What is your opinion on children before marriage?

Aubergine_2

Thanks for the advice. We've just bought our first house in joint names and I'm now in the process of organising our wills. We can get them done free so much cheaper than a wedding anyway!

surfboard2

I'm not one of those people who look down on others for having a baby outside wedlock, but it's not something i'll be doing myself.

mrcow

simply_tash wrote: »

I'm not one of those people who look down on others for having a baby outside wedlock,

:rotfl:

Glad to hear it. Because if you were, that would make you a right knob.

surfboard2

mrcow wrote: »

:rotfl:

Glad to hear it. Because if you were, that would make you a right knob.

lol, i must know plenty of "knobs" then.

anguk

Both my children were born out of wedlock and we're still not married even though those 2 children are now adults! We just never felt any pressing need to get married, we're not against it but we don't think it's important either, for us it really would just be a piece of paper.

I know some people feel that marriage shows your love and commitment to each other but I think being together for the last 27 years shows love and commitment too. As for the financial side side of things we've always made sure that it was covered and we would each be protected if anything happened.

I guess it's up to the individuals concerned, if they want to get married then so be it, if they don't then they don't have to. That said I do think it's important to have a stable relationship before having children but even with marriage relationships can and do break down. Who is to say which is better for the child, two divorced parents who live apart or two unmarried parents who live together?

I think if you could get married online like you can apply for a driving licence I may consider it.

miss_independent

I'm in my twenties and would definitely never be ok with having children outside of marriage. My faith plays a big part in that decision but even if I had no faith (though its hard to imagine!) I feel that I still would make the same decision. For me marriage is the most stable foundation I could think of for bringing children into the world and I do believe in marriage despite seeing alot of separation, affairs and divorce growing up. People try and burst your bubble saying, "Just because you get married doesn't mean that it isn't going to fall apart you know and you could still end up a single parent?" Yes, I DO know but at least I would know I'd done everything in my power to give lay the most stable and protective (legally, financially, emotionally) foundations as possible for my children.

I see marriage as a lifelong committment and one that does require a level of personal sacrifice and hard work so I do see that it isn't for everyone. I also don't see the Wedding as the focal point, for me it is the Marriage that is everything to me so if I was in a position where I had met the right person to be my husband but didn't have alot of money for a big wedding then I'm afraid my big wedding would just have to become a simple one rather than postpone it for ten or fifteen years until it could rival something in OK magazine :rotfl:. Anyway, its the marriage vows, making a lifelong commitment to the man I love and the religious part that matters to me the most. Personally, its important to me that the marriage is blessed before starting a family.

I want children VERY much and have always had a strong desire to be a mother. Of course, if I do not find a husband that means I will never have children and this depresses me sometimes. Other women may decide to use a surrogate or a sperm donor or even adopt as a single parent but for me, I know it wouldn't be right as I want my children to be brought into the world and hopefully raised with both a mother and a father. I would see me choosing to be a single mother as very selfish on my part. Please do not think I feel this about mothers or fathers who, through no fault of their own find themselves being a single parent. There is a huge difference and whilst other women may be okay to use a sperm donor and intentionally bring a child into the world with one parent, I have thought about it and I just couldn't.

Some of my friends think I'm very old fashioned but others agree that they want to be married then have children. One of my friends is extremely critical of me, thinking I live in the dark ages even though I have never passed any judgement on her choice to have a child with a man she only knew for three months. She "knew she was going to marry him anyway and wanted the baby to be in the wedding." I watched her cry throughout her pregnancy after he may have slept with a prostitute on a stag weekend, after he hit her, refused to buy anything for baby etc etc. Six years on, he is an alcoholic, he is violent every so often, and they are both miserable. She is scared to leave him as he owns the house (though she pays have the mortgage from her wages) and she can't afford to live in as nice an area on one wage. She still lives in hope they will eventually marry but they have been engaged since before she was pregnant. I also have other friends however who happily live with their partner and children and have no intention of getting married and other friends who married first then had children and again they are very happy too.

puddy

Idiophreak wrote: »

Meh, I've (bizarrely) spoken to quite a few older ladies on the subject...and quite a lot of them just don't see the point in it if you're going to live together first...you'd be surprised how often the phrase "why buy the cow..." comes up....

im not of that generation but i have had to interview lots of couples about their relationship and the amount of times people say that about their marriage, they simply wanted to have sex and move out of home

seven-day-weekend

scottishchick27 wrote: »

Did the courting, lived together for 3 years, bought a house, had a baby. Eleven years later we are still together and baby number 2 is due next month. I changed my surname to his and we have written wills. Our daughter has security. My parents have been married 38 years and my grandparents have been married 60 years. I don't need to be married to teach my daughter and soon to be son stability and security and certainly don't need it for there to be love.

Agreed. But why NOT get married if you love each other and have children together?

19lottie82

I'd like to be married when / if I have a baby. I'm not 100% sure it will work out that way, but I hope it does. It wouldn't be the end of the world, if it didn't but it would be my preference. I'm not totally sure why, I think it's just something about bringing a child in to a (supposedly) more cemented relationship / family.

glitter_fairy

I dont really care what others do but for me there is no way I would have a baby with someone I wsnt married to. And I dont mean I would marry someone just because I was pregnant.