Frugal frump to Fab - Astonishing Autum Exquinox to Wondrous Winter Solstice

fedupandskint

Well I feel worse today - so will ring the Dr's for another appt to be seen to be assessed to be fit for work or not.

What I wrote above came from my personal experience. It was the start of the lowest point of my life for the next few years. What I can look back on is this, although we were paralysed by emotion and the situation, I know my father knew we loved him and we were there at the end and as a result my relationship with my mum has evolved into one that is close and sharing lots of experiences and time together and one I cherish and do not take for granted one bit

floss2

^^ What they said.

I can't add anything - as others also have, I've been there, done that & got the T-shirts.

Ladies, give parents / children a hug, just because you can.

lessonlearned

Cherryprint - I noticed your signature. You are doing well with the clutter challenge.

There will be just one problem with selling this house and downsizing - the sheer amount of "stuff". :eek: I will need to do a serious clear out.

A friend of mine got rid of just about everthing when she moved - apart from personal mementoes etc. She just started again. Very brave.

Well - OH's meeting with his Care Manager....

I think OH and I have thrown a hand grenade into the system. The matron was visibily shaken. She has been there for over 25 years and although she is very kind and well meaning I think she may have become a bit complacent.

She is very quiet and gentle - qualities that I like and admire in a person but I'm afraid she is also very ineffectual. Perhaps she is just too trusting and naive with the staff but the bulk of the carers seem to run rings round her. She seemed genuinely shocked and completely taken by surprise at some of the revelations that came out today. She was clearly very upset.

I actually felt rather sorry for her and rather guilty when the Care Manager announced that there would be a further review in 2 months time - quote "to see what improvements have been made".

I think a full report will be made and it will all become very official now - with "recommendations" being made to the owners and directors of the home. Basically they will be told to unloosen the purse strings, make improvements and get more staff or else.

Although OH didn't want it broadcast that he had made complaints it is obvious to anyone with an ounce of nous what was happening because a couple of the nurses (not carers) have spoken to me in the past couple of days to thank me for taking this matter up.

Many of the senior nursing staff have been at the home for many years and they have confirmed what I had suspected ie the current owners (new ones who took over 4 years ago) are being rather too business orientated and profit driven and have been cutting costs to the bone.

OH was not assessed for Continuing Care as I had hoped. the Care Manager is still working his way through the system in order to set this up. If a Care Manager can be given the run around - then what hope do we mortals have.

At least his eyes have been well and truly opened. I feel like a "whistleblower":o Still I'm hoping that at the very least now that our concerns are "official" the Matron will be forced to deal with things and take her staff in hand.

It was a very emotional day for OH and I and after watching "Nick NIckleby" - very good by the way - I got them to put him to bed - he was shattered by it all.

I'm feeling very tired too, so a little rest, a nice supper and an easy evening.

Supper tonight is very simple but one of DS2's favourites - bacon and brie melts on ciabatta bread. Rather heavy on the calories but delicious and very quick and easy.

I also have some Haagen Das with my name on it - purely medicinal you understand :rotfl:- to soothe my sore throat.

Bye for now X

podperson

Hewie - I'm so sorry hun, don't know what to say but am thinking of you - and think some very good advice from Sparkles and LL on trying to make the most of whatever time she may have left x

LL - I'm glad they seem to be finally recognising the problems you've been seeing for a while. Tbh I wouldn't be feeling bad for the matron, she may be nice but at the end of day she should be on top of and aware of these things - the care of those people is her responsibilty so it's no good her tiptoeing around and leaving her staff to things!

Bit tired today, working on OH's thing and is starting to make my head spin a bit. He had a meeting with his tutor for it yesterday and she apparently wants it all outlined and chapters in for next week - I don't think it's going to happen! Tbh I don't see the point in them asking for little bits and bats to be done - I'll finish going through all the research and then write the thing - simple as, surely? Bit behind on Nano at the moment so hoping can get caught up some tonight.

evilsquid1603

Hewie - im so sorry. im sending you all my love xx

hugs to everyone else that needs them too! xx

sorry i've been a bit absent, i've had an utter nightmare week or so at work. the other girl is getting worse (this afternoon involved 2 hours printing off and alphabetising emails and then 30 mins writing a perfectly neat colour coded to-do list for tomorrow while i battle a weeks work of work she's claimed she's "sooooo busy" she cant take. then to top it all off i got told off for not completing some work and had our boss who isn't supposed to be our boss anymore shouting at me because "people" cherry pick work and "people" ignore work when it's sent. i love how i'm to blame for trying to pick up the 90% of the work that comes in to us that i have so obviously cherry picked! i've asked to speak to a higher up manager tomorrow, i cant carry on with this, im making mistakes now cz i've so much on i'm loosing track and my heads all over the place and this boss is making me dread having to come to work. im thinking of asking to be moved away from her and saying i dont know what i've done for her to be like this with me and im fine with it if its just a clash of personalities but i seem to get everything that should be aimed at the two of us and I think itd be better all round if i were in another room.

mineallmine

Hewie - I can feel your pain and shock. This is where I found I had to adapt for a dear friend - it was tough - but she didn't want me crying into her lap. She wanted to chat, for me to do things and so on. Reading your post made me think that I may hold two Christmases this year. One also on the 25 November. Just because we can. That might be a nice thing for you to do. It doesn't have to be all crackers and hats but a good meal with those you love is what it's all about. If you need to cry try to do it away from Mum, really cry your heart out. Get your kids to make some things for her. Think how you can make simple everyday things even more special. Sending you love and support :A

25 November is on a Sunday who else is up for a mini Christmas that day? Is that near Thanksgiving too?

Hewie29

Thank you all for your lovely words and advise, its means so very much to me and my family, I feel so humble that you have all taken time out for me.

I've been to work today, thought it would be hard but once I got going it was good to have my mind on other things.

I'm very lucky that my parents only live about a mile away so I can pop in whenever, I've left them alone today, I think they need time to get their heads round everything and to have some time together. I finish work at 2 tomorrow so I'll pop in on my way home and see if they want to do anything special at the weekend.

Its a shame my brother is not about as I know mum would love to see him, but he had to return to the states for work on sunday and is not back until next weekend. I'm not sure how much he knows as mum spoke to my sil yesterday and from the texts I've had from her it sounds like she hasn't been told everything, but thats prob not a bad thing, DB can't come home any earlier so no point worrying them anymore.

Once again many many thanks, it really does mean so very much to me - Judy xxxx

Hewie29

Mineallmine, that is a very good idea about 2 christmas's, and I think you're right about thanksgiving on 25th Nov, I always thought it was on 25th.

Might be an idea to do a special meal on that weekend as it will be the first one DB is home for the whole weekend.

lizzie157

So sorry Hewie, don't know what else to say except you've had some good advice on here and I'm thinking of you and your family. x

Don't be embarrassed about bringing the home's shortcomings out into the open LL, I'm sure the people in there and their families will be very gratefull.

Got my first creative writing assignment back, did get a better mark than I thought. I think I might be over thinking some aspects of it instead of following my instincts so will try and take this on board for next one.Need to get on with it before xmas as it's due v. early in the new yr.
Have just spent an hour or so with DS3 writing a cover letter and CV for a part -time job in a well known discount store. OMG I can't for the life of me understand why when you apply for a job these days you have to write a load of bullsh*t saying how wonderful it would be to work there and thinking of over the top reasons why you'd be good at sitting on a till or stacking shelves. We know it's cr*p they know it's cr*p so why pretend otherwise? Lets face it most people only want to work in these sort of jobs for the money - end of. Sorry rant over.:o It just really p*sses me off and what made me even more annoyed was DS3 has no idea how to write a proper letter.:mad: He was in the top set at school and yet this isn't the first time I've helped him with letters, unfortunately it wasn't something they practised so he forgets over time and I have to remind him. Maybe I'm old fashoined but I still think everyone should need to know how to do this.

floss2

My boys were taught (well I think they were ) to write letters at their school, but they are both in their mid-twenties now, so things may have changed since then. I agree with you Lizzie that everyone should know how to do this, it's a fact of life nowadays, even though it can be a bit on the ridiculous side at times!