Should a3year old sit at the table to eat

Sambucus_Nigra

fawd1 wrote: »

And as for the poster saying you don't MAKE a 3 year old do anything, you encourage them, if I followed that way of thinking, I don't think my 2 year old would have had clothes on since a year ago, my 3 year old would eat constantly and neither one of them would ever wash their hair. Of course you MAKE children do things. Otherwise they'd do what they wanted, and frankly, they're children, so what they want is not, in all likelihood, particularly good for them.

Depends on how you encourage them - doesn't it?

And it depends on the definition of 'make'. Forcing a child to sit at the table on their own for food and not leave until the plate is cleared; is miles away from not giving them any pudding if they get down or don't make a decent attempt at eating their food.

Chasing the child round with a bowl of porridge is not the way to go though!

Frogletina

threemuttleys wrote: »

I dont view this as a problem...Grandparents are there to spoil them!

Well, I don't agree with grandparents 'spoiling' their grandchildren. I accept that there may be different rules and attitudes when being at their grandparents houses but these may be stricter or less strict than the children are used to.

I remember my daughter taking a doll to stay with my mother one weekend. She wanted to stay up and watch a film on the TV. My mother said to her, if you still play with a doll you are much too young to watch that film. So off to bed she had to go.

Children soon get used to the behaviour that they are expected to have at different places. I am sure that children at school are not able to wander around when eating their school dinners, and will accept that, but also know that picnics in the park are more informal affairs etc.

sassyblue

fawd1 wrote: »

And as for the poster saying you don't MAKE a 3 year old do anything, you encourage them, if I followed that way of thinking, I don't think my 2 year old would have had clothes on since a year ago, my 3 year old would eat constantly and neither one of them would ever wash their hair. Of course you MAKE children do things. Otherwise they'd do what they wanted, and frankly, they're children, so what they want is not, in all likelihood, particularly good for them.

I'm that poster.

You're not saying when your child didn't want to get dressed you forcibly dressed him are you?

You probably did the same as me, you got them to do things by encouragement, sometimes more of a 'battle' than other times, they are after all only three years old. It's not meant to be a doddle. :cool:

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

All I remember of eating at the table as a little girl was the anxiety it caused for us to be stuck in such close proximity to an angry parent when we were hungry. And the relief it was to get away from the table.

As an adult, mealtimes with inlaws were just as stressful - little subtle jibes like one potato and a slice of meat for Christmas dinner (because I needed to lose weight now the baby was six months old), restaurant meals where the main occupation was having a go at the waitress because she had to be stupid to be working as one - and that translated into a personal relationship where he felt it was OK to sit there criticising what I ate, how I ate it (arthritis meant I had difficulty using my left hand), how fast I ate it (as I was getting more and more anxious) and so on.


So, once I became a single parent, my girls were never going to have the same happen to them. They had a tiny table and their food was put on it. No ordering them to stay put. No ordering them to use a knife and fork. No commanding them to eat every morsel. No pressure.

And they were relaxed. I only gave them their food at their little table, but they didn't feel trapped, so didn't feel the need to escape. The world still turned, they didn't turn into little savages, they just had one less stress in their lives.



And I still had the random strangers coming up and telling me how wonderfully they were behaving when I took them out for a meal, even before they were old enough to start school.



Now I live alone, I actually quite like having my meals at the table, but it's taken many years for me to not associate it with bad things.




My point is, OP, that whatever anyone else might say, it's up to Mum how her child is treated. She might have memories of you forcing her to stay, of going on about how you had to eat cold food, of a permanent state of anxiety around mealtimes. Or she might not - but the fact your wife agrees with her suggests to me that mealtimes weren't the relaxed occasions they could have been.


So it is best to keep quiet and not criticise her choices, especially not when the child is eating.

Person_one

fawd1 wrote: »

And as for the poster saying you don't MAKE a 3 year old do anything, you encourage them, if I followed that way of thinking, I don't think my 2 year old would have had clothes on since a year ago, my 3 year old would eat constantly and neither one of them would ever wash their hair.

Are you not very good at encouraging?

aliasojo

Oh this rang a bell with me. A little boy I know was never made to sit at the table properly or eat his food. I don't mean finish food, just making an effort. The parents pandered to him and some nights he got a small spoon of peas on a plate with one chip. He was allowed to sit on the floor to eat it. His parents meant well, they thought it best not to cause stress at mealtimes in case the lad developed 'issues' but he's got more issues now than he would if they had just been better parents. And yes, I chose the word 'better' deliberately.

It got to the stage where the parents had no control over him at all. His manners are atrocious and tbh it's difficult to be around him.

As far as I'm concerned manners should be instilled at an early age BUT done in a calm and considered fashion. Encouragement will provide better progress than stern or bullyish tones imo.

sassyblue

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

So it is best to keep quiet and not criticise her choices, especially not when the child is eating.

Good advice. Grandparents should be supporting the way the parents want to bring their children up, unless it's dangerous to the child of course.

OP, your grandson is not going to be running around the restaurant and being spoon fed by his nan when he's a teenager, he's not spoilt forever by his mums choices.

thatgirlsam

Person_one wrote: »

Are you not very good at encouraging?

Patronising!

I make my children do certain things. Other things I encourage them to take responsibilty for. Is there no middle ground?

We have always sat at the table to eat dinner, because it is nicer for us to have the time together and because I don't want to scrape bits of food off my furniture.

However, if we were at the grandparents and they are happy for them to eat whilst not sat at the table this is fine. It's just not what we do at home. I hope my children are intelligent enough to know the difference.

PasturesNew

Years ago I had two friends who both had 3 year olds. On this particular day I visited them one after the other.

House 1: Single mother. No particularly special parenting skills, more of a lazy-!!! attitude so keen for the kid to do everything herself soonest,. 3 year old daughter sitting at the table feeding herself a proper meal.

House 2: Very wealthy couple, business owners, smart looking people, children privately educated. The husband was sitting at the breakfast bar spoon feeding his 3 year old son with some goop.

Every child is different.

threemuttleys

Frogletina wrote: »

Well, I don't agree with grandparents 'spoiling' their grandchildren. I accept that there may be different rules and attitudes when being at their grandparents houses but these may be stricter or less strict than the children are used to.

I remember my daughter taking a doll to stay with my mother one weekend. She wanted to stay up and watch a film on the TV. My mother said to her, if you still play with a doll you are much too young to watch that film. So off to bed she had to go.

Children soon get used to the behaviour that they are expected to have at different places. I am sure that children at school are not able to wander around when eating their school dinners, and will accept that, but also know that picnics in the park are more informal affairs etc.

Tis ok...you are allowed to disgree