Am I being unreasonable?

Mindless_Clone

OP, what strikes me most about this thread is the fact a lot of people (me included to start with) have offered opinions/advice that is measured and sensible. I don't think I've seen you say thank you to any of them? Have you?
Nope, just checked, not a single thank you from you in the thread. Not even a single thank you button hit by you for anyone's post here. Instead, you've chosen to highlight the less pleasant comments (which, admittedly, were a little unnecessary) and thrown silly childish insults about. And then accused others of being childish. Just in case you aren't aware what that is, see post #27.

You may well be a real person posting a real concern but your behaviour here is still coming across as trollish, so much so that I nearly hit report on you last night as a troll, I was so convinced you were. It appears you are all too real and I am sorry about that.

You're obviously incredibly inexperienced at using forums. I suspect you came here seeking affirmation, and I suspect your vexation is a symptom of you not getting that. Unfortunately OP, putting yourself "out there" comes with the risk that some people might not agree at all, and they might not be too nice and "fluffy" about it. There are a lot of people here on MSE who are argumentative b*ggers and it can be quite frustrating at times. It's best to just ignore those comments though, because if you bite, you're generally giving folk the argument they want and you end up making yourself look silly.

Getting back on topic though this poster may have a pretty valid point:

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Really? Are you paying for your own keep too, or might your parents be showing you lots of consideration and generosity?

Without knowing your full financial set up and what else you do or don't contribute into the household, it's impossible to judge your reasonableness in this one case. In short, your mum's actions might be reflective of a bigger issue regarding money and you need to examine your financial arrangements as a whole and discuss this with her. Alternatively, if you still think she's being unreasonable, tell her.

iammarmite

photome wrote: »

Something the OP may not understand

Dusty kitten- do your children contribute towards that petrol you pay for to pick them up. Seeing as we are all being treated as typical, indecent human beings here- I'm going to say no. Thats the difference between me and them. I don't expect a free taxi if someone is going out of their way and putting a hole in their night for me.

VfM4meplse

Why don't you think of all the sacrifices your parents will have made for you in the past before you start opening an accounting ledger of what you have contributed. We all know you owe a much larger financial debt to your parents.

You've accused others of being immature, yet you're the one who doesn't seem to understand that in a family, the concept of give and take is a two-way street. Even though you say you pay your own way, you're still benefiting from the economies of scale your parent's home provides. Grow up and learn to stand on your own two feet and then start counting the pennies.

You're not even 21 and you already think the world owes you a living, not a great start in life :whistle:

iammarmite

Mindless_Clone wrote: »

OP, what strikes me most about this thread is the fact a lot of people (me included to start with) have offered opinions/advice that is measured and sensible. I don't think I've seen you say thank you to any of them? Have you?
Nope, just checked, not a single thank you from you in the thread. Not even a single thank you button hit by you for anyone's post here. Instead, you've chosen to highlight the less pleasant comments (which, admittedly, were a little unnecessary) and thrown silly childish insults about. And then accused others of being childish. Just in case you aren't aware what that is, see post #27.

You may well be a real person posting a real concern but your behaviour here is still coming across as trollish, so much so that I nearly hit report on you last night as a troll, I was so convinced you were. It appears you are all too real and I am sorry about that.

You're obviously incredibly inexperienced at using forums. I suspect you came here seeking affirmation, and I suspect your vexation is a symptom of you not getting that. Unfortunately OP, putting yourself "out there" comes with the risk that some people might not agree at all, and they might not be too nice and "fluffy" about it. There are a lot of people here on MSE who are argumentative b*ggers and it can be quite frustrating at times. It's best to just ignore those comments though, because if you bite, you're generally giving folk the argument they want and you end up making yourself look silly.

Getting back on topic though this poster may have a pretty valid point:




Without knowing your full financial set up and what else you do or don't contribute into the household, it's impossible to judge your reasonableness in this one case. In short, your mum's actions might be reflective of a bigger issue regarding money and you need to examine your financial arrangements as a whole and discuss this with her. Alternatively, if you still think she's being unreasonable, tell her.

Your right, thank you for your advice. I think anyone would pick up on the negative comments first. I think that's just part of my human instinct and I don't believe for a second that I'm the only one.

I'm obviously not willing to post how money I get a month. I have my JSA, and my DLA- again, feel free to bash all you like nothing I haven't heard before and I didn't ask to be born with Cerebal Palsay- in fact if anyone knows a magic cure to take it a way- please let me know. I'd be more than happy to sacrific that money.

As I will point out- I am not an indecent human being. I have been tarred with the brush that I am the typical JSA claimant- but I'm not. I have manners, I am polite and I know how to respect people regardless of whether I agree with what they are saying or not....and I'm 20 years old.

I may have been a little immature with some of my postings....but it's nothing that 90% of the other posters on here haven't done, and I bet you some of them are twice my age and more.

So I will point out.....no I'm not your typical young adult, and no- I'm not your typical JSA claimant. And believe me I know this from experience as I deal with many of these on a weekly and daily basis.

iammarmite

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Why don't you think of all the sacrifices your parents will have made for you in the past before you start opening an accounting ledger of what you have contributed. We all know you owe a much larger financial debt to your parents.

You've accused others of being immature, yet you're the one who doesn't seem to understand that in a family, the concept of give and take is a two-way street. Even though you say you pay your own way, you're still benefiting from the economies of scale your parent's home provides. Grow up and learn to stand on your own two feet and then start counting the pennies.

You're not even 21 and you already think the world owes you a living, not a great start in life :whistle:

I certainly have done before you climb aboard your soapbox.

My parents haven't paid a penny for anything for me since I was 13/14. My grandparents paid my school fees- and I buy them things as that thank you even now despite leaving school three years ago. Unfortunately I don't have £45,000 to give them or I happily would.

Anyway....since 14? Paid for a lot of my own food, my own clothes. My own entertainment....everything really. Generous gifts at Christmas (usually a lot more than me and my brother get but it doesn't bother me in the slightest)


You keep coming at me all you want....because I guarantee to you I will have a come back.

Spottedleopard

Personally OP if all of what your saying is true then you sound alright to me. Maybe just be the bigger person and walk away.

I do have to agree that what comes from a 20 year old isn't always the truth...in fact most the time it isn't. But there are cases when it is the posters will give you their experience based on what they know and what their children do. Some people let this cloud their judgement others (like myself) don't. Some people walk all over their parents like they are doormats and/or have done it to their own. No point in anyone arguing that fact because it is true. I'm 24 and I have a friend the same age who still lives rent free and has a mother who waits on him hand and foot.

I have an absolute obnoxious little so and so of a 18 year old sister. Didnt know the meaning of the word thank you when a car was brought for her birthday..never mind buying me something which was decent of you but you seem to already know that. There isn't much else you can do obviously to say thank you apart from giving your mum some money towards the actual cost of the car which I can't imagine was like spending money for your daily milk and bread from the corner shop.

Sgt_Pepper_2

iammarmite wrote: »

I certainly have done before you climb aboard your soapbox.

My parents haven't paid a penny for anything for me since I was 13/14. My grandparents paid my school fees- and I buy them things as that thank you even now despite leaving school three years ago. Unfortunately I don't have £45,000 to give them or I happily would.

Anyway....since 14? Paid for a lot of my own food, my own clothes. My own entertainment....everything really. Generous gifts at Christmas (usually a lot more than me and my brother get but it doesn't bother me in the slightest)


You keep coming at me all you want....because I guarantee to you I will have a come back.

You are the result of a private education?

iammarmite

Sgt_Pepper wrote: »

You are the result of a private education?

What is it that you were deprived of as a child that makes you think it's acceptable to bully somebody? Grow up. Open your front door. Put your keyboard down.

And people call me a troll :rotfl:

mattyprice4004

I also live around 30 minutes from the nearest large town, and have been unemployed for around a week. I have 2 job interviews on Monday, which I found out about on Friday.

Instead of smoking and arguing about the car, go out to town, find a job there (hand a well written CV in to everywhere, apply to McDonalds etc online) and you'll have something before you know it.

I have several friends who claim there's nothing out there and they've not had an interview in months etc, and I have 2 after a week of searching. Luck? No, it's about how hard you try. Are you out there every day looking?

This post is meant to be supportive, and not having a dig. It's tough out there, but the opportunities are out there. Prove the nay-sayers wrong, put the fags and the keyboard down, smarten yourself up and get the printer fired up.

This is probably the most supportive thing I've ever written on MSE.. must be this new orange juice!

Wongsky

iammarmite wrote: »

What is it that you were deprived of as a child that makes you think it's acceptable to bully somebody? Grow up. Open your front door. Put your keyboard down.

And people call me a troll :rotfl:

You may well get called a troll - and in fairness, starting with threads like this, is indicative.

You only post your perspective of the story, and expect a forum will arbitrate, appear affronted when people suggest that people your age, have a comprehensive reputation for still being a financial burden on their parents, and seem to determined to argue against every point of detraction, whilst still claiming some aspects are none of anybody elses' business - apparently oblivious to that being a stark contradiction of already posting a personal / family situation on an internet forum, for the rest of a forum to opine on.

And let's have no nonsense about wanting general feedback, positive and negative on the situation - most people only do so to try and gather voice of support for their position - really, it's only done as a sort of self-affirming justification - which is often why you see such threads with the OP always being so defensive.

If you don't like your conditions at home, then make your own way in the world. Can't remember what age you said you were, but I transitioned from school, to sixth form (did some part-time seasonal work at that age), straight to a full time job, once my full-time education (sixth form) finished. Up to that point, I was probably still a financial burden on my parents - although I tried to help when I could.

I didn't drive at that age (didn't actually buy a car until I was 26), didn't have any true motivation to try and use my dad's car. But left home, under my own steam, and bought my own house at the age of 20. That's not to say that none of my family helped me buy the house - but I didn't require it, nor did I ask them - in 1990, my parents gave me £1000 and my maternal grandmother £500 - so £1500 in total, that they offered, I didn't ask, demand, or expect it, although it certainly helped at the time - I would have still done it without that, and when I started to plan it, I hadn't done so on the expectation of such generosity from my family.

And for a good few years, about all I could really afford, was to pay for my house, and buy a bike (that I used to commute, and for mountain biking, as was my want, back then), for a good while I wouldn't have been able to afford a car. That said, I stood on my own two feet - I didn't do so, ever needing to rely on my parents for help financially with now owning and running a house - so I never popped 'round for a brew, really with the agenda of borrowing a few quid.

I only then bought a car, some years laer, when I decided to (in true Norman Tebbit-esque manner - albeit rather metaphorically, rather than literally) to "get on my bike" to spread my wings, career wise. And rather ironically, it was more "get off my bike and into a car". Career wise, that was a plus - for health, well-being and happiness, I'd have rather stuck with the bike. That's life. Apart from actually cycling on the roads, these days, with exponentially increasing lack of tolerance from drivers, for anybody not getting about using an engine or motor of some descriptioin - I still think my life would be better on several counts, not having a car to use, and having to get about a lot more on my own steam.

Moral of the story: as consumerism has expanded, all our "wants" seem to become "needs".

True point I'm trying to get across, if as you grow up, you don't really like how your parents are about something - then stand up on your own two feet, and make your own way in life. And I suspect, with a bit of time and perspective, most will find they appreciate their parents a lot more, and realise how much they did for us / you.