What is your opinion on children before marriage?

margaretclare

glitter_fairy wrote: »

I dont really care what others do but for me there is no way I would have a baby with someone I wsnt married to. And I dont mean I would marry someone just because I was pregnant.

I completely agree. I'm glad that there are some people who still feel this way. There may be a couple of generations between you and me and you probably don't have the reasons I had for this decision, but nevertheless, you've come to the same choice that I made all those years ago.

Lotus-eater

glitter_fairy wrote: »

I dont really care what others do but for me there is no way I would have a baby with someone I wsnt married to. And I dont mean I would marry someone just because I was pregnant.

So if you got pregnant by accident and you didn't want to marry this person, or he didn't want to marry you, would you have an abortion then?

glitter_fairy

margaretclare wrote: »

I completely agree. I'm glad that there are some people who still feel this way. There may be a couple of generations between you and me and you probably don't have the reasons I had for this decision, but nevertheless, you've come to the same choice that I made all those years ago.

I am in the minority of people of my age i meet as in I was married before i had children, they have the same father and we are still together.

In fact in my husbands family of our generation we are the only couple that who have children that are married.

glitter_fairy

Lotus-eater wrote: »

So if you got pregnant by accident and you didn't want to marry this person, or he didn't want to marry you, would you have an abortion then?

Yes I would. Im not saying everyone should make my choices but its what I feel is right for me.

margaretclare

puddy wrote: »

im not of that generation but i have had to interview lots of couples about their relationship and the amount of times people say that about their marriage, they simply wanted to have sex and move out of home

I imagine that I am of the generation you're talking about. That has never been my way of thinking and I've never heard that particular comment, about the cow. However, the year of my first marriage - 1957 - I knew of about a dozen girls in and around the village where I grew up, and of those, the majority were pregnant at the altar. I was one of the minority who wasn't.

Lotus-eater

I'm the same as glitter_fairy, in that I don't care what anyone else does.

I was never bothered, in fact we are married now, but had 2 children before marriage.

Judging what other people do, is smallminded and only shows up the persons rigid views, that they must be right.

Thankfully, we have never come across any judgemental people since we had kids.

While I personally think that children are better off in a one man, one woman stable relationship, I can also see that this is not always the case.

seven-day-weekend

margaretclare wrote: »

I imagine that I am of the generation you're talking about. That has never been my way of thinking and I've never heard that particular comment, about the cow. However, the year of my first marriage - 1957 - I knew of about a dozen girls in and around the village where I grew up, and of those, the majority were pregnant at the altar. I was one of the minority who wasn't.

This was true of my friends too in 1971. I was the only one who was not pregnant when I got married. In fact we were married nearly nine years before we had our son (by choice).

glitter_fairy

Lotus-eater wrote: »

Judging what other people do, is smallminded and only shows up the persons rigid views, that they must be right.

Thankfully, we have never come across any judgemental people since we had kids.

While I personally think that children are better off in a one man, one woman stable relationship, I can also see that this is not always the case.

Thats so true, also who has the time to sit and judge others.

As long as the children are loved and well cared for thats what matters.

alwaysonthego_2

I was married to my first husband for ten years and we had two children two years into the marriage, however I divorced him as he was very abusive. I met my second husband, due to the nurse messing up my contraceptive implant i.e not fitting it in my arm (it fell on the floor we think) and the condom splitting I got pregnant straight away, but we decided to take responsibilty and wanted to provide all three children stabilty, we got married when our baby was nine months and we are very happy. People say we are still in the honeymoon stage of our relationship and we laugh as we never got to have that with me being severely ill during pregnancy and the duty of having three young children can take a toll on one's relationship, but we are so happy and the children are excelling. I have found from my experience to never judge.

Idiophreak

glitter_fairy wrote: »

Thats so true, also who has the time to sit and judge others.

As long as the children are loved and well cared for thats what matters.

What if they're not, though? Can you judge then?

Personally, I definitely judge mothers I see smoking whilst holding their baby. I judge people I see effing, blinding and beating their children in supermarkets and I judge plenty of other people I see generally mistreating their children.

I have to say, I'd never really considered that this makes me smallminded....but if that's the case, I'd rather be that way than just not care.