Frugal frump to Fab - Astonishing Autum Exquinox to Wondrous Winter Solstice

WelshWoofer

Hewie - I'm not at all religious but I am thinking of you and your family. So sorry to hear your news. Can't think of anything constructive to say but please do know that we are all here for you to lean on and vent/cry/have a rant. Lots of heartfelt love and hugs, Rachel . xxxxx

floss2

Big hug Hewie. PM if you want to, I have been there with both parents so can understand how you feel. I don't really do religion but am thinking of you and your family xx

Bitsy_Beans

Hewie I really don't have any words to make a crappy day from hell any better. I hope your mum makes the best decision for her and that you all enjoy the time you have left together. Much love to you all, am thinking of you and your family xxxxx

maman

I've had a couple of cancer scares myself (fortunately easily fixed)in the past few years Hewie so have a tiny idea of how helplessly out of control you must be feeling. You and your family are in my thoughts and do feel free to offload on here if it helps.

Everhopeful09

Evening All,

Hewie can only echo what everyone else is saying thinking of you and your family. Your in my thoughts. Love & hugs to you. Xx

lessonlearned

Oh Hewie - I am so so sorry. I will be thinking of you.

fedupandskint

Hewie, I realise what I write here doesn't change a thing. I have been through something similar with my late father and all I can say is this, tell your mother everything you ever want her to know, spend the time with her you can - you don't get a second chance to do either of these and although it brings little comfort at the time, it can bring comfort when needed that there is nothing left unsaid or too late x

lessonlearned

Sparkles - that is such wonderful advice.

Hewie - I agree with this. My mum has clear signs of dementia. At the moment she is just at the fortgetful/short term memory loss stage. She is still very lucid most of the time. Now when I visit my parents I make sure that we have time to just sit and gossip.

Similarly with my husband, he likes it when we reminisce over old times. In fact at the moment I am reading his memoirs to him. He wrote them a few years ago and wants to update them.

At the moment I just read a few pages and then we expand on them and talk about the incidents or topics. We can spend hours just talking.

One thing I really miss is my husband's voice - it has now changed beyond all recognition. I wish I had had the foresight to make some recordings of his voice or make short films.

I have known a few people who have lost their loved ones without warning. They died suddenly. My friends all say the same thing - they wished they had had the time to say Goodbye and to talk.

I would wholeheartedly second Sparkle's advice. Talk with your mother, sit and gossip, laugh and giggle. Ask her to talk about her early life etc. When she is gone all those memories and family secrets will go with her. Encourage her to tell you her life story, pass on her tips for living etc.

My mum likes going through family photo albums. Take her on a few special little outings on the days when she is well enough. Buy her little treats, her favourite cakes or sweeties.

Yesterday my parents really enjoyed tucking into their Danish pastries and my mum's face lit up when she saw the roses I had taken her. £5 for flowers and cake is nothing when it gives such pleasure.

Same with my OH, he has difficulty in eating certain foods so I often take him little treats. Plan for the time when she can't do much. I bought my OH a bird table so he could sit and watch the birds when he was resting. Now we do the same at the nursing home. I wheel him into the conservatory and we just sit in the sun and watch the birds.

Although it can be unbearably sad sometimes I know that in a funny sort of way these last few months/years whatever are really precious and that one day I will treasure the time we spent together.

At least I will have had time to say Goodbye and will be ready to "let him go".

Today we have a meeting with his Care Manager and OH will have another needs assessment. I'm hoping he now passes the criteria for Continuing Health Care so that I can get him into a better facility.

I doubt it somehow - I'm not going to build up my hopes too much but I will keep fighting.

I have a splitting headache this morning. still fighting the lurgy....

bratz81

Hewie - I'm so sorry to hear about your mum, and second the advice from sparkles and LL

Bitsy_Beans

fedupandskint wrote: »

Hewie, I realise what I write here doesn't change a thing. I have been through something similar with my late father and all I can say is this, tell your mother everything you ever want her to know, spend the time with her you can - you don't get a second chance to do either of these and although it brings little comfort at the time, it can bring comfort when needed that there is nothing left unsaide or too late x

I am eternally grateful when I gave my mum a hug yesterday I told her how much I loved her.

This is lovely advice. When H's cousin had been given a week (she lasted 5 in the end) we went down to see her and he had the opportunity to sit and talk to her, on his own about family and memories growing up. It was very precious for him and whilst ultimately it was never going to change the prognosis it gave them much needed time to say what they wanted to. I hope through the tears sure to come you still find things to laugh at with her Hewie xxx

I have the lurgy cold, glands hurts. But I can't stop, too much to do house fabbing wise. So the personal fabbing will be nursing myself lots and lots of drugs. and coffee

LL sending you positive vibes for assessment today xxx