Should a3year old sit at the table to eat

LolaMadeline

I have always disliked kids running around while eating. None of my five grandchildren do that. It is such poor manners. My GC eat, then they can leave and go wash their hands. Nobody has to eat everything. My younger GC, who are 5, 3 and 3, often go to restaurants and sometimes their parents get compliments on the manners of their children.

peachyprice

WLM21 wrote: »

I think my 3y 3m Grandson should be made to sit at the table to eat AND stay there until his dinner or whatever is finished. I remember as a child having to do it, even ending up eating cold food if I messed around too much.

Perhaps this is what your daughter is rebelling about. Perhaps after having miserable meal times as a child she vowed never to to the same to her own child?

There definitley needs to be compromise, ideally the child should be sat at the table until he's had enough, but shouldn't be sat there and forced to eat everything on his plate. Mealtimes should be a pleasureable family experience, not a battle ground.

Sambucus_Nigra

WLM21 wrote: »

I think my 3y 3m Grandson should be made to sit at the table to eat AND stay there until his dinner or whatever is finished. I remember as a child having to do it, even ending up eating cold food if I messed around too much.

Made to? Or encouraged to?

'Johnny is a big boy now, so can sit up with the adults to eat' gets you much better results than 'you must sit at the table, even if grandad is sat watching tv whilst you are eating'.

Nicki

Why do mum and grandma agree that the child should not have to sit at the table?

I wonder whether they have a bigger picture in mind here. Is the grandson a very fussy or faddy eater, or a little underweight, or a bit food phobic for example? In which case, has experience taught them both that he eats more of his meal if he is allowed to roam, and virtually none if made to sit at the table, so whilst they might prefer him to sit at the table, they recognise that the greater good is served by not forcing this issue at this time.

My biggest dislike is grandparents criticising their children's parenting behind their backs online and trying to get a cabal of people together to disparage their own children's decisions and reinforce their own.

FWIW - my 3 children do sit at the table for their meals, with TV off, aged 12, 11 (with severe learning difficulties) and nearly 3. But if the younger two are going through a food fussy age, there is a large amount of flexibility about that requirement, and they both behave beautifully in restaurants (usually). I do not believe in making food or meal time rituals a battleground and consider it is far more important to bring children up to have a healthy and relaxed attitude to food, than to sit bored and miserable at a family dining table waiting for adults to finish their larger meals and their adult conversations when their patience has long gone.

gadgeteer_2

Only up to a point!
No child should be forced to stay at the table and finish a meal.

No but they should be told to at least eat a decent amount and then after sit at the table until everyone has finished. At 3 they should be learning this.

Running around at mealtimes simply isn't on. It's a ridiculous way to try and feed a child. It tells the child that they can do what they want, when they want. Who's in charge? The child or the parent?

Mojisola

Have you talked to your daughter - in a non-confrontational way! - about why she lets her child do this? What age does she think he should be made to sit at the table with others to eat? How well is he going to get on in nursery and school if he thinks he can get up and run around whenever he wants?

Frogletina

maman wrote: »

When at all possible I don't plate up meals but let everyone help themselves from serving dishes so the children have some control of what they're eating. This works particularly well with Sunday lunch.

We always did this with our three children for all of their meals.

Also I remember going out with the three of them to a restaurant and after our meal a waitress came up to our table and commented on how well behaved the three of them were and said that they often had children there who ran around the whole time.

margaretclare

Yes, I think a 3-year-old is quite old enough to sit at table to eat. I don't agree, however, with the old idea of 'you'll sit there until you clear your plate', but I do think it is never too early to get a child used to the idea that eating a meal is done while sitting at a table with other people. When do you start to teach this - if being fed while running around the room is OK at 3, why isn't it OK at 4? Or when the child goes to school? How is the child going to learn that some activities are done while sitting in the appropriate place, like school learning activities?

Many of the appalling eating habits which lead to eating disorders in later life can be traced back to early habits of eating while in front of the TV or anywhere else than at a table in a civilised social setting. Habit is hard to break.

I may be betraying my generation, but I still don't like the idea of walking down the street eating an ice-cream or other snacks. 'Not in school uniform' is something that still resonates through my head.

My grandchildren used to be well accustomed to the idea that things were slightly different at our house. They knew about laying the table and they asked 'please may I have another helping?' I never forced them to clear their plates, but I always enjoyed it when they asked for more - which they usually did! Although, I know damn fine that what went on in our house was different from what went on in their own home. The difference didn't seem to confuse them. They accepted it as normal.

We've just come back from a few days in France. We love the way the French take their children out to eat in restaurants with the family. You don't see this 'running around eating, up and down from table, snatching food and running away with it' in France. Not at all.

sassyblue

WLM21 wrote: »

Can you please settle a family argument ?

I think my 3y 3m Grandson should be made to sit at the table to eat AND stay there until his dinner or whatever is finished. I remember as a child having to do it, even ending up eating cold food if I messed around too much.

My wife thinks it is OK to run around and having some food every few minutes. Her excuse ... He is only 3.

Surely I am right. The sooner he learns to sit there, the better for everybody. We always eat at the table.

Luckily he only visits us, and doesn't stay with us all the time ... because mealtimes always seem troublesome because of this.

In the mornings, my wife likes to feed him porridge and he is running about, while she struggles to feed him. I just want to make things easier.

thank you

I'll probably get flamed but....

Made to sit at the table? You don't make a child do anything, you encourage them with bribery, positive talking, whatever works for your grandson.

Mealtimes are troublesome because l expect you sit there moaning and trying to force your expectations on the situation.

BTW, if you think your grandson should be eating everything on his plate l'll give you one the best pieces of advice l had..... ask him if he's 'eaten enough'..... you don't make a child eat everything, you encourage him to think about how full he is, so he learns the feeling of eating enough and thus setting him up for not over-eating then, or later in life.

WLM21 wrote: »

So I AM RIGHT !!!!

Brilliant !!!

Many thanks !

.... Did I tell you. ... I was right after all ... wow !!

You sound controlling. No, you are not right! There's something called middle ground where you give some leeway and do some encouraging in order to achieve something.

You sound like my father, he expected all 4 of us young children to sit and eat everything on our plate and we could get down when told to. Christmas Day was such fun when all we wanted to do was play with our toys and him demanding we finish our full english breakfast..... :mad: there was always between one and all four of us crying, which of course was repeated during Christmas lunch....

I'm going to cut you a little slack though because before l had children l thought this phase of learning children table manners would be easy. PAH!! :rotfl: I have a child like your grandson who just wanted to play, he wasn't a big eater either so he'd want to get down long before everyone else, so guess what l did? I let him, much to my fathers disgust. My rules were...... no food at least an hour before mealtimes so he was hungry, he was allowed to come to the table with a small toy or two.... talk calmly whilst putting food on his spoon and fork (if he's not doing it) and feeding him here and there. Once he'd decided he'd eaten enough (and if l didn't think he had l reminded him there was nothing until lunchtime....) he could get down. If he was hungry later then between meals only fruit or veg.

He's 6 now and he still doesn't sit as long as the adults do at the table but he's alot better and staying longer.... (ETA: We will sit round the table talking for ages l don't expect him to sit still and stay there for that time)

YES, l agree with all of you that children have to learn table manners - us British are sticklers for manners! - but to achieve that l will not go down the route of causing hassle for us all, there are boundaries and rules but l'll do it with encouragement or nobody will enjoy meal times....

balletshoes

WLM21 wrote: »

So I AM RIGHT !!!!

Brilliant !!!

Many thanks !

.... Did I tell you. ... I was right after all ... wow !!

well, yes, you're mostly right (certainly compared with your wife's attitude anyway). I'm not sure about the "until he's finished" as that to me suggests you expect him to clear his plate and he's not getting to leave the table until he does. I think that could result in a miserable child who thinks his grandad is mean. And thats okay if you're okay with that.

In my opinion, yes, your grandson should be sitting at the table at mealtimes. Yes, he should be eating at the table and he shouldn't be allowed to get down from the table until he is finished. By that, I mean until he has eaten something and you've clearly told him he isn't getting anything else if he doesn't eat his meal, no snacks afterwards etc. And mean what you say (not sure how you're going to get your wife on board with this though).

Definitely no running around at mealtimes with your wife chasing him and spoon-feeding him while he plays.