Should a3year old sit at the table to eat

fawd1

sassyblue wrote: »

I'm that poster.

You're not saying when your child didn't want to get dressed you forcibly dressed him are you?

You probably did the same as me, you got them to do things by encouragement, sometimes more of a 'battle' than other times, they are after all only three years old. It's not meant to be a doddle. :cool:

Actually that's exactly what I'm saying. Although technically I suppose you could say I gave him an option. I told him we could do this the easy way or the hard way. He picked the hard way.

And to the poster who said I'm not very good at encouraging, I'm very good at it when I want to be. The difference is that I suscribe more to the "I'm the adult, so when it comes down to it, you're going to do as you're told" school of thought. They are children. Sorry to anyone it offends, but I'm not going to allow my children to dictate to me on what/how they eat/wear/behave. They have a certain amount of choice, certainly, but the buck stops with me and their father. As they get older, they'll get more freedom, but these are preschool children we're discussing. When did it become acceptable to let them dictate the rules? I may sound like my mother but hey "When you live under my house you live by my rules"

I should point out that neither my parents nor I are ogres by the way. The kids are perfectly happy, boisterous little boys, they just know when enough is enough.

fawd1

I should also add that I do start off by encouraging my children to do things. They are asked to do things nicely first, then somewhat less nicely and then they're no longer asked, they're told.

fawd1

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Depends on how you encourage them - doesn't it?

And it depends on the definition of 'make'. Forcing a child to sit at the table on their own for food and not leave until the plate is cleared; is miles away from not giving them any pudding if they get down or don't make a decent attempt at eating their food.

Chasing the child round with a bowl of porridge is not the way to go though!

I completely agre with this. And I never make them finish their food. Once I think they've had a decent amount, they don't have to eat any more. This is more of an issue with my youngest who has no interest in food at all, and would quite happily only eat once a day. The reality is though that sometimes they don't want to sit down because they'd rather be playing. I understand that, but as I'm not going to make/reheat/reserve the meal later when they're more in the mood, then they sit at the table. Again, the only "punishment" for not eating the bulk of their food is no pudding. if they're not hungry for the main course, then surely they can't be hungry for strawberries or ice cream?.......:rotfl:

fawd1

sassyblue wrote: »

You don't make a child do anything, you encourage them with bribery

Sorry, but surely "encouragement with bribery" is just bribery? :rotfl:

Tiglath

My SIL was forced to sit at the table by her father, and if she wouldn't eat the food on her plate, she sat there until dinner time hours later when she was given the non-eaten lunch to eat and nothing else. She grew up with a lot of food issues, and has allowed her own kids complete control at mealtimes. They're nightmares - run around and won't eat their dinners because they know if they whine, they'll get taken out for McDs a bit later. Not helped by Granny piling their plates with portions that a grown man would struggle to make a dent in. There's got to be a sensible middle ground - I gather I was picky eater. I don't recall being forced to sit at the table, but certainly by the time I reached school age I was expected to eat a spoonful of each item, at which point I was allowed to get down and play. I do agree that the OP has the right to make his own rules in his own house, although I don't envy him with his wife and his daughter both having different views to his - good luck sir

thatgirlsam

fawd1 wrote: »

Sorry, but surely "encouragement with bribery" is just bribery? :rotfl:

I don't mind doing a bit of bribery on the odd occasion, but to be honest I'd rather be straight with my kids. As in, you should do this because it is the right thing to do (or whatever actual reason there is for doing it). Not, you you should do this and I will give you a smartie (or whatever the bribe is). What is that actually teaching them! :rotfl:

cord123

My three year old will sit at the dinner table and knows that he has to ask to get down from the table and knows not to even ask until everyone is finished. We would never make him eat every scrap but he does know he will get no pudding if he doesnt eat his dinner. This has been the rule since year dot.... if we go to a restaurant I may take a colouring book and pens to keep him occupied and someone may take him for a walk around while we are waiting for food etc but no way would he be allowed to get down after the food had been served. x

sassyblue

fawd1 wrote: »

Sorry, but surely "encouragement with bribery" is just bribery? :rotfl:

True, it should be encouragement/bribery/distraction etc. :rotfl:

Just to add, l knew we were doing the same thing, it's just how l described it and l agree with the points you've made on this page. We're the adults, the kids have to learn these things BUT l choose my 'battles' otherwise all day everyday would be a battle with a 3 year old, and l refuse to be at loggerheads, l prefer a more peaceful, reasoning approach and it hasn't failed me yet.

Kids are all different and we just have to work out what works with them to get them to do things quickly with the minimum of fuss. The point l'm trying to make to the OP, is don't write the poor child off, he's 3 and he WILL learn his table manners, but OP's got to work with grandmother and change the way they approach meal times to achieve what they want.

It's no good saying 'l'm right, some anonymous people on the internet said so', you've got to work together. Get your grandsons favourite toys on the table, if it's a cuddly toy set him a place at the table and say you're having a picnic, if it's some toy cars, line a few up and tell him they're going to watch him eat his breakfast like a big boy, you know those sorts of things. Make it a game instead of a trial.

System

Just because its easier to let littlies eat on the go doesnt mean its right. Not only that, they make enough mess sitting at a table let alone having it trod into the floor.

However, if it was my grand daughter i wouldnt make a song and dance about it, her rules, her choice but i certainly wouldnt let my grandchild 'feed and run' in my house.

Margaret52129

fawd1 wrote: »

Actually that's exactly what I'm saying. Although technically I suppose you could say I gave him an option. I told him we could do this the easy way or the hard way. He picked the hard way.

And to the poster who said I'm not very good at encouraging, I'm very good at it when I want to be. The difference is that I suscribe more to the "I'm the adult, so when it comes down to it, you're going to do as you're told" school of thought. They are children. Sorry to anyone it offends, but I'm not going to allow my children to dictate to me on what/how they eat/wear/behave. They have a certain amount of choice, certainly, but the buck stops with me and their father. As they get older, they'll get more freedom, but these are preschool children we're discussing. When did it become acceptable to let them dictate the rules? I may sound like my mother but hey "When you live under my house you live by my rules"

I should point out that neither my parents nor I are ogres by the way. The kids are perfectly happy, boisterous little boys, they just know when enough is enough.

I totally agree here. My daughter does this with her boys and I call it tough love. They are really great kids, polite and you can take them out to a restaraunt knowing they will behave. IMHO I think OP's daughter and wife are making a rod for their own back, and I it will be much more stressful to correct bad eating habits when child has to comply with school/nursery rules.

As regard to differing rules at grandparents homes, I try to copy my daughters way of bringing up her boys but if I do allow them certain things she normally doesn't do (give them a few sweets mid morning/afternoon for example), then I always tell her and she says at the end of the day, she knows I love them to bits and as long as it isn't doesn't distrupt their day to day living, then she's ok with it. When they are all eating at my house, we usually are reading off the same page and if mum/dad tell them off for whatever reason, I stay schtum as it's their children. The MIL on the otherhand, sometimes underminines my DD and that can cause tensions between them. Only last week DGS left the table during a meal at Grans and DD said he will not be allowed back up and his plate was going to be taken away, and MIL said loudly, no, let him back, he's only 4, clearly undermining my DD! On this occassion, my DD issued a last warning, if he did it again, then there would be no comeback. Fortunately, all was ok, but she wasn't too happy about it.

BTW we've always eaten meals as a family with no food/eating problems with either of my DD's, but I had lots of issues with my MIL to the extent I used to take them to her house and leave them their for their meal/afternoon as I could no longer face the weekly food tantrums that Grandma had with my 'rules'!