - the stuck in a situation / relationship that is stifling you, being cut off from the world and having lost friendships and being monitored for what you are doing and sort of having to justify it/ cover it up. (sounds like my life tbh)

    you can do this and you do deserve to be happy - i mean lifes just too short to be feeling like this all the time. I've subscribed to your diary and will be following your progress with interest - we can do this, all of us, its just a step at a time forward :T

    best of luck with the job hunting!
  • AlTeREgOAlTeREgO Forumite
    114 Posts
    Evening all :D

    Birdie, i have thought about Avon but was reading on here that they are mostly looking for people who are willing to ONLY sell to friends family and collegues ATM. I think they have been over run with applications, so many are after some extra cash :o
    i've no collegues, or friends to sell to, and i don't reckon any of my 3 brothers use AVON :rotfl:

    Wanttobese : well done on clearing that debt :T i think keeping this diary is helping me, whenever i write a post it gets me thinking about my goals and what i want to achieve. I've been a member of this site for years, but decided to create a new account and diary so i can be totally honest in it and get everything out in the open instead it rattling about in my head :wall:

    Self exclusion means even if i go to the sites it wont let me log on, the danger of doing this is i could just open accounts on new sites BUT i am reluctant to do that because a lot are very dodgy, and it would also mean registering my bank cards.
    you can get total blocks for the PC but would need to ask BF to do that and create a password, if i was to ask him the SWHTF !

    Welcome Catany :wave: Have a dodgy looking cuddle from me :grouphug: :D

    Sorry that you can relate to the relationship woes, its certainly not how it should be and yes we do deserve to be Happy :heart2:

    I could write a novel about my relationship with BF, i wont even get started or i wont shut up!!
    Things is, im reading a lot of the same from other posts lately, seems a lot of people are stuck in "wrong" relationships for all sorts of reasons. :(


    Well i've not had a very productive day, nothing much to add from earlier, only update is Child benefit hasn't been paid which is very unusual its never been late before, ive checked on the HMRC Website, its says my next payment is due in 4 weeks, which implies its been paid today, but not in account. If its not there tomorrow i will have to ring up and see whats going on :think:

    I bottled out of joining slimming world group tonight :o BF is at work and the Girls are at Air Cadets so the lure of a fleecy dressing gown slippers and sofa to myself was too hard to resist! :D
    SPC ~ 6 ~ MEMBER 1873
  • Heffi1Heffi1 Forumite
    1.3K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    AlTeREgO wrote: »

    Don't get me wrong, he can be generous, but its when he thinks im building up cash, like im trying to do now, he goes really tightfisted. I think, that he thinks if i get a good amount of cash behind me i'll leave him....

    * Feeling fed up and a bit confused atm

    If he makes you feel like that then it is probably right to be worried about it, you know him better than I do, but I was in the same sort of situation, I was told I didn't need any money from him, if I wanted any I should work for it....see my signature below, it was not easy to juggle the bills and make sure everyone was fed. My suggestion is to pack parcels for ebay etc. when he is not around, that way you can put the FU pot to good use and he is none the wiser. What he does not know about does not hurt him, also in case you do need to get away, it is better that he doesn't know about any money.

    I am following as much of what you are going through echoes my previous life, and I have to say although it was hard at the time, the best thing I ever did was kick him out, I waited 25 years to do it though and wished I had been stronger to do it earlier.
    :) Been here for a long time and don't often post
  • WantToBeSEWantToBeSE Forumite
    7.7K Posts
    I've been Money Tipped! Debt-free and Proud!
    Good evening Alterego.
    Sounds like self exclusion is a good idea, well done on considering it. When we rely on these things to take focus away from our REAL issues, its hard to let go because it means focusing on what you are really trying to distract yourself from. But it IS possible.

    I agree with Heffi re packaging/posting your ebay stuff when he isnt around. Its probably best that he doesnt know about the FU money.

    My ex got me into debt many years ago, and walked away not owing a penny, everything was in my name, and i spent about 6 years clearing that debt. Then i went and got myself into debt, LOL!
    Oh well, you live and learn!!
  • AlTeREgOAlTeREgO Forumite
    114 Posts
    Thanks for sharing your story Heffi :)

    It is hard to leave him, i feel responsible for him, he moved cities to be with me and has no family here, although he's not close to his family at all, he says i'm all he's got now :(

    He knows im not happy with the relationship, and haven't been for years, but makes no attempts to work things out, he'll agree that things need to change but just slips back into his old routine.

    parts of his personality are very strange to me, he doesn't like other people, everyone were we live are weirdos according to him, he thinks he's above everyone else, although he's not brash, or confident when around other people.

    He has no emotion / epathy, when my dad died i was obviously grieving for him, BF felt left out and decided to tell me so and that he had been tempted to have an affair with a girl at work :(
    we don't have s3x anymore, he's not interested, he likes to cuddle up in bed but thats it.
    he's very needy, much like a child tbh.

    I do blame myself for the situation i've got myself into, looking back now all the warning signs were there when we first met, but i chose to ignore them :wall: i was his 2nd GF @ 27, his only other was a couple of weeks fling. he still lived at home with his parents when we met.
    SPC ~ 6 ~ MEMBER 1873
  • AlTeREgOAlTeREgO Forumite
    114 Posts
    WantToBeSE wrote: »
    When we rely on these things to take focus away from our REAL issues, its hard to let go because it means focusing on what you are really trying to distract yourself from.

    This is so true! Thanks for putting it into words for me :beer:
    SPC ~ 6 ~ MEMBER 1873
  • edited 3 October 2012 at 8:02AM
    AlTeREgOAlTeREgO Forumite
    114 Posts
    edited 3 October 2012 at 8:02AM
    Morning my lovelies :coffee:

    Had a bit of a restless night, Tossing and turning and thinking!!
    why is it, sometimes you feel whacked, head to bed and as soon as your head hits the pillow and the lights are off you brain decides its the perfect time to start running through things and then you can't seem to switch off :mad: and i woke up at stupid 'o clock too!

    Well good news :D
    Phase 1 is complete : I have £200 in current account, by adding CB to this each month and not touching this for ANY thing this account will cover all my Direct debits and tick along nicely as long as i keep adding the CB, doe's that make sense?? :rotfl:
    Basically the account will now look after itself and i can stop worrying about DDs.
    Not sure yet if i should cut the card up for this account? my thinking is i dont physically need / want to touch this cash.

    Child benefit is the only regular cash i get, thats now tied up in Phase 1. (BTW this turned up this morning, strange it being late, but at least its here :)

    So whatever ££s i make from here on in will have to cover everything else i'll need cash for and the FU fund....This could get interesting!! :dance:
    SPC ~ 6 ~ MEMBER 1873
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